Christenings and godparents

[Sam29]

May be getting ahead of myself here as baby not actually arrived yet but friends are starting to ask me who is in the running for the godparent roles! Although christened CofE dh have set foot in a church only a few times in last twenty years and always for weddings and carol services and do not feel religious at all. DH is hindu/sikh so is never going to do the church thing. However would like to have some kind of godparent type figures in baby's life as I think it is good for kids to have an interested adult who is not part of the family!
So, are there alternative ceremonies to religious christening type things? and how on earth do you pick who to have as godparents and what do you do if you totally disagree? I have one female friend who has assumed she will be a godparent but who DH is not very keen on and also am still best mates with an ex who my DH does get on fine with but not sure if he will take to the idea of him being a godparent! Which is a real shame as I think he has all the qualities I would look for in a godparent.
Any guidance appreciated..........

Tha Humanist Society have lots of info on non-religious ceremonies, or DIY ceremonies involving what you like. We are Buddhists and have Companions for our dds, 4 each, 2 buddhist and 2 non-B. We mad our own "ceremony". We have a close up photo of each dd with a large mount arond that everyone there on the day wrote a little something on,now framed which is a lovely memory.

Choosing who is a whole other ball game and don't have time now. Will try and post later. HTH

Sam, if you go the Humanist Society route, as recommended by Batey, you can more or less decide how many sponsors/godparents whatever you'd like, so maybe there will be room to accommodate both your preferences. And you can write the promises you'd like them to make - consulting them or getting them to write their own might be a nice idea. Is there anything from the Hindu traditions that you both might like to incorporate into a naming ceremony?
If you do opt for Christian baptism, talk to your parish priest. I'd hope you would not be turned away because one parent was not a Christian. But it sounds to me as though a Humanist naming ceremony could be the best option.
PS Don't let anyone be a godparent or sponsor because they've assumed it...you should be free to choose as parents. We are both practising Christians and came under family pressure to choose very nice people who were not. We didn't want them making public promises they would find it hard to keep, but acknowledged their role as interested adults by making them ds' official guardians.

We had a humanist ceremony in the garden on ds's first birthday which was great, and I picked my oldest friend and her dh who do not have children and will not have any as I thought it would be good for ds, also they are not great with babies but will be great fun for him when he's older as they are interesting, intelligent people with varied interests. Also, I am as sure as you ever can be that they will be married forever, so feel happy to pick them as a couple. Couples can be v tricky if they split up. Maybe if you disagree you can choose one each?

The British Humanist Association publish a book about non religous baby namings which you might find useful. Its called New Arrivals. You can order it from their website here

Thanks for all those ideas. I was not aware of the Humanist movement so will check that out. I liked the idea of a party in the garden, I was thinking along those lines and as baby due in March could be done this summer. As to how to let people who have "assumed" they will be godparents down gently, am still a bit stuck on that one!

We went down the route of having 'godparents without the God' if you see what I mean!!

We have a bit of a tongue in cheek name for them which is 'Life Mentors' - sounds really poncey but seem to remember the Humanists using that phrase.

We are planning on having some sort of do on DD's first birthday. I chose 2 - one male and one female neither of whom have children but will bring lots of interest to DD's life when she is older.

The good thing about any Humanist ceremony and any good humanist celebrant is that the whole thing can be tailored to your exact wishes. IME if you want a little bit of religion that is fine, if you don't want any that's fine too. If you still want to call them godparents the celebrant should be fine about that. In fact you don't even needa celebrant, although they can be invaluable in holding things 'together'. I've arranged two Humanist funerals, they involved lots of poetry, singing, music and the contributions were so diverse. There were buddhist readings as well and moments where you could silently pray/think....about any religous/secular beliefs you so wished. I'm sure if you wanted to bring in some elements of your DH Hinduism/Sikhism it would be welcomed. I'm sure you can choose as many or as few 'godparents' as you wish. My best friend was my sons 'fairy godparent'...very silly I know,but thats what she wanted to be called.

We did something similar with a company called LifeRites (www.liferites.org/) as although we would like ds to be aware of the spiritual side of life we didn't want to commit him to any particular faith (he can decide for himself if he wants to when he feels old enough). Can thoroughly recommend them - they help you create a ceremony from scratch or give you a little more guidance/structure if that's what you would like - they'll match you up with a celebrant that fits in most with your beliefs (e.g. christian, pagan, humanist, atheist, etc).

