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Should I end my relationship with my dad?

3 replies

LoyalHelper · 09/01/2025 10:55

My dad was very abusive growing up, physically he beat me and my mum my sister not so much. Mainly over trivial things such as I got a black eye at 8 for losing a toy. He cut my hair off at 17 when I came home late. He was always angry and annoyed. Up until she left him when I was 17 and I never spoke to him until my mum met a man and I couldn’t live with her anymore so had no option but to go back and live with my dad. He never hit me once I was back but was very controlling if I was out he would order me home and basically expected me to be his surrogate wife and sort his life out, I’ve forgot to mention he is registered blind. I often ran away to escape but always ended up back there. My nan his mum lived next door but one she was lovely but his biggest enabler. Then I met my partner and got pregnant. He was not happy about this and I stated I would move in with my boyfriend which he said why would you do that you’re not married. So I stayed a little longer and eventually moved out. He constantly calls me daily for the most trivial of things. He needs me to be with him for every appointment. To go food shopping up to clothes shopping. If I want to go the gym or sunbeds he wants to go with me. It’s the statements of we should go in the sauna and having to do all workouts together so I stopped going. He is less aggressive these days but I still feel the fear and walking on egg shells sensing his mood. I feel really stressed around him and guilty that I don’t want to be around him. He confessed he likes to cross dress and to keep it a secret from my partner ect. But wants me to order his women’s clothes wigs fake breasts ect. And it makes me feel very uncomfortable which I have told him. He is a very miserable person to be around and constantly has something he wants me to do for him. I feel drained from him and feel as though I can never escape from him. Should I just cut all contact he’s only 56 but he uses his disability as an emotional control. So I feel like I have to help him. Even though my mental health is seriously destroyed. Sometimes he can be really nice and offer to pay for holidays as long as he can come along but I just feel dread at the thought of spending time with him. I was supposed to take him food shopping this week but I’ve just muted my phone locked the door and laid in bed. My partner finds him irritating and strange my sister also feels the same and visits once a week to once every two week. His brothers have the same eye problem and they manage to work and sort out their own affairs and not intrude on their children so much. He says his eyes are worse than theirs. He doesn’t have many friends so nobody there to keep him company. But from my past I don’t feel anything for him other than he is a burden and ten guilt.

OP posts:
Coldcoldwinterweather · 09/01/2025 11:41

Given the way he has treated you, the violence he has shown you, my feeling is you owe him nothing:you should do what is best for you. And if going no contact is what is best for you then that's what you should do.
My own father was emotionally abusive to me. Not physically abusive but he scarred my life with his behaviour. For the last 25 years of his life he was also registered blind. And while I objectively sympathised with his blindness it didn't make me like him as a person.
He got help from various organisations whose purpose is to help people cope with life despite sight loss. So there should be help available for your Dad OP and you shouldn't feel obliged to support someone who has never given you love and support.

LoyalHelper · 09/01/2025 15:09

Thank you for your reply. I feel very conflicted with it all, sometimes he can be kind and caring but I sometimes think he’s only like that so I will continue to help him. There’s many resources he can use but would rather me do it. He will try for a while then go back to expecting me to do it. I think a good break is good for now as I always freeze and agree to everything when he puts me on the spot.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2025 15:15

wow, he is a lot isn't he?
You owe him nothing and nobody should have to support anyones weird fetish

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