Inconsistent father

[Mum1305]

Hi, I’m hoping for some advice. My daughter is almost 3 and her OP has become extremely inconsistent.
When she was a few months old he stopped seeing her for a year. He has been back in her life and seeing her regularly for just over 12 months however the past 4 months he’s become
increasingly inconsistent. Cancelling last min, not turning up. Swapping days and then forgetting.

I had suggest he maybe change his visiting schedule to one he could stick to as if this keeps happening I won’t be able to swap days so if he missed a visit he would have to wait until the next one. This resulted in him seeing her twice over a 3 month period.

I have now said unless you can come up with a routine you can stick to we would have to stop visits.

of course our DD misses him a lot and I have tried to get back on track with visits but he’s cancelled twice and now does not want to see her until it’s been agreed through court.

I do think a court agreement may actually help him stick to seeing her when he should but it’s an extremely long process.

our DD cries for him and tells me she misses her daddy and roll plays this out with her toys also. It’s heartbreaking to see. Do you think asking him if he’d face time her in the meantime would help? Or should I just leave it? I really don’t know how to navigate this situation in the best way. I don’t want to force OP to see our DD but I don’t want to prevent him either.

HELP!

Let the court sort this out. They will give him a tight schedule and he will not be able to make up visits he has missed. Sadly, this is likely to fizzle out and he will just go awol. All you can do is follow court order and give it the chance the court have set out.

If he can't follow a schedule now, he won't follow one just because it's come from the court. There's nothing they can do to force a father to see their child, orders are there to set a schedule and punish parents who don't make the child available for visits. If the NRP doesn't turn up to have their time with the child there is no recourse.

My ex-h walked out of DDs life when she was 3. Moved to the other side of the country and threw a fit because I dared to say he had to have some sort of schedule for when he was planning on visiting, I refused to be constantly available on his whim. I argued that routine was what was best for DD and she needed to know when to expect to see her father. Seeing on a random ad hoc basis wasn't good for her and I didn't fancy picking up the emotional mess that was going to create.

As a result he went AWOL and the only time he's made contact has been in reference to money. I suspect that eventually your child's dad will do the same

Don't expect consistency to follow from a court order.

My ex went through court just because he wanted to (openly admits that now) cause me hassle. He was given EOW and Wednesday evenings and in the years before I managed to get that overturned he saw our girls the grand total of 12 times. Even two of of those were at family events they had been taken to by his parents!

If he's lazy and not interested a court won't make him any more so.

If he does go to court ask for a pick up time to be included. Mine didn't which meant sitting about all day on the Saturdays waiting

aaw I fear it’s going to be an on and off situation as he cares a lot what people think and wouldn’t want people thinking he’s that type of person.

my DD is getting really upset and constantly asking for him… any advice on how to manage this?

I’ve told her she’s really busy working at the moment as I don’t know what else to say.