I'm a married mum to a 2.5 year old non verbal toddler. He is our only child. I prayed and prayed for this child and we tried for years, now that he's here I'm afraid I've made the wrong decision in having him at all.
I started noticing something was wrong at the 4 month mark whe he wasn't hitting milestones and would scream 24/7 unless he was in my arms, no one else's. My husband went back to work at this time and he didn't believe how hard I had it. I couldn't do anything without the baby screaming at the top of his lungs.
My husband would then come home from work and complain that the baby hated him, he would then also complain if I asked him to put him down to sleep as I was tired.
Fast forward a few months and milestone after milestone are being missed, he didn't sit until he was nearly 9 months, we couldn't take him anywhere as he would just scream the whole time, nothing made him happy apart from being in my arms, scratching me, pulling my hair.
I saw all our friends who had babies the same age enjoying their children and days out. Their friends and family would love coming over to see them and their child, I always wondered what I did wrong and why I don't get those moments.
At 2.5 years old we suspect our child has autism. He's non verbal, hits himself a lot, doesn't seem to really understand what we're saying, isn't potty trained and doesn't like to interact with others. I'm struggling to find joy in him. The meltdowns are taking a physical toll on me. Bedtimes are horrible, meal times are just as bad, don't even ask me about bath time.
I'm frightened that someone in the nursery or out and about will see the marks from where he has hit himself and ask where they have come from.
I'm frightened I don't love him anymore and I don't know what to do. I can't remember the last fun day I had, I can't remember ever having a single good family day out. I'm at my whits end.
I won't call a health visitor before anyone suggests that as I don't trust them for personal reasons.
Any help or advice appreciated