hi
Did you do your disclosure?
I knew about my recent ex years ago, as he was seeing a friend's friend and I remember thinking he was disgusting in my 20's. Roll on 20 years, I am very vulnerable, he appears in my life, like a knight in shining armor, in my weakest most troubled state after I was raped. He was the only one who knew for months and my main support.
He quickly started to show behaviors that terrified me, blowing up because he had lost a pair of shorts on a trip. I pointed out that I had lost my new iPad and I wasn't going mad, throwing things around the hotel room, shouting and swearing. He went mental, I ran out of the hotel in tears and hid from him, and he came walking out all calm. Quickly it escalated, he had no respect for me, my house, my family or my friends and was telling me such and such hated me, his mum and daughter were begging him to dump me as they hated me and said I was crazy. Pulled me to bits, said you earn £50 an hour, you need to work more. I said I don't need to work more, I have almost paid for my house and my business runs along smoothly 3 days a week, that's all I can handle. Besides he doesn't work, he lives in a social flat, that's all paid for by taxpayers like me.
One night he was so bad, he was drunk, we were going away, loads to do, he said he's going the pub. I said you're joking? We have to do this, this and this and we've not even booked the hotel yet. He screamed at me that I am mental and controlling. He called me when he was supposed to be back to help, telling me all about this guy that he's seen. He battered him so bad when he was 14 that his face had to be rebuilt and it's still a mess and this guy told him he had spoilt his life. Then an hour later, I pick up my phone and he's left me vile voice messages, horrid, omg I can't believe it now, writing this, just what I put up with.
An hour later he stormed my house screaming who do you think you are, who do you think you are, running around and using different voices. He then started to sit in my dining room and call me slag, vile human, old lonely woman, horrible woman, I have no friends. I was crying, dying inside at this attack, I said I do have friends. He stormed down the kitchen and screamed in my face, who who, you Pr*k? Name them, come on name them, you slag you f-ing Pr*k? I put my head in my hands and he demanded I remove them. I ignored him so he pulled me of the counter (I was sitting on it) by my wrist in a snatch and pinned me against the window, by my neck, screaming at me. I was screaming for him to stop, screaming for help. It felt like forever, but I think it was only a few minutes, as all of a sudden my dad is in front of me and my ex had spun around and said to him, whilst now crying, you know what she is like. My dad would have killed him 15 years ago, but no is in his 70's and he said no, my daughter is the victim, I know your game, get out and he threw him out. He came back, demanding we go away, demanding his stuff if I'm not coming. My neighbour who had called my dad, called the police. He was arrested, and the police are not stupid, he had left 40 ounces of cannabis all over my house and they ignored it, as they knew it was his and not mine.
I took him back after a month and he soon got worse, I found a text from his ex, who was from London. She called me, she told me everything and I believed every word she said. He beat her, left her with a broken face and bruising on the brain and he was convicted. He strangled her and raped her during the relationship and she couldn't work enough. She was 10 years younger, away from family and friends and looking after his two kids. But I couldn't end it, the police kept calling me, I've never had trouble with the police in my life and was so paranoid by now. They wanted to do a disclosure for me.
I went, they were lovely, they confirmed his ex story on the conviction and also said there were numerous callouts, reports and incidents from several different women on this individual over the years relating to domestic abuse. They considered this individual to be a danger to women in a relationship.
I ended it a few days later, I lost it, I was raging and his mum came, calling me all sorts. I gave it her back, but I had lost it, my dad said he was proud of me, but I wasn't, I feel I let myself down, and lost all my dignity on that one.
Anyway, he was hard to shake off, he hung around for 6 months as a friend and I got pulled back in for 2 weeks. I found out he had been calling me crazy, controlling and as if he would go out with me when fighting with one of my old female friends in a pub. He even had a vile ringtone for me, when he came here, I called him. I knew she was telling me the truth, but this time I didn't feel sorry for him. I knew I was crazy, I was not myself, I had been so gaslit and manipulated, I didn't know who I was or what to trust. I have been free 6 weeks now, it's bloody hard, not to call him. But I am getting lots of support from family and friends (in fact most of the town hate him and were shocked I was with him) and the domestic abuse support worker from New Era has been an amazing help. She makes me look at the evidence, that this person with 28 criminal convictions isn't a nice loving person, he is a vile abuser and no one around him is thriving.
You have two women saying this to you, believe them, I hope you got your disclosure and support. Women wouldn't lie about such a thing, would I tell someone? Yes, I would advise them to do a clares law. I couldn't tell them the full disclosure, but I can tell them what my story on it will say, the others the police will tell them.
I hope you are happy and safe