Reporting Brother to Social Services - help!

[Loz2503]

Today in therapy, due to disclosing about abusive behaviours in my brother to his children, i have had to make a report to Social Services (my therapist would have done this if I had refused).

My sister in law has disclosed to me that my brother is physically abusive to their 2 children ( 5yo and 3yo ) as well as verbally abusive, in which i have noticed signs of the verbal behaviour myself.

My worry is that I am the only person that knows that my brother is hitting/slapping/pulling at arms as my SIL has made it clear that she hasn't told anybody else.

I am fairly certain SS will be making a visit.

What do they tell the parents in these cases?
I've asked to remain anonymous but I fear that if they go in and say there's been a report of physical abuse then they will very quickly narrow it down to me.

I've heard schools/nurseries inform the parents if they have made a report so they will be ruled out very quickly when the parents come to try working out who's made the report.

In these cases do they just go in and say they're concerned due to a report but not detail what the report is about?
Or will they say they have concerns specifically about physical abuse?

Any advice/first hand experience would be super helpful.
I dont think I'm going to sleep with worry for the next few days 🙃

This is really tricky. However, you have ABSOLUTELY done the right thing. The children need protecting in the brother so you should feel proud of yourself. If the children's dad is abusing them then they need an advocate and that's you. Stand up for them and keep doing it x you should be proud of yourself x

Thank you. It's taken a lot of courage!
I guess i just feel like im betraying my brother but as an adult he should know better. The kids safety is my priority.

Does either of the children go to daycare/school? They could have said something to a teacher that would get reported. Or to a friend/parent - not necessarily "telling" someone about abuse, but role playing or flinching/reacting that has caused someone else concerns that have been reported. Just deny if he confronts you. Well done on reporting, it's not easy.

You’d have been betraying those defenceless kids if you hadn’t reported.

If really put on the spot, you could truthfully tell your SIL that you were so disturbed that you told your therapist, and that the therapist said they had a legal obligation to report it.

You've done the right thing. Whatever the unfair consequences for you, you are likely saving those children from even worse suffering.

This exactly. Whatever happens you can hold your head up high and know you’ve protected those innocent babies. If your DB never sees his kids again because it’s proven true you can look him in the eye and say “It was your own fault, I’m glad they are safe and I’d report you again.”

Until he is a safe person he needs to stay far away from those precious babies. This abuse is bad enough and shouldn’t be brushed under the carpet, but also.. You could be preventing something much worse happening down the line. Do not doubt yourself for a second.

You are NOT betraying your brother. He should keep them safe and he isn't. Your are advocating for them as he won't. Be proud of yourself and keep it up. You're amazing x

I'm sorry but no. The only person betraying anyone is that fucker against those poor kids.

He may not ever forgive you, but I'll be honest, I couldn't have someone like this as my close family. There's just no excuse. I'm sure you're stressed but you did the right thing for the children. Someone had to advocate for them. Will the mother be safe? From him?

They should just say it’s anonymous and nothing else even when asked but it may be that there are details you have given which lead to you but you have done the right thing!

Also, the children should be removed from his care. Are you or would you be prepared to care for them? They could end up in the system otherwise which is beyond heartbreaking. Please don't stay silent, it will fuck them up for life if you do. Love them, take care of them and always, always be in their corner xx not all hero's wear capes xx

Hopefully your brother will be directed to some practical assistance and useful parenting strategies not involving slapping..
The children will want him to stop the abuse and behave consistently kind. They won't want him to leave.

Are you able to step up and help your bother and SIL with some childcare while new processes of discipline are being learnt?

I grew up in a DV household and witnessed violence and had violence used against me as a child and it leaves its mark and can take decades to come to terms with.

You have absolutely done the right thing those children are being abused and needs someone to talk for them.
Well done op I appreciate it was a difficult decision for you but it was the right one.

Firstly, thank you all for your replies! They all helped enormously to reduce my anxiety surrounding the situation.

A bit of an update.
A social worker rang me yesterday to discuss some more details and to answer any of my questions.
Ultimately she explained that the details of the report would be kept hidden from the parents and that they would go in with much more of a generalised concern approach.

My sister in law contacted me this morning to say that they'd been reported.
School had spoken to her about a report yesterday at pick up so she was expecting a call from the social worker when it came this morning.
She has absolutely no idea it was me and has her own suspicions who made the report based on the very little info the social worker gave her.

She has however told the social worker that none of the allegations are true which has devastated me. Not only are the children at risk from both parents but she is also at risk from my brothers ongoing behaviour.

Social services assured me that if she denied the allegations that they pass the book to school/nursery to keep an eye out on things and they should then do some low level investigations with the children. I'm hopeful that this will be the case and they will open up to a professional that way.

Thanks again for all the positive replies!

I just hope your SIL isn’t on MN as this post is pretty detailed.

In light of your update, I'd call the social worker and report that the SIL is aware a report has been made and is denying the abuse.

It sounds as if she's afraid of her husband. Perhaps suggest that? Frankly, it will not surprise the SW if it turns out she is afraid of him. Abuse toward any family member is always intimidating for the rest of the household.