Hi all, new to this so please be gentle. My 20 year old son has never worked and is refusing to look for work. He left college in June 2023 with two years of mechanics under his belt but has done nothing since, other than sit in his pants, in bed, on his x-box. He has no friends and never goes out.
When he turned 18 he got £10,000 trust fund and has spent the last two years living off this - paying us £300 a month for rent. It was meant to pay for driving lessons and his first car but it has now run out. I have told him that he needs to find a job so he can pay his way as he is not going to free load off us. He says that he doesn't want to work. He doesn't like people and can barely look me in the eye, let alone a stranger. I feel that he is depressed and anxious and has been for many years but he is adamant that he is fine. I've told him that if he is fine then he can get a job or he can go to his GP and deal with his anxiety. We just go round and round in circles, getting nowhere fast.
Myself and my husband (not dad) are at our wits end and it causes big tension between us because we both work full time and don't need this shit. We have given my son "chores" such as emptying the bin, hoovering, cleaning the kitchen every day, folding the washing etc, which he does with no complaints.
I currently pay his mobile phone bill but, if I cut that off, he has no way of looking for work. I can't starve the kid - he needs to eat - but is not contributing anything and resentment is creeping in.
I feel that he is taking the piss out of me and my husband. I cannot get him to see the benefits of working, not just for his mental health, social life and also financially as it will be good for him to have some money and it will help me and my husband out also.
Anyone been in this situation before? What did you do? Any advice would be welcomed. We are thinking of deactivating the x-box in the day time so he has nothing to do as a starting point. I could also stop paying for his phone when his contract ends in April but then I am totally isolating him.
Any other ideas would be great. I would never kick him out, he is my only child and I love him dearly but don't like him very much right now! He has fallen out with his dad so I am literally all he has. Thank you in advance 🙂