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Lodgers

20 replies

Loooo666 · 09/11/2024 13:22

My son has moved in with his girlfriend, and with the cost of living I decided to advertise for a lodger. My apartment is not tiny but not overly large either. But fit two adults comfortably with two double bedrooms. I was clear in my listing on spare room. I had many people interested but 90% I knew instantly it would not be a happy arrangement. I also expressed that there would be two cats on the premises, hence someone would have to be a cat friendly individual.
I thought I had found the perfect "Flat mate lodger". But he is driving me bonkers, he has no ability to be considerate. I emphasized must be clean and tidy and leave things as he found them. I'm now at the point am "I being intolerant" Things he does - leaves bathroom light on repeatedly, never empties the bin, I will empty it and then he will come along fill it up within minutes, he thinks nothing of speaking loudly on his phone from around 4am in the morning (his family are abroad). He refuses to try and have a friendly relationship with the cats and they are banned from entering his room (despite me making a big deal that lodger must be a cat person). he takes over the kitchen cuboard space with no consideration to my needs. But this very much seems to be overall disposition regarding lots of things. Example the agreement states one parking space, I came home a few weeks ago and he had two cars parked here and I had to park in a neighbours space, at first I thought it would be for only a few hours, two days later, I had to ask him to move the car. If he sits at the breakfast bar he will get up but cannot put the stool back.. I believe in his own country he is from quite a wealthy family and women did everything for him. He told me when he first enquired that he worked long hours - Yes from his room, so he is here alot. He thinks nothing of having a shower then having another one five hours later, turning the heating up at all hours of the day. I very much feel like his outlook is that he is paying for a service of a B&B, I do his washing as I thought it silly to have halve loads in the washing machine, and I give him fresh bedding weekly and hand him back his clothes, he casually mentioned he liked his clothes ironed - I quickly retorted there is an iron in the cuboard by the stairs!
The cats I feel so bad for as I made such a big deal about them in the advert and feel I was somewhat duped, they are friendly and playful and don't understand why they cannot say "hello" to him. - he is not cruel to them, but is now making it very clear in his culture cats do not live in the house.
I know I need to consider if I should really be sharing my living space with someone at all or if I am just not cut out for it. I don't want to give him notice I would feel horrid. Am I just being intolerant? I suppose it could be alot worse from posts I have read on here.

OP posts:
Therehastobesomegoodnews · 09/11/2024 13:42

No you aren't being intolerant OP.
I would give him notice.
I don't see how you can be happy living with someone who thinks you are his servant and who has no consideration for you in your own home.

stayathomegardener · 09/11/2024 14:09

Ughhh just give him notice, this particular share is not going to work out for you.

Intheband · 09/11/2024 14:13

Nope this match is not a good fit - give notice

Bubblegum922 · 09/11/2024 14:15

No you’re not being intolerant- give him notice

SnoopysHoose · 09/11/2024 14:34

Doing his washing? I think you have the wrong idea of what a lodger involves.
I'd give him notice.

JasmineTea11 · 09/11/2024 14:34

I've had lodgers before and this is not acceptable. Give notice, if he's from a wealthy family he will be able to get another place, so don't feel bad. He's breaching the terms.

AnotherDelphinium · 09/11/2024 14:42

I’d give him notice too. I’ve had lodgers for over a decade and you know within weeks if it’s going to work or not!

Readvertise and try again!

SpikyHatePotato · 09/11/2024 14:43

As a lodger rather than a tenant, he has no rights to notice/ tenancy etc, you can just tell him to leave. For the sake of being nice, you can give him a week to pack up, and then change the locks.

If you haven't been entirely put off from renting the room, have you thought about renting it out for theatre digs? (Assuming you live somewhere with a theatre). There's a huge need for temporary accommodation for actors and technicians, and if you don't get on with one, they'll be gone soon anyway!

RaininSummer · 09/11/2024 14:47

Definitely give him notice as he seems entitled and rude.

SendMeHomeNow · 09/11/2024 14:49

SpikyHatePotato · 09/11/2024 14:43

As a lodger rather than a tenant, he has no rights to notice/ tenancy etc, you can just tell him to leave. For the sake of being nice, you can give him a week to pack up, and then change the locks.

If you haven't been entirely put off from renting the room, have you thought about renting it out for theatre digs? (Assuming you live somewhere with a theatre). There's a huge need for temporary accommodation for actors and technicians, and if you don't get on with one, they'll be gone soon anyway!

Or put it on Air bnb. My relative gets lots of doctors and nurses staying a few days a week with air bnb as she’s close to a large teaching hospital.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2024 15:18

SnoopysHoose · 09/11/2024 14:34

Doing his washing? I think you have the wrong idea of what a lodger involves.
I'd give him notice.

