Passive aggressive school gate mum

[Mum2155]

Hi all,

struggling with a school gate mum. We used to be close, went for walks and coffee every week but for the past seven months she has buddied up with another lady and now does everything with them and the kids. Whilst this doesn’t bother me, she will just ignore me at the school gates and when I ask what’s wrong, she just says that she’s too angry and she will talk
abiht it when she is ready. Right now, this has taken her four days and then sends a long message about what is bothering her. This time, Chinese whispers happened and she thinks I said something about her daughter to someone else. This never happened but I don’t have the opportunity to set the record straight as she then just ignored me as she was “too angry” to talk.

im not sure how to navigate this and could
do with some advice. Our eldest are friends in school. Sorry for the long post but need help 😢

Oh good grief his sounds like a lot drama you don’t need.
and do you need a friend who automatically thinks badly of you?
I’d give her a wide berth if I were you

Just ignore the drama llama and get on with your life. She sounds like she is still at school herself

She’s not worth the head space.
Ignore.

Thanks ladies for coming back so swiftly. I know deep down that I should just be done but worry that she will start not including my child. Do i stop messaging her about doing stuff or include her in the mum dinners and lunches that I organise. Just don’t know how this will turn end and I’m finding it stressful

Dear drama llama, I did not say anything about your daughter to XXXX. I have no idea how such a story could have come about. If you want to talk, you know where to find me. I hope that this misunderstanding will not affect the friendship between the girls.

7 months though - I think she moved on for other reasons and I am not sure why you asked her what was wrong, 4 days ago...

Has she been coming to the Mums dinners and lunches? Has she been responding to your messages? (this does sound a little intense - do you have other friends in the school playground or indeed outside of the school? Just focus on these and let the playground drama fizzle out...

I would just keep it to messages about the girls - do they have play dates together?

And you know what - if she does exclude your daughter - there is very little you can do apart from maybe help your daughter to find other friends.

Thanks for the first message idea!

I didn’t ask her what’s wrong based on the seven months thing. Every
couple of months she just ignores me and says spiteful things. Mainly along the lines of me being “spoilt”, in her words because i don’t work and have a supportive husband and family
around me. She doesn’t work either. I recently joined the gym and she will say in front of people how spoilt I am for having it “paid” for me. My car broke down and my husband ordered a new one a surprise for me…. So this has come back to bite me when she found out.

Yes she comes to all the dinners I organise. She responds to my messages but in public can be cold towards me.

Yes the girls have had play dates together.

This is not a friend. So stop thinking she is and referring to her as that.
Ignore and give her a wide berth.

She sounds spectacularly unpleasant.

Geez - that all sounds awful... I would be keeping my distance and I would not be inviting her round for dinner. If it is a group, that would look like you were excluding her - I would ask someone else to take over.

Keep your business to yourself, ignore her and maybe curate your friends to include only people you like and who behave decently towards you. Life is too short to expend emotional energy on people who don't like you.

If you really need to... invite her daughter for play dates and remain civil enough to see if she will reciprocate. Turn up to things where lots of people are invited, but don't go out of your way to invite her to things. If she asks - tell her the truth, DL, I don't think you enjoy spending time in my company.... that's OK, our daughter's can be friends without us hanging out together all the time, they are not toddlers anymore.

Think what a mature intelligent grown woman would do and do that

Sounds like she is jealous of you but needs a back story so she can actively dislike you and presumably bitch about you to others.

Just ignore her, she sounds like a twat.

You're better off distancing yourself for the sake of your DC, not getting close to her.

If the kid's friendship fizzles out because of it, that's nothing to do with you.

She sounds awful, wrapping envy up in fabricated nonsense. Do you want to be her friend or are you just hoping she'll leave you alone?

How is she communicating that you get things paid for etc? If someone else is telling you about it, they are probably the person telling her that you said x about her daughter.

So I'd stay polite with her for the DDs but also think carefully about who else you talk to and believe.

She says it too my face at the school gates in front of others and then laughs it off like it’s a joke. “How’s your “free” gym going?” Stuff like this. I have just re read her message and it’s so passive aggressive. Ahe has been clearly talking about this to another person at the school but she is accusing me of talking about her daughter which is exactly what she is doing 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️