City or suburban life??! Help me decide

[xtinabale55]

I grew up in a midlands town right next to what was then a buzzing and busy medium sized town right on my doorstep, it is now sadly desolate like most medium sized towns but also so declined bar the one estate we moved to just outside of the area by a 10 min walk which I loved as it was far enough away from any crime, drugs etc it wasn't terrible but it wasn't great but the estate was well kept, quiet with more working families with a decent local shop but only a 15 mins back to the town and all the local parks etc. we decided to move out of there as starting a family we thohhht is it right we're surrounded by some really rough areas and although some of our friends turned out fine, many didn't! I have A LOT of childhood memories and it was fine then but I think as an adult I can't make it workable when my heart tells me just go bk but my head tells me what if she gets in with the wrong crowd, but people there have more character, here people don't do much and yes it's safe here but there is bigger all happening and the town in that sense made life a lot more interesting!!! There is also zero diversity here, people are lovely, polite but very pc and it's pretty bland tbh! I have no decent town parks I can walk my child to so I get in the car and go back! We always have a fab time but you do see some very unsavoury characters knowing about but that's was the same back when I was a kid, mum just said stay away from those types, you did and you got on with the people that were just less off it so to speak! I miss the place so much and I hate that I am driving all the time when o wish I could just step out my door and walk to places but then I realise it's not entirely what it once was, the town in my opinion is fine, run down yes and a bit like the walking dead big work a 5 yr old it has enough to fill a few hrs for us and we enjoy nipping to the park on the way bk but then I feel so stupid and this huge sadness getitng bk in the car and driving the 30 mins bk to our semi rural town!

Some people here think I'm mad for wanting to go bk there but I miss the diversity too, people here sometimes are less chatty, how to describe it more conservative is maybe what I'm saying, just don't speak that much for example. I often find someone to have a chat with back in the old town when I'm mooching about.

I just feel so far from home as it was where I grew up, i weirdly miss the sound of police sirens, traffic, kids running round outside (here you hardly see any kids about, but people tell me it's cos they don't go out much anymore but is that the rural towns only and is to differnt near the bigger towns and cities??!)

I just don't know how to make my mind up!

My child is 5 so I have time to make the change bk or do I take the safe the suburban life with its slightly better but not much better schools or go bk where she may have a lot more fun with friends but def not come out with any GCSEs which in a way is fine as I can help her more financially as she grows up I came out out no GCSEs myself and managed to find my way and I had a great social life up to my 20s as an offer of the lovely friends I made there!

I don't know why I cannot decide, it's almost like I'm torn right down the middle beteeen heart and head, I used to just know what to do but as I've got older I get frozen with indecision I don't know why!

The town may be fine now also but not fine when she gets to 10+ and the parks will have its day then too, where and what do 10+ yr olde do these days! We used to walk in to town and knockabout outside together for hours sit in the park etc but do kids even do that, if not then I guess it doesn't matter so much anymore where you live...

I often also wonder if I've just got a really unhealthy attachment to the place bc I'm seeing it in the light of the eyes of my childhood! You don't see the things you see as you get older as concerning, you just get on with having the most fun you can because you can as your a child with no responsibilities, I wonder if I jjjst miss that stage also pf my life as adulting is so damn hard at times and challenging and boring that I associate the place with what were some of the happiest times of my life and I just want my child to have the same! This decade is so much different to what it was then though! Kids played out all half terms, every evening and wknd as all mums and parents were home esp there as it was poor and not the norm then for anyone to go abroad so I had a great time with my friends and never craved being away as I'd miss my friends, but my daughter has the opposite? A small town life, kids don't play out, it's the norm to go abroad now, it's all just so different and I'm struggling I think to get my head around if it's worse or better and I'm feeling like bc my childhood in my view was so fantastic with its many corner shops on terraced streets work a real mix and diversity of kids that that's better than what here has to offer! I do not know how to logically make a decision... and finally put this at ease in my mind for once and for all!

In general, city life is good. Walking to places and having a good community around you and kids playing out is all very healthy and much better than isolated suburbia where you have to drive everywhere.

it seems your major worry is the 'unsavoury characters' in the city and the possibilities of bad influences as your daughter grows up. do you have the time and energy to work to against that? so move back and join community groups that create activities for teens or join the governing body of the local school or do things that will improve life in the local area. If you can do that, then the city would be a great option.

Of the family / friends I've seen in different locations, the city kids are smart and independent in the real world, while the suburban / countryside kids spend far longer on phones / computer games (because they can't walk to friends) and struggle more in young adulthood.

I think I just need to find a place closer to the town so I don't feel as far away, a lot of old friends I have don't live there, but live closer then we do, I'm about a 30 min drive out of town, they're all in different parts but are 0-15 min drive away so it's a quicker nip in to visit the parks etc. I just think it's my partner obsessing about the rougher parts that's got me so much more worried about being closer to there then I am concerned. He just thinks it a bad idea point blank but so many people are closer to the city and are living very happy and normal lives where's I see us being more isolated as we're further out and that there are parts you can live a nice normal life in that aren't as far out as we are. There are luckily more families moving here and have moved here and it isn't hugely terrible as we do know a few people here so she has regular friends to play with but at this age of course I have to arrnage that but it's a lot more spread out too, I'm not sure if it's be much different in those smaller towns on the skirts, that don't actually have as much going on as our slightly more out of city town has, where we are there are a few events and a high street it's just not as good as the city's high street if that makes sense so in that way we have more than the places on the fringes of the city as I guess those people go in to the town when needed whereas for me I can do the same but it's a 1 hr round trip instead of half that time. I just find there is a lot more people and more of a mix of people closer to the city whereas here it's a very similar sort of character place with not a lot of mix and it is quite bland compared to where I grew up, I'm just not used to that. It seems everytime I find a positive there's a negative to each scenario and jjst cannot make up my mind what's best. I want my child to be able to go out and make friends not be sat on iPads all day I'm not sure here will give her that more than somewhere nearer to the city. The other added complication to this is I recently had 2 miscarriages in a row, the second resulted in surgery and I have been so unwell so it's really hittting home about the lack of family I have I really wanted 2-3 children I feel so worried about my daughter as she's already nearly 5 and we've still not managed to have another that I wanted for her so much! She was such a terrible sleeper the stress meant I haven't been able to consider another until the last yr but I've gone through since Nov 2 awful miscarriages losing me 7 mths and a further 2 more mths of waiting before I can consider trying again to maybe end up again wheee I was it's so hard as I'm not getting any younger I'll be 40 in December time ticking and it all just feels so overwhelming