Yes this definitely sends mixed messages you're being a mum/50s wife

Loooo666 · 09/11/2024 15:40

RaininSummer · 09/11/2024 14:47

Definitely give him notice as he seems entitled and rude.

Yes "Entitled" and spoilt does come to mind. He does not have an ability to consider other's but does act as if I should be providing a service. Example I do not eat lots of food so gave him the most of the freezer space and said I will just take the bottom draw, he went and did a big shop, and then even squashed his stuff into the one little draw I had wanted for myself. It's like living with a teenager because I have to keep pulling him up on things. For instance he does not lock the front door when he comes in and I have found it to be unlocked overnight on many occasions. He will switch every light on in rooms he goes into but cannot switch them off - I am sort of hoping he will decide to leave on his own free will. I have gone from being bright and bubbly to quite silent with him. I am normally away alot with work, but I am here more during this time of year. I dare not go away because I do not trust him to report if the cats went missing, It is quite obvious he would not care. I have actually even confronted him regarding the topic and asked "Why did you consider wanting to live here, when the advert stated cat friendly lodger required" and the agreement you signed had a paragraph regarding you forming a friendly bond due to them being part of the household.
And although I should not ramble, (But there is some humor in this) I went downstairs and opened the front door, to find I could not easily walk outside, he had pulled his car so far up to the front door, you had to climb over the plant pots to get out. (he cannot park for toffee) I called him and asked him how did he get into the house, he shrugged, I then said when you realized what you had done did you not think to move the car forward a little.
Any way thank you everyone for listening to me ramble and rant and your advice and not making me feel like I am just being totally intolerant - I have tried so hard to make him feel welcome but he has taken it as he is a guest and I should be respectful of him and his needs and that he is paying me. I think he needs to go and look around out there at what is on offer and then consider how lucky he is/was.

OP posts:
Loooo666 · 09/11/2024 17:12

SpikyHatePotato · 09/11/2024 14:43

As a lodger rather than a tenant, he has no rights to notice/ tenancy etc, you can just tell him to leave. For the sake of being nice, you can give him a week to pack up, and then change the locks.

If you haven't been entirely put off from renting the room, have you thought about renting it out for theatre digs? (Assuming you live somewhere with a theatre). There's a huge need for temporary accommodation for actors and technicians, and if you don't get on with one, they'll be gone soon anyway!

Interesting, May have to consider this one, Yes we have Poole Lighthouse theatre about 8 miles away.

OP posts:
Igmum · 09/11/2024 17:56

I don't think he'll leave under his own steam. Why should he? He has a resident maid. This man is awful @Loooo666 and he's treating you like a skivvy. Get rid. Either Airbnb or get a cat friendly woman. In the days when I was a lodger I remember being delighted when I arrived to look round one house and saw a cat in the window.

SpikyHatePotato · 11/11/2024 17:43

Loooo666 · 09/11/2024 17:12

Interesting, May have to consider this one, Yes we have Poole Lighthouse theatre about 8 miles away.

If you're interested, have a look at https://www.theatredigsbooker.com/ which is a commercial website where people post their digs, and people make bookings. It'll give you an idea of what sort of things are offered and what prices.
There's also a big FB group https://www.facebook.com/groups/6902586146 which you have to request to join, but is helpful for asking questions.
Or feel free to DM me.

chinesnail · 08/04/2025 09:28

You shouldn't feel bad about giving him notice; if he comes from a rich family, he'll find another somewhere to live. This is unacceptable, and I've had lodgers before. poor bunny

loropianalover · 08/04/2025 09:30

chinesnail · 08/04/2025 09:28

You shouldn't feel bad about giving him notice; if he comes from a rich family, he'll find another somewhere to live. This is unacceptable, and I've had lodgers before. poor bunny

Bit late i think 🤣

Radiatorvalves · 08/04/2025 09:33

Just get rid. It’s clearly not working in any level! He sounds awful.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/04/2025 09:45

He's a shit lodger. Probably used to living in grotty flat shares, with family or alone.

Just give him notice and say it's not working out. You shouldn't have to police very basic things like emptying the bin and turning off lights.
Next time advertise clearly they must be cat lovers.

I'd say you're right to stick with one person only though. A couple would be double trouble. If they've a partner then great, they'll spend half their time at theirs. Which makes up for the time there's two of them at yours, but two tenants in one room could be a little excessive.

saveforthat · 08/04/2025 09:54

Next time do not do a lodgers washing. The only thing I'd agree with him about is that it's bizarre to expect your lodger to form a bond with your cats or allow them in his room.

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