Pressure and disappointment from family

[Gsm09]

Anyone else feel like they are constantly letting their family down? My family as in my mum and grandparents have always seemed to measure success on how big of a house you own and how much money you earn.
I very much value my happiness and spending time with my children over money. We live in a rented house, yes small and we are hoping to move but a very nice well kept house. We don’t struggle with money we can afford everything for our children and for ourselves but we definitely don’t have lots of money to spend. We are a happy family our daughter is disabled but we celebrate all her achievements and we communicate well.
But yet again today my family tell me how proud they are of my sister and other members of my family because oh they have just bought this house or oh they paid off their mortgage, and oh I hope you will be able to move soon. It’s like they think we are living somewhere completely unsuitable and awful and that we are failing.
I’ve never been told how proud they are of me or how I’m a great person or mother, never anything like that. Because I’ve grown up with this attitude around me it’s hard to not believe that I am failing because of where I live and how much money we earn.
sorry for the long post but has anyone else got a family like this?

Hi OP

I don’t think it’s anything you, or the countless others who post on here about toxic parents have done/not done. I think it’s about their (mistaken) beliefs and value systems. I also think that sometimes it’s about being the odd one out.

”Everyone one else…..”

stayed married
had children/given us grandchildren
lives closer/helps us

It’s a mismatch based on their expectations/understanding of what is important to them.

I don’t think you can change it. although you could try being more vocal about your family’s/daughter’s achievements but I suspect you won’t bother. Because you’re content, really. Happy with who you are, what you’ve got and achieved and how you live your life.

Very few people who’s values are on the kind of “sliding scale” that yours seem to have, are fulfilled in their own lives and are unlikely to achieve fulfilment.

Enjoy your life and don’t let their view change that enjoyment. But do come on MN for another fume when their insensitive behaviour gets too much! It’s what keeps us sane!