Hi,
Quite a long story but I’ll wrap it up. My OH and I have been together for 3 years this November. I am 33 he is 26. We have lived together for 3 years, and have a dog together. I have a 15 year old daughter from a previous relationship, whom he has been great with from the start. There is a age gap but it’s never been a issue. He is quite mature and owned his own house, car ect before we met.
This year has been a hard one for us. I had a diagnosis of Bi polar in March and because of an episode, I am facing sentencing at court in 2 weeks (non violent offence). We always spoke about our future child and marriage. Come April this year my OH becomes distant, which I later realise it was because we had been arguing and he pulled away. Come May I found out unexpectedly I was pregnant due to failed contriception. I was happy about this and proceeded to make positives changes to carry on with the pregnancy, but my OH was honest and said he didn’t want to have a baby right now. His reasons was he wasnt ready, and he wanted to spend more time with me doing travelling ect. He stated he couldn’t guarantee he would be present. Unfortunately with my diagnosis this caused a lot of uncertainty for me and I did not feel able to look after a young child alone, or would it be fair on the child. I decided to terminate even though this is not what I wanted and I’m left heartbroken. I felt I had no choice.
OH also booked a trip for our 3 year anniversary in November, and OH told me he planned to purpose ( he only told me as this is the time of my dad 70th birthday celebrations, and I was being stubborn on dates). I asked him a few weeks ago if this was still his intentions and he said not now as we had a bad year and he wanted to do it how he wants to, and when he wants too. As he says none of his friends have got engaged around 3 years and he plans to only do it once. He knows my desire to have children and marry.
Recently I had pulled away from him, started shutting of emotionally and finding no way forward. He picked up on it, now being he had stopped pulling away and was more conscious of how I was feeling. He was fighting for this. We spoke about the baby, and the marriage and how we had both felt and after a very hard few weeks I finally felt we was on the up. I told him he spoke to me in a bad tone of voice and he said I reacted poorly to him. Recently things have been good again, we have both made a conscious effort to make this work. I have felt good, friends have noticed my happiness. I chose to forgive and try and move forwards.
Until today, where a argument happened by his tone of voice in a conversation. He is now saying I should have time to think what I want. He protects himself by pushing me to say things so he deals with them better. It just feels like stuff are never going to change, and I’m with a man who’s giving me false promises. I have no idea what to do! I love him dearly but I’m at a point I want peace and happiness.
Please be kind x