Husband getting closer to Ex again

[Topsysmummy]

Hi, looking for some advice

My husband and I have been married for 15 years, we have 2 daughters. My husband has a son with his ex who is 22.

Before we married we had constant issues with his ex, even though they had separated a few years before we met, she was always quite hostile towards me as she relied heavily on him for financial support and saw me as an obstacle to this.

My husband never really dealt with things at the time so for years I was never involved in family events so that the ex could still attend. Even once we had our own kids my MIL/SIL would make it clear that my kids could go but I wasn't welcome as it would make things awkward for everyone.

We somehow got passed all this and moved on, husband had only had scarce contact with his ex over the last few years.

Around a year ago my FIL had a heart attack. My husband was obviously distraught and it was touch and go for a while. He refused to let me visit his dad in the hospital as MIL had requested only close family. It turned out that the ex had been visiting, husband was on the phone to her for hours at a time every evening as she was very upset about it. I didn't want to upset him by bringing this up as it was a really stressful time for him but eventually I did mention it to him that I knew she was involved and he went mad, basically told me that she was close to his family, and had been a part of his family for a lot longer than me and that I should get over it... I put all this down to the stress of the situation and tried to not think about it too much, even though what he said really hurt me.

Now my stepson has just became a father. My husband is over the moon to be a grandad and my daughter's are delighted to be aunties, but again I'm not allowed to be involved. Husband and his ex are close again, going to the hospital together, long phone calls again. Obviously they have every right to be doing things together as they are excited first time grandparents but I'm just wondering if I'm over reacting? Friends say after all these years he's still not putting me first, and I can see that, after 15 years married things will probably never change so do I stay in my marriage just for the sake of my own kids.

I'm sorry but this sounds awful, I can't believe they've all treated you like this for 15 years, if you're not family now you never will be. Also they may share a grandchild but why on earth does that mean they need to have any contact. I'd be moving on at this point 💐

Leave him before he leaves you for her.

If they aren't already then their certainly close to a physically affair but theirs emotional one going on.

I suspect she still sees him as her husband and you're of no consequence to her in her mind.

Let's not forget the lies and the manipulation here too.

Ducks in a row time I'm afraid OP.

Thanks for replying Allie. I am seriously considering it now. We can go a few years without drama but every now and again something happens and I'm put back in my place again. You're right, time to move on...

That's awful. Not just the ex but the way his family has treated you too. You're a Saint to have tolerated this for 15 years

It is awful for the whole famiiy to sideline you with your husband agreeing. You are his wife and mother to two of his children, for goodness sakes! They can all be good friends with his ex-wife but you should definitely not be excluded, there is room for you. Other families manage similar situations, why can't they? It is insulting to you, don't put up with it.

Thanks for replying Duck. She absolutely does. Just reappears every so often to put me in my place...

He always makes it seem like it's only me who can see a problem. Major gaslighting. Sick of it

Thanks for replying. Don't get me wrong sometimes things are good I am accepted in the family, but only if the ex isn't there. Because of that I stopped bothering with them years ago but now they just say I'm the awkward one as I won't put up with their sh!t. He won't change so it's time for me to..

Thanks for replying, you are absolutely right. I keep thinking things have changed but then something else will happen and I'm back to square one...

There nothing I can say that hasn't already been said except I hope u have started to get those ducks in a row. Its awful how they've been treating u.