Help with adult daughter

[Spanielmom]

Hoping I can get some advice. My Daughter is 33 has been with her partner since school. They live together and have a daughter age 7
my daughter suffers badly with social anxiety and is on medication. However this seems to be getting worse. She’s bordering on agoraphobic.
she rarely attends family gatherings or school events. She’s taken to wearing noise cancelling headphones because she has had issues with her ears for a few years where they are very sensitive and she can’t be around excessive noise. She has been told she can have an op but refuses as this means coming off her anxiety meds.
this however is now impacting my GD. My D pre-empts issues. Like telling my GD she won’t like things or won’t enjoy them so keeps her away from sports days parties etc but I’ve seen first hand how much she enjoys them.
we have tried speaking to her but she shuts down. She’s admitted she has a problem but won’t take action to get help. I fear she will waste her life and possibly lose her partner because she shuts him out and shows him no affection as she never wants to do anything but sit at home
i honestly don’t know what to do for her anymore

Hello
Gosh this sounds tricky for everyone concerned .

I've always gone by the motto that when something starts to affect how a child sees their parent then that means action needs to be taken

Can you and her and her partner sit down (with no distractions) and lay it all
Out on the table perhaps?

Sounds like the treatment is not really working. See if she can try other things and increase counselling.

Anxiety can be horrendous.

I wouldn't want to come off my anxiety meds for an operation.

My DD has adhd and is noise sensitive and uses loop in ear noise reduction. They are much less visible than over ear headphones but work just as well.

How much impact actually is there on the child from her mum? Presumably she goes to school? Does her dad or other relatives take her out and about to places?

She has tried the loops but can’t deal with them in her ears and seems much better at coping with the headphones. They’re just normal ones so she doesn’t look bad in them it’s more she wears them even when out with her daughter or her sister which looks a bit strange to an outsider.
me and her the other grandma take our GD out and he mum takes her to school and back everyday but doesn’t interact with anyone on route. Then she’s back in the house till the end of the school day.
it was the nativity today and she managed to get there with me and the other grandma but she sat through it with the headphones on and went straight home after.
we chatted between us about our concerns and are hoping to persuade her to maybe come for a coffee somewhere quiet to see how she copes.
I just feel like I’m letting her down but I don’t know what to do to help her

Full credit to you for recognising there is an issue here and trying to find ways to support.
Has she looked into cognitive behavioural therapy as well? It sounds like she could do with learning some tools and techniques to support her in her more anxious situations. I also wonder if it is worth her seeking therapy, to help her to understand her triggers better.
A really good book is “Feel the fear and do it anyway” by Susan Jeffers which helps readers to understand the core of what is holding them back. If your daughter doesn’t read it, it may be one for you to read to help you to understand her world a little better. Good luck, and keep being the supportive loving mom and grandmother that you are.