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Original poster

what do u do whenchildren ignore your child when they are talking?

28 replies

misdee · 21/04/2008 21:13

partically 8/9year old children?

dd2 is a very lively chatty 5 year old. i know she can be tiresome and doesnt stop.

but today, yet again, when she started talking to one of dd1's friend, the friend totally blanked dd2. it happens again and again.

would i be being unreasonable if i point out to chidlren that dd2 is in fact talking to them and could they please aknowledge her instead of blanking her?

OP posts:
peanutbear · 21/04/2008 21:17

I dont think that that would be unreasonable
I always ask them to play nicely down stairs together and if they (9yrs old) want to talk together to go upstairs whilst I occupy the other 2

if they are in communal space every one gets shown the same courtesy no matter how tiresome!!!

SHe just sounds like she wants to be involved afterall

Original poster
misdee · 21/04/2008 21:23

its not at my house. it at places like school playground at drop off/pick ups, or at the church for rainbows/brownies.

i am rather overprotective of dd2 as she is socially-ungraceful and leaps in feet first with bnags of confidence, but i can see this constant ignoring by other children is wearing her down and i dont want her to stop being my sparkly chatty girl.

OP posts:
peanutbear · 21/04/2008 21:35

ah tat would upset me too
bumping for you as dont know what I would do {unhelpful emotion]

Original poster
misdee · 21/04/2008 21:37

she was so excited telling this other girl all about 'oliva' the rainbows doll she got to take home this week and look after, but got blanked.

i am almost crying as i type this, i dont want to see her hurt and down.

i know she can be wearing, and v v v chatty. and whitters on about stuff for ages. but she is so sparkly and fun.

and i know some other kids think she is weird or goofy

OP posts:
chunkychips · 21/04/2008 21:40

when she gets ignored and you're there, could you shout over, 'sorry dd2 I missed that what did you say', loud enough for the friend to hear. Then dds might say 'oh I was talking to (whoever)' or something like it. They might listen then if you're kind of intervening and they hear their name mentioned. I do it sometimes with my ds, unfortunately it's adults ignoring him!

CrackerOfNuts · 21/04/2008 21:40

This happens alot with Ds and it is heartbreaking, especially as Ds just carries on, trying harder and harder to get the child attention.

Tbh if I notice it, I normally try and distract Ds, ask him something about school or whatever.

chunkychips · 21/04/2008 21:42

sorry I think i'm getting my dd's mixed up. hope you can understand what I'm getting at.

Original poster
misdee · 21/04/2008 21:43

thats it crackerofnuts, she just tries so so hard to get their attention, even slightly tugging on their sleeve and saying their name. but they just blank her.

considering just a couple of years her speech was incomprehensiable and she wouldnt speak outside of the family except to sing baa baa black sheep, she has come on so so much, and i dont want her going backwards again.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 21/04/2008 21:45

thanks chunky, if add in dd3 it gets really confusing. lol

so i should interfere a little bit? i always feel like i shouldnt interfere when it comes to forging friendships etc, but just feel so bad for dd2.

OP posts:
tiredlady · 21/04/2008 21:48

If this happens with my ds2 I always tell the child who is ignoring him "excuse me X, ds is talking to you" then give them an expectant stare.

Heated · 21/04/2008 21:49

She sounds lovely and far too young to be considered 'weird or goofy' by anyone surely?

I wouldn't say anything personally. Some older children might just find her confidence a bit overwhelming and not know how to respond so don't iyswim, especially if either they a) have no younger siblings themselves or b) exactly the opposite, and have siblings they regularly tune out!

It's quite an adult skill to negotiate a exuberant and chatty talker and probably aren't old enough yet themselves to do it.

Maybe protect dd by removing her for a little bit with something distracting, or just pick up what your dd says, and ask the child directly yourself to ease the flow of conversation.

CrackerOfNuts · 21/04/2008 21:51

Tbh, I wouldn't say anything to the other child/children involved, as at that age I don't think that is fair and not my place.

However, if a child speaks to one of my children and my child ignores them, deliberatly or not then I do tell them to please answer and not be ignorant. It is just teaching them general manners at the end of the day.

Original poster
misdee · 21/04/2008 21:54

cracker, yes if my dd's do it then i do ask them to aknowledge other children talking to them. dd1, who is 8, does do it occasionally to her own sisters but i always nudge her and geta 'what?' in reply. i know 8year old girls can be very dreamy at times and off in a world of their own.

heated dd2 is excessivly tall for her age and is actually taller than some of dd1 classmates, so its a bit of a tricky situation as some actually dont know she is only 5years old, and think she may be in the year below or above.

its really hard trying to balence it all.

OP posts:
AlistairSim · 21/04/2008 21:59

Oh god, I really, really hate this. It happens to my dd all the time. She's only 3 and thinks everyone is her best friend.
I do interfere and say things like "Excuse me, dd is asking you something/telling you something" etc. At the very last it reinforces good manners.

What do you do if it's an adult who does the ignoring, though?
I have an aunt who will ignore both the children if she's in a mood about something else.

chunkychips · 21/04/2008 22:03

I don't think interfering is so bad, you don't have to do it in an interfering way, iyswim, it can just be an aside and very casual. The little ones sometimes need a bit of help and at least it shows that SOMEONE'S listening to them. If the friend still didn't acknowledge her I wouldn't take it any further and distract dd, but a gentle nudge to the ignorer doesn't hurt.

BitLessTiredNow · 21/04/2008 22:05

this happens to ds1 a lot - paticularly as we live in germany and the culture of small talk is so different. I always make a point of praising him for his good manners and letting him know how pleased I am with him for trying no matter how rude the others are - if I am very annoyed about it I say it very loudly and pointedly so that they can hear.

cornsilk · 21/04/2008 22:07

This happens to my ds2. Sometimes I answer the question and then distract him from the older child.

chunkychips · 21/04/2008 22:11

I do the same with an adult, I shout over 'what did you say ds?' pretending I thought he was speaking to me. The ignorer listens to me shouting and realises someone is actually talking to them. It gets around the situation without the ignorer thinking I'm having a go at them.

AlistairSim · 21/04/2008 22:18

Maybe we could get our ultra-friendly chatterers all together?
Just let them talk to each other until they are worn out.

Original poster
misdee · 21/04/2008 22:20

sounds like a plan.

but chatting from 7am-7pm doesnt wear dd2 out.

she is v known at school for being the smiley happy child in reception. she has charmed the lunchtime supervisors apparently.

OP posts:
AlistairSim · 21/04/2008 22:26

Bring it on!!

A perfect role model for my dd.

chunkychips · 21/04/2008 22:37

God, we'd all be pushing our ears home in a wheelbarrow.

onepieceoflollipop · 21/04/2008 22:47

No tips, but she sounds lovely. My dd is 4 and for the past 2 years has only stopped chatting to go to sleep! At nursery when aged 2 she used to keep walking out of the sleep room (in her grobag!) to say she wasn't tired and begging to be allowed to stay awake and talk to the staff.

Slightly older children roll their eyes at her and see her as a pain.

nametaken · 21/04/2008 23:59

just say "excuse me, I think xx was talking to you" nicely and friendly and with a smile on your face.

Alambil · 22/04/2008 00:46

People ignore DS too - he sees a chum on the walk to school, says hello and they completely blank him (they HAVE seen and heard him)... he looks at me heartbroken.

I take great pleasure in waiting til the child and their parent has caught up and pointedly (loudly) saying "Well, they didn't reply because they are rude and ignoring people is very rude - you wouldn't do that DS, would you..."

I think you'd be perfectly within your rights to highlight your DD's talking to whoever - kids are so mean sometimes