Struggling - trying to be a better me

[Anon1458]

Just wondered if anyone had any tips/advice?

I am really struggling at the moment with my patience for my little one (14 months). I am back at work 3 days a week and love being at work (feels like a break) but when I am at home with my daughter I feel so stressed I have no patience and feel like I have no time, the house is not as clean and tidy as I would like as I just feel like I don’t get a chance and the smallest things just tip me over the edge! I get so stressed out when I am home with my little one and it’s not her fault she’s fine but I just feel like I can’t cope very well and don’t want her to feel like I’m taking it out on her but I just have no patience at all!

(Just to add of course I wouldn’t never hurt her!! I just find myself being snappy and it’s not the mum I want to be)

Hi OP

Are you a single parent?

It’s difficult trying to do everything, isn’t it? And at 3, your DD will want your time and attention!

Maybe you can reframe your expectations of your house/chores in light of spending less time at home. Do you think your idea of what your house should look like and how many of the jobs get done is based on what you managed to get done before you went back to work? Because unless you’re Superwoman (!) it’s really hard to maintain everything as it was.

I suspect the reason you have no patience is because you’re trying to fit a quart into a pint pot, rather than reduce that quart to pint-size. It’s understandable that you want to get on with things without interruption because of being time-limited, but honestly, that’s not good for you (stress) or your DD.

Have a good look at your systems; is there anything you can change? How much would a cleaner coming 2 hours a week cost and what is the cost/benefit if you were able to afford it. Can you alter your own routine so that you can do more in the evening (I assume your DD is in bed fairly early). Can DD help? She might like “helping “ by putting her toys away, even if it’s only into a box in the living room so that you don’t have to go around picking up bits and pieces to make the room look tidy. Can you lower your standards and not iron everything pristinely? Can you start buying clothes in fabrics that take less care?

Lone parenting can be so difficult, but she’s only this little for a short time. Give her your attention until bedtime, then do what you can and don’t strive for perfection - Good Enough should be your new mantra until she’s more independent.

Good luck and I wish you and DD a happy future.

Easier said than done but as long as house isn't completely disgusting your daughter is far more important than housework. Try to do just 1 room at a time on a rota. Do batch cooking do you can just reheat to save time. This time won't last forever and you will get through it