The BAD in-laws and incompetent partner

[dontpost]

My partner's family doesn't like me, and I feel the same way because I can't waste my time and energy on people who clearly dislike me. However, we're always civil when we meet, and I only attend these gatherings to keep an eye on my young kids. My partner is blind to all of this and refuses to acknowledge the issue, believing his family can do no wrong.

He has nieces and nephews in their 20s and 30s. Recently, at a family gathering, a niece who’s expecting a baby passed a baby book to my partner to write his best wishes, but she didn't pass it to me. I feel that my partner should have either passed it to me or addressed the situation with his family.

Additionally, his sister mentioned plans for a family holiday in a couple of years. I absolutely don't want to go, and I don't want my kids to go without me. How do I decline this offer and ensure my partner doesn’t take the kids without me?

How old are the kids?

Would you be happy if he forbade you taking them on holiday with your family, because he doesn't like them?

I don't think you can stop your husband from taking the children and am not sure why you'd want to. It's good that they spend time with family.

There is usually a reason why a close knit family don't like a person. I really do think you need to have a good look at your own behaviour. I would have not taken the offence with not being given tge best wishes book to sign. And if you really don't like his family then you should let your husband and your kids go on holiday without you, in my opinion. No need to alienate the kids from the wider family network.

Do they bad mouth you in front of the DC? Did you ‘steal’ their son away? Do you know the reason why they don’t like you?

This sounds more like you don’t like them tbh from what you’ve written. I mean, they have basically invited you on holiday and you’re already being sour about it.

Re: the baby book message…who cares 🤣 I mean I would personally be relieved that my partner had written in it for both of us, especially as he’d the blood relative. It’s just something that will get shoved in a drawer for 30 years.

OP do you generally get on with people e.g. at work, parents of your children’s friends, your wider family, etc.?

Or maybe there are lots of things you haven’t included in your OP (possibly with good reason) that show his family to be horrible?

Yes that I took him away from them and then when I bought a big house outright which none of them have and all rent from council, the hatred intensified as they were expecting and wanted someone in perhaps financial situation but then it wasn't so 🤷🏽‍♀️

I get along with my family and friends and I am the shoulder they all lean on when needed and run to.

You sound controlling, why can't they go without you?

Even the kids don't like the idea as they tend to be mean to them and I am guessing is because of the fact that they don't like me and partner turns a blind eye because he never challenges his family on anything at all- they can never do wrong to him. Infact they control him.

Why can't you challenge them yourself?

Also, how old are the kids?

Your H sounds pathetic. I cannot abide men like this.

Btw, I would have to pay for the holiday for us all and that is not a problem if I am going to be with people that are good people and how can I send my kids to go with people that re mean to them and then pay for it
Pay for my kids to maltreated?

Your husband should have passed the book to you.
You can't stop him taking his children to be with his family sometimes. Hopefully they will all get along well and things will improve for you, in time.

The best outcome will be if you can all behave with respect and tolerance in each other's company for a few hours each month.

Well there's your 'get out' then, just tell your DP to pay for it himself if he wants to take his kids on holiday 🤷‍♂️

But perhaps look a bit further than 'They all hate me cos I own a house and they're all council', as this sounds fairly implausible if they think you're otherwise lovely.

Perhaps have a discussion with them yourself and clear the air?

You might be surprised.

In what way are they mean to the DC? Does DH pull his family up on this?

My DC wouldn’t be going anywhere with people who are mean to them, especially if their parent doesn’t advocate for them

It's a bit like pulling teeth really with the slow drip-feeding and we still don't even know how old the kids are.

Either way OP, as the holiday isn't for a couple of years I wouldn't give it too much head space right now.

Your young children cannot be subjected to negative behaviour without it affecting them.
If your partner is choosing not to advocate for you and now your young children, it would be very cruel to be separate from them.

I would wait until they book a holiday and you book your family to go else where since you're paying for it. Your partner can either chose his extended family or a family holiday with you and your children.

If your children were preteen and older you could ask them what they feel is best. But as they're not, you need to put their welfare first.

Regularly supporting a relationship with their extended family regardless of the abuse you're subjected to is admirable but you have to step in and say no when it comes to leaving them vulnerable with adults who cannot treat children nicely.

Why would you be paying for it?

Anyway, your partner should have passed the baby book to you once he'd signed it, or done what DH and I do with cards, which is to ask the other if they want to sign it as well or shall one of us sign for both.

Pay for my kids to maltreated?

Why are you taking your children to be maltreated by visiting your in laws? Why are you with someone who sits back and allows your children to be maltreated?

Are they in-laws? I don't understand what situation needed addressed by your boyfriend regarding a book?
You could break up with your boyfriend and get a court order to prevent him taking his kids on holiday 🤷🏼‍♀️

Absolutely

@dontpost why do you still have anything to do with them ?

You can't stop a father taking his children on a holiday- if you legally say no he'll just go to court