Self destruct mode is ruining my life

[MissL28]

Im really struggling with life right now, i guess its from a child iv struggled with feeling like i dont fit in or not loved, but now iv hit a point where im hurting people i love, im isolating myself and i dont want to be this person, please, what do i do 😭

I’ve heard cognitive behavioural therapy can help with this. You can Google it for information and work books you can use independently if you don’t want or can’t access a therapist.

But for now would you like to say more about what you’re struggling with so you can get more immediate advice?

Thank you for your reply, i am going to book a doctors app to see what they suggest might be the best services to go to.
Iv suffered on and off since i had my daughters, who are now 13 and 15, with post natal depression aswel as being in a mental an physical dv relationship.
All lead to anxiety and depression, iv not always been really low but when i drop its started to get harder, i grew up watchin my dad hurt my mom physically aswel as cheating, i then had my first child at 16 and left home at 17, i have 4 children now, 13,15,18 and 21, they are amazing and my reason for stepping up everyday, i have a partner who iv been with 7 years now, he loves me in a way iv never felt before, but we are v.diff in many ways but i do feel hes my soul mate an my best friend. We have had a bit if a rough patch wheres theres been no affection, intimacy or even communication some days, its made me feel unattractive and unloved, iv put it on a plate for him, told him how i feel an nothing changed,(i have gained abit of weight, not loads, an lost all my confidence) this is where iv craved his love so much that when someone made me feel attractive again iv ended up kissing someone and i told him when i had the guts, worst thing was i didnt want anyone else i just wanted him. Also i lost my grandad last yr june, then my nan immediately deteriorated after losing him, i have lost my nan and aunty within 2 weeks and my grandad last year, and my nan was my absolute everything, loved me unconditionally and im sooooo lost without her, she passed 2 weeks thursday coming, im so sad and in need of my nan. I just feel such a failure, burden and unloved that i cant manage my feelings properly anymore.

I would speak to your Dr about your depression and anxiety. I'd also get a checkup while you're there.

Cruse do bereavement counselling you might find helpful after your losses. I'm sorry to hear about your nan💐