Help, am I being out of order?

[Marygirl90]

Hey Guys,

I'm new here and just looking for some opinions/advice on a particular topic. I will give some background and information now and any weigh ins would be greatly appreciated.

I'm 34 and recently found I am expecting my first child with my boyfriend 42, he currently has a son 4 from a previous relationship, we live in a lovely 3.5 bed house, 3 bedrooms and an office room.

Our current set up is master bedroom being our bedroom, second size bedroom being son/his mothers room (decorated equally for both), followed by a dressing room for me and then an office. He has a room set up for his mum as she lives in Spain so stays with us when she is in UK, he is one of three brothers and he is the only one with a room for her.

Now finding out I am pregnant comes the space talk, where will things go, nursery etc. Being a first time mum a nursery is very important to me and something I have always planned and envisioned etc. I have said from get go I would sacrifice my dressing room for a nursery but I do have a lot of things so my partner questions where will it all go? I have came up with the solution that my dressing room becomes a nursery, the office gets used maybe 4/5 times a year so I have suggested that become part playroom for his son/part office and i reduce my belongings so some wardrobes and draws for me can fit in his sons room (his son spends one night a week with us). The only issue with this is there is a double bed in that room (for his mum when she visits) so it would mean getting rid of that to some sort of child's cabin bed to keep it as a room for his son/my wardrobes etc.

My partner was not keen on this idea as he is reluctant to lose a bed for his Mother, he has suggested keeping everything as it is and just putting a cot in our room, which I'm pretty upset about as having a room for our baby, a place to nurse etc is important.

His mum has a lump sum of money invested in the house so he uses this as she deserves a bed based on that. We are looking to purchase a bigger property in a couple years so I have said there will be a spare room back then for her but for now could she maybe lean on his siblings for space as we are also a growing family, he isn't convinced and reverts back to just creating a nursery in the corner of our room.

I have said my only priority is having space and comfort for our family and a bed, toy space for his son when he stays, but it seems his differs.

Am I being out of order for wanting to switch things around to accommodate a nursery over a bed for his Mother? I just cannot see the logic is cohabiting in one space when we are there 7 days a week and there will be a room that is used one day a week and perhaps 4 times a year. Opinions?

Your child needs a room you need to agree together, you don’t need a dressing room.

ps, I mean this gently but they are drawers not draws.

Hi,

No I know this, maybe I wasn't clear in my post I have from get go I will sacrifice dressing room as a nursery is more important to me. The only reason a dressing room was created is there is physically no room in our bedroom as my partner has all the wardrobe space, hence me now needing somewhere to move rooms so my option being sons room and creating a playroom for him in office that is barely used.

Hope that makes sense, thank for advice.

To be honest if my mum had invested her own money into my home and I knew she needed a place to stay I wouldn’t be getting rid of her bed either. Presumably you both benefit from that money, she has a financial interest in the property and if my mum had done that I would be making sure she has somewhere to sleep. There’s also the fact that his son won’t be 4 forever, a kids bed will be quickly outgrown and then he needs a bigger bed anyway.

Easiest solution is leave your bedroom as it is, leave son/mums bedroom as it is, dressing room becomes a nursery and office becomes storage space for the extra clothes etc from dressing room. If the office is only used 4/5 times a year you don’t need one, it might be nice to have one but you don’t need one, use that room as storage and make the dressing room for the nursery.

I see your point, I am considering buying her out of the property, she has also suggested this. I own another property on my own so me and baby living there to avoid disruption could be an option.

The office is half a bedroom and to put wardrobes in there you would barely walk to the desk, i personally think we can sack off the office altogether but my partner insists he needs it.

Thanks for your advice!

Why can the office not combine with a dressing room? How often does dp's dc stay over? You are making his mother and his ds the problem but the real issue is that you have two semi redundant rooms which could be better used. Baby should be in with you for at least six months anyway.

The office is super small, classed as small single room but this is definitely something I would be okay with if he could sacrifice.

He stays once a week, Friday nights.

I know baby will be in with us, it was just more that i know we had the space if we utilised it correctly to create a nursery which is something that I was excited about and then baby was ready to go in there when ready so we weren't moving things around when baby was here.

Can’t you leave the wardrobe in your dressing room and just add a cot? Although it will be easier for you and baby if the baby is in your room.

Yeah the baby will be in with us for a period of time i know, It was just me trying to create a space for them their things.

The dressing room is a box room so potentially could squeeze a cot in which may have to be option to save MIL bed.

The other option is that you simply agree that the dressing room becomes a lovely nursery but then your partner needs to make space for your clothes in the master bedroom.

Could you both be a bit savvier with your wardrobe space needs? Get rid of clothes you don’t wear; and pack up your winter clothes during the summer and vice versa. Vacuum pack them and store in the loft or under the bed.

It previously worked for you to put your clothes in a separate room but that isn’t viable anymore so your partner needs to share wardrobe space in the main bedroom.

Don’t get hung up on the nursery, but focus on the fact that at some point your DC will need their own room.

if you weren’t talking about moving, logically that would be the 2nd biggest room.

3rd biggest room becomes shared DS/mil space and the 4th room is storage.

if you’re moving I’d keep DS and mil in the 2nd biggest room until you move.