Totally out of my depth

[mlrp1234]

Long story short...
Met SO again after an 18 year hiatus as an open relationship, (we were core) had a pregnancy loss (my 12th pregnancy), became mono, became pregnant (successful, LB nearly 2), had another loss (extended, lots of issues), MIL is 'babying' husband, but has only seen LB 12 times, 3 alone, in 2 years.
MIL brings/sends ridiculous amounts of gifts for no specific occasion to the house for LB (despite being asked not to by SO).
At Christmas my daughter (prior to current partner) is not acknowledged.
Mine and daughters birthdays are never acknowledged.
MIL doesn't respond to messages or communication from me, only SO!
SO and myself now on a break due to disagreements about her and MIL will only visit/see LB when I am not around and covertly arranges these (I discovered this tonight).
Am I going crazy or is this weird behavior?

I’m so sorry OP but I’m totally overwhelmed by your post.
what is SO, LB and mono and are you saying you have 12 children?
Open relationship but you haven’t seen someone for 18 years??

No idea what on Earth any of that means but fascinating regardless.

After 20+ years of her son being in open relationships, I can’t blame her for not being slightly arsed about his “partner”. She’s allowed to have a relationship with her child and grandchild without giving a toss about you and your other children i’m afraid.

@ThewrathofBethDutton I think SO is significant other, Mono is monogamous and LB is (at a guess) little boy.

If I'm reading the post correctly - and it's anyone's guess if I am - I think she has 12 children, possibly by a few different dads, she's lost at least one child, she's re-connected with an old partner after a period of being in multiple open relationships, has recently had a child with the old partner (I think) and is concerned that her partners mum doesn't want anything to do with her.

It must be hard for her partner's mum to think that the original poster could be "the one" given the history as described. It's going to take a period of developing trust before a close relationship can be formed between the poster and her partner's mum.

She's clearly saying she experienced pregnancy losses and had her little boy on her 12th pregnancy. Why are you being obtuse dicks to someone who had 10 miscarriages.

Thanks for the responses.
To clarify, I have two living children, I have had twelve losses from three long term relationships over 25 years.
Myself and my husband have been together again for eight years, my husband requested an open relationship due to his FOMO, I wasn't interested in it.
My MIL chooses when to see her only grandchild, I would like a relationship with her, she obviously feels differently.
She has also opted to gift presents to my LB over being present despite my husband requesting her not to buy things.

Thank for clarification ☺️

Regarding you MIL, my advice is to just let her. Let her do whatever.
Don’t give her a second thought, don’t bother with her, don’t bother with any of it, let her get on with it.
You can’t force people into something because you want it.

it sounds like she doesn’t like you and is probably a difficult person, but also that you’re expecting too much. She’s seen a 2 year old 12 times? That’s once every couple of months? That’s more than my own mother saw my child, and our relationship is fine - she’s just not a hands on grandma.

She buys gifts for your child, her grandchild? This is not really a problem. The problem is she doesn’t want a relationship on the terms you want a relationship. She doesn’t want to be hands on, she wants to show her love through gifts.

she ignores your and your other child’s birthday - she’s rude and mean. But she’s also not really a big part of your family so hopefully neither you nor your daughter will be too scarred.

Try not to let her affect you. I think she’s making it clear what she wants, and she’s also ignoring you when you try to challenge her behaviour. So she isn’t interested in a close and meaningful relationship. It’s a shame.

It was clear to me that you had suffered many losses - I'm so sorry.

If you change your post to state that explicitly and also state at the beginning that you have two living children. Then refer to them as DS (with age in brackets) if a boy or DD () if a girl.

Your MIL's behaviour does sound dysfunctional but so much about this sounds less than ideal to me.. You deserve more than you are getting but you can't change this person. I imagine you have already given ultimatums. If you want to try couples counselling you can but I'm very doubtful there's anyyhing to be gained and I'm opposed to your being hurt further by this situation dragging out further.