Friendship- Am I the arsehole?

[chloe1243]

⛔️LONG POST⛔️
So I recently met this other young mum on a our local community page, I reached out as she expressed she just moved to the area, her mum had just passed away and was just looking for other mums to be social with.

I spoke with her for a few weeks, would see her passing by when I was in work and would stop to have little chats. She then messaged me about two weeks ago asking if I wanted to meet up with her and her child with my children. I agreed and suggested a local family friendly pub. We got there late afternoon, we planned to have a glass of wine together while the children played in the outdoor area. Time ran away from us, it ended up being around dinner time, so I said to my children they could have dinner there. The lady said to her child they'd have dinner there together aswell. When it came to paying the bill, she asked if she could just "transfer" me the money, I agreed, the food bill came to £73.98, I didn't eat and nor did my sister who also came. The children ate and the lady also got food and also ordered a bottle of wine.

I live literally 5 minutes up the road from my local, so I was planning on leaving after dinner. She wanted to stay, so I agreed that I would leave around 9pm. This lady decided that she would continue to buy bottle after bottle, in the end she had brought 4 bottles of wine all together, I can hand on heart say me and my sister only had 3 glasses out of all four bottles. By 9:30pm she was so drunk, her child was upset, tired, wet and wanted to go home. My children are a bit older than hers, so they wasn't an issue, her child is 3. She then in front of her child started an argument with a full grown man before throwing his glass across the bar and getting thrown out the pub.

It didnt feel right to let her walk 15 minutes to her home, drunk, in the dark, by herself and her 3 year old child. So I walked her home with my sister and children.

Now, when I got home that evening I checked my bank account to see if she had sent me her share of food, she hadn't. The children's meals were £9 each, including dessert, so I literally spent less than £20. I have constantly been messaging her asking her for this money, and she has straight up ignored me. I wouldn't be moaning if it was just her child's food, I would have happily paid, but she got herself a three course meal and alcoholic drinks. I'm honestly so pissed off and don't know what to do about this.
I work really hard for my money, I'm a support worker to adults with disabilities and mental health issues, I'm also a single mum with no local support apart from my sister.
I just think it's fucking trampy how you can meet someone, and basically sponge off them and then ignore them? Like what the fuck..

Rant over, sorry for a long one 😂

Forget about the money. Block. Ignore.

Those poor children. Kiss the money good bye and block.

I am sorry but you lost me at going to a pub with children. I don't care how family friendly it is. Why didn't you go to a child friendly coffee shop or the park. I really do not understand that at all.

Ooof. Doesn't sound like you'll see the money, so it's one to learn from. Why couldn't she pay her own share at the time?

Her poor child. Her mum got blotto and the kid was not taken care of. Horrible.

Unfortunately I think you have to kiss that money goodbye.

I'm wondering where I can feed 4 people, washed down with 4 bottles of wine.

I agree, boozers aren't for kids. Drunk people scare them.

You never know, she may yet transfer the amount owing. How long has it been since you got stiffed with the bill?

It's been about a week and a half now. I think I'm just wishfully thinking she'd give me my money back. 😂

"Those poor children". 😂 poor CHILD, my children were fine. You do what you're comfortable with, and I'll do the same. When I say "family friendly", I mean, full on park and an indoor play area.
You may want to meet your friends for a coffee, but I know my limits, and had three glasses between 6 hours. My children are older, as I already stated.

And I also stated there was five of us. Food and ONE bottle of wine came to £73.98.

I think she saw you coming. I don't know how you're going to extract the money from someone who is ignoring you so you may have to write it off.

Probably the best thing. 🙃

Yes those poor children hours in a place surrounded by adults drinking and their mothers drinking to excess. If it incapacitates you to drive how can you consider being fit to parent?

I don’t see that as funny. It really isn’t healthy for them to be hours around adults in a space where obviously her children were vulnerable .

Why on earth do some adults not understand that the children are scared around drunk adults? But hey if you find it funny.

I think you need to let the money go and learn a lesson that the next time you're in a pub with a person in sole charge of a three year old child and they finish the first bottle, you don't stick around to find out what happens after the fourth. Now you know. Making new friends is excellent, and you sound like you did a kind thing with the right intentions but being able to see the signs when they're in front of you is a handy skill to develop. Let it go and move on.

If this is even true, write off the money and report the scummy cow to social services.