Can someone help calm me down?

[CookieWaffle]

I'm due to get on a plane in a week's time and I'm having huge anxiety over it. We'll be travelling as a family with 2 adults and 2 young kids. I'm terrified of taking off and landing and I need to be calm to show my kids who are first time flyers (and both SEN) that it's OK. I've already seen in the news of one plane crash and also going over in my head of the logistics of getting 2 small kids in a plane is just stressing me out. Anyone able to give me some calming words?

Have you travelled before and been ok with it? Have your children travelled before?

No idea why I said travelled. I meant flown. Sorry, long day!

Ask your GP for diazepam just for the flight

There are 2 adults so you are only dealing with 1 child. That is completely doable

They won't give diazepam for flying anymore, well not that I know of anyway.

How are comments like these helpful?

they have nervous flyer courses you can take. Might help?

the other thing to keep in mind is you will be focused so much on your kids, you won’t have as much time to worry as you think.

I tell myself the pilot and cabin staff would not take off if for one minute they had even the slightest concern. Just like you wouldn't drive your car if you thought something was going to happen especially like the pilot there are passengers

I have travelled with an Sen child. They wore a sunflower 🌻 lanyard and at both airports (UK and Spain) the staff spotted it and opened the barrier and waved us through. In UK they asked us if we wanted to board first or last.
I was surprised and amazed - definitely buy one from eBay.

Bach Rescue Remedy drops take the edge of it enough for me, or Valerian pills. I also had Diazepam prescribed when I had to take a 12hr flight alone but didn't need it - the thought that I had 2 magic pills in my handbag was enough for me.

Ps and reading the Fear of Flying book by Allen Carr - it helped me heaps.

A lot of airports do a fear of flying course, its a day thing where you go visit the airport, sit on a plane, they talk you through everything thats happening. Don't know if there's one available this week near you. Your airports website will have it on if there is.

I've been on a plane several times. I'm usually clinging on to DH for dear life on take off and landing. Once up I'm OK until turbulence. Kids first time.

I've not heard of those before. I might look into it.

I usually go into focused mum mode when we're out with the kids so that's a possibility!

I wondered about the lanyard. DH seemed to think nobody would know what it meant. I might get it just in case...

Thanks for the book and fear of flying course suggestions, I will look into them. My heart is going ten to the dozen just thinking about all this.

Airports definitely know about the lanyards. They were one of the first places to use them.

Two questions from the coaching world that might help:

“What are the benefits you’re getting from having this fear?” (takes some thought, as it’s not obvious)

“Who would you be / what would it feel like if you didn’t have this fear?” (And then you consider what you’d need to do to bring that feeling closer, how you would act, what it would feel like, etc)

You can book special assistance if you feel that you need it. No one will ask you why. This will mean you're escorted through the airport to the plane itself. That would take away the burden of responsibility regarding that part of it. If your children have SEN, it would also be less stressful for them if you explain they need a calm environment for security.

I don't know what to suggest for the plane itself. Perhaps if you narrate everything that is happening to the children and focus on their needs, it will be a distraction?

Contact the airline and the airport if you have people in your party with SEN. DD wears her sunflower lanyard to travel and we have notified airlines before we fly. Depends very much on airline and airport, and if they don’t get it just be prepared for the standard experience. British Airways couldn’t give less of a shit, but that’s their standard approach to passengers in my experience currently. Heathrow and Gatwick definitely understand sunflower lanyards and will let you through the accessible lane for security and passport control. Heathrow T5 has a quiet lounge if you need it. Jet2 were the best experience and couldn’t have done more. A Greek airport opened a security scanner just for us as soon as they saw DD’s lanyard, whereas in the US and France our experience was that they don’t get it at all. Where our travel has gone badly wrong for reasons beyond anyone’s control, having pre-notified the airline was a massive help.

None of that helps you personally with your concern about flying, OP, but might help you with your DCs which will give you one less source of cortisol.

https://flyingwithconfidence.com/
https://www.fearless-flyer.com/
https://flywith.virginatlantic.com/gb/en/wellbeing-and-health/flying-without-fear.html
https://www.manchesterairport.co.uk/help/passenger-guides/fear-of-flying/
All good options 👍 You’ll be great!

They may not give diazepam any longer but they might give you propranolol. It stops the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Thanks for all the advice and responses. Sounds like it might be worth contacting the airline. I've just ordered a lanyard too. We went with priority boarding for the way there just to make things a bit smoother. I might even give the rescue remedy a try to see if that'll help.

The book is really good and an easy read - it made a world of difference to me.

Booking special assistance and having a lanyard will make it so much easier getting on as they will board you first (or last if that's better for you) and you will get fast tracked through security without paying extra.