don't know what to do with myself , sometimes feel a bit of a loser!! please read if you have time !

[cheeryface]

heres the background,

never really got a good job or career, met dh when i was 17(who did have quite a good job) and moved in with him soon after.

Got pregnant (by choice) a year after that, thinking i knew it all, and not seeing passed the end of my nose (or passed babyhood)

had an awful shock, became very anxious, found it all very difficult as i wanted to be a perfect mum etc etc. Had second ds 3 years later.

have spent the last 12 years worrying and stressing, trying to make everyone happy and be a good mum.

thing is, when the boys were both in school i didn't go back to work as i couldn't find anything that fit school hours, it wasn't altogether worth it as then we would get less child tax credit and i guess i had lost whatever bit of confidence i had had at 17.

i have had a few casual cleaning jobs and taken in ironing though.

problem is, i have lost confidence, i blush fiercly and i am such a worrier i feel like i will never be able to be me, independant ever again!

i cannot even come up with anything that enthuses me, such as a college course or something.

my brother has been here thinking he is helping today and brought all this up, saying i don't look happy and i need to do something for me and i don't want to get to 40 and have done absolute nothing etc etc

i think he's right but what the hell do i do?
has anyone ever been in this situation??

thanx

forgot to mention that i do keep myself occupied at home but i think i am beginning to like my own company a little too much as recently i have lied to friends and said i won't be in etc

Have you got any qualifications? If you haven't got a levels you could perhaps do ones of those a level equivalency courses, access courses. They cover a few subjects and would mean you could go to uni in the future if you wanted tp.. It would make you find out if you liked something/were good at something and perhaps give you some more confidence?

i did my GCSE's thats all, think only 2 or 3 were c or above the rest D's

my dh left school with no qualifications and then did an access course and went to uni. It takes 2 years and would most likely fit in with school. It would buy you time to think about what you may like to do!

hello

for one thing, you haven't done nothing! you've raised two great children. being a parent, particularly of two, gives great work skills - listening, organizing, teaching, etc etc.

I've found for me and most of the mums I know it takes quite a lot to switch from family life to work. even more tough if you haven't got your teeth into working life before.

I was in a tough situation a bit like yours after leaving university having studied something that didn't train me for any obvious sort of job. it was very stressful, and I got quite depressed about it, but got through that with general counselling - to stop me being so hard on myself (something that the way you wrote your post indicates might be an issue for you). On the pure work side, I read a book called "what colour is your parachute" which has a lot of interesting tips on finding out what sort of tasks you like doing, whether you prefer working on your own or with others, etc etc. It takes time - so don't put pressure on yourself - try a few things, maybe voluntary work, helping out in your children's school, or something else that you fancy. if the first thing doesn't quite ring your bell, then don't stress about it - just try to identify what you didn't like, and avoid that in future work, and what you did like, and try to do more of that...

good luck! and remember to do this for yourself, rather than for brother/partner/children.

take care

T4T

thanx , thats all very helpful. i sometimes come up with ideas, the last one being working with animals maybe ????? (might be just clutching at straws) but, i talk myself out of it every time!

i'm too shy, i won't fit in , i'll look like an idiot etc etc
they will all be real horsey, animally types and i'll look like a mumsy weirdo totally out of her zone ! aaaaaaaaaaaargh

Do you feel comfortable with children? You have obviously had experience dealing with them and skills in that area. If you like them, what about something child care relate - childminder or nursery nurse etc.

i think i have had enough of kids lol
might be different with other peoples maybe

Have a look at Learn Direct for some ideas?

Hi, sorry you're feeling a bit down about yourself, but I just had to post, the title of your thread says you feel'like a bit of a loser'....having brought up 2 children and dedicated yourself to them you are ABSOLUTLEY,BY NO MEANS WHATSOEVER, 100% NOT A LOSER

REPEAT AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE DAILY....I AM WONDERFUL, GREAT ETC.

agree our local college runs adult courses in all sorts, cooking nvq's beauty etc

i think you need to ease yourself into doing something just for you.

my sister did this course with the Open University and found it really helped her.
I was thinking of doing it myself, but have found another course which interest me, so i'm just contemplating which one to do right now.
You sound a lot like me.....i know i'm capable of doing a degree, but am just too scared to even start at the basic level right now because my confidence is shot to pieces.

Just simply do something for you, it doesn't have to lead anywhere. You don't have to think about it being career based or having a 'direction'.....just think about something you love and have a go.
I want to do something sociology based, but am also interested in things like massage and am thinking of doing an Indian Head Massage course just because i want to.....