We had a fairly informal Naming Party. We had toyed with the idea of a member of the Humanist Society but as we wanted to keep costs down, we opted for a "home-grown" event. We each chose a mentor for dd, one male and one female who were both old friedns of dh and me, respectively. We asked them to think of something to say at the party but left it up to them what it was. At an appropriate juncture of the party we dished out the champers and the mentors held the baby and each said their piece, which was very personal and touching. We then had a formal toast, photos and got on with the party. We had ours just before Xmas last year so it was very festive and relaxed.

Despite being complete atheists, we have a godfather for the sluglet. We had no ceremony, just simply appointed him. We use the term godfather simlpy because it's easiest understood, though we did toy with moral guardian for a while.

He takes his duties very seriously, possibly because as a gay man he admits he has little interest in or contact with children, but he makes a huge effort where she is concerend. It's really sweet.

We did our own thing in the garden at home. We did it first time around with a rabbi and a priest, which worked well, and we did choose godparents, and call them that even if religion isn't the thing.

Second time we wrote it ourselves and got each Grandparent to read a bit and then each godparent too. It was lovely, informal and pouring with rain (not good for a garden party!)

However I would no say a word to those who assume they are going to be godparents, it is really rude to assume such a role, and an honour to be asked. I chose one friend and Dh chose another, so we had the ones we wanted. It is difficult however to choose and I think everyone needs to be happy. Our Godparents are not gaurdians (my brother is that) and I don't expect religious instruction. I just wanted people I believed would be around in my kids lives forever. Too often Godparents lose touch, so we chose the longest serving friends we have, in fact with no2 they were both dh's friends that he's known since school.

I am upset cos I'm not a godparent, aren't I good enough

It is tricky I agree !!! When my best friend was pg I had nightmares that she would ask one of her "new" antenatal friends rather than me - so was utterly delighted when she did ask both me and dh ! We felt it was a real honour and we take it very seriously !

Had she not asked me I would never, ever have said a word ! I would have assumed it was because I was an unsuitable role model and therefore not good enough. When she had her second dd she asked a totally different set of people and I did feel sad about that - but it was her choice and I respect that.

When we had our dd christened we asked all of our oldest and closest friends - so she had 3 godmothers and 2 godfathers. I think they all felt honoured although some have already proved to be unreliable about remembering her birthday - which I am disappointed about.

It is definitely an honour and not something you can assume - I remember someone said to me when I was pg "bags I be main godmother !" - I was apalled and needless to say she isn't - she was after all only someone I knew vaguely at work ! How inappropriate was that ?

Also - my dh had much older godparents - they were all very rich and I'm sure MIL chose them because of that - however, he rarely heard from them and has now lost touch entirely.

So I'd say - choose carefully and choose for your child, not to improve a friendship or to impress anyone !

Hi Sam, can't advise you really about the alternative ceremonies etc but I am sure there are a few options. With regard to choosing the godparents - I would maybe leave the decision until after the baby is born, there's no rush and this will give you time to have a good think about your choices. I would also not cave in to any sort of pressure from family members etc. For some reason, some people seem to assume that it is their "right" to be asked and they usually end up being the ones who forget birthdays etc. Think about what role you want the godparents/guardians to play i.e what is the most important aspect for you, and then choose who you think are the best people to carry out that role.
Hope this doesn't sound too obvious and good luck.

crunchie I guess if you're jewish people don't think you would want to be a godparent because of the religious side of things.Are there jewish godparent equivalents?

The couple we chose to be DS's godparents, we chose really because they are both our friends (they actually introduced DH and I)and so it seemed obvious to do that. didn't want to choose family members because I didn't want other family members to miss out - also I think they've already got a role in DS's life. My godparents are my only aunt and uncle. And I feel as though they have made an effort with DS and I'm sure will never forget a birthday. No idea who I would choose if we had another baby.

I think so, but nothing really as formal. I have godparents, my godfather is a rabbi!

With all the same dillemas as you and your dh, we finally chose the Unitarian Church which is basically non-denominational. We chose our own ceromony and it was really lovely and we have such wonderful memories of the day.
I was very strict about Godparents, as in I was not going to chose anyone to flatter them. They were choosen for their individual qualities and what they could bring to ds life. It sort of went like this:
Jake (my nephew) Always around when he is needed, extreamy kind hearted.
Ann (my best friend)Loyal, honest, stood the test of time as a friend and a fantastic Mother.
Alan (dh nephew) Reliable, hardworking, studious and level-headed.
Lori (dh Sister in law)Sweet,intellegent, dizzy, indulgent and lots of fun.
Hope this helps, they were also all warned not to accept unless they were willing to take the role very seriously.

that does help. Really like the idea of a naming party with relevant people and I do agree that although "godparent" does have religious connotations at least you don't have to explain the term to everybody all the time! Think choosing one each is the way to go. What about a mixture of sexes or doesnt it matter?