I'm so lonely

[PiperLeo]

I'm just here for a vent folks. If you feel you want to reply, please be kind.

I feel so lonely. I have done for quite a while but it seems to be worse this last year. I have a DH and we are happy in our relationship, we talk all the time...so you're probably wondering why I'm lonely. We enjoy doing different things so most nights he does his thing and I sit watching TV. I used to enjoy jigsaws and latch hook and diamond painting. Stuff like that. Now I feel like I have to force myself to do it. It's just not enjoyable. I feel like all i do is housework and cook for the family and watch TV.

I have a total of 2 friends, both of them for over 30 years. 1 lives over 20 miles away. The other about 15 miles. I don't drive and it's 2 buses to visit one and 2 buses and a train ride to visit the other. I have anxiety so one bus journey is about as much as I can handle. One friend doesn't drive and the other constantly cancels meet ups for various reasons. She insists she wants to stay friends and she understands why I can't go see her but still cancels.

One of them has a huge friend circle and quite a few times now she has invited "all of her friends" round for a drink but I haven't been invited. It makes me feel really left out and hurt. I haven't told her straight but I think she understood how I felt. Yet she's done it again tonight.

I have sisters but they all do their own thing and have their own friends. They don't want their sister tagging along. We do something together once in a blue moon.

I don't have any friends where we live. My kids are older so no chance of meeting people through them. Plus I live in a village where everyone knows everyone and know everyone's business so I don't particularly want to engage with them. It's all gossiping behind people's backs.

We've been trying to move for years but haven't had the money and when we did , we couldn't find affordable housing.

I'm feeling trapped and so very lonely.

Thanks for reading.

OP, you don’t say how old you are but could you join some clubs - ramblers etc?

Your comment about not finding pleasure in pursuits you used to enjoy makes me think you might be depressed, might it be worth chatting with your GP?

Is there anything you think you would enjoy that you’re not currently doing? Travel etc?

Solidarity, loneliness is a sad place to visit. My experience of it is that js was always linked to my mental health rather than external factors. Be kind to yourself.

The best advice I ever read: get out whenever you can, chat pleasantly (but not for too long) to everyone, without expectation.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way! My first thoughts were maybe trying some local groups within a distance that you’re comfortable with? Or volunteering? Hope you find something that helps and that you feel better soon.

Hi. Thanks for your reply. I'm 37. We can't afford to travel much. Just a caravan holiday every year and the occasional night away. I do enjoy not being here. But it's not feasible to go out every day. I work but only casual. When I'm at work, I'm fine but when I come home, I'm very down.
There are no clubs in this area as it's a small village. My anxiety is causing me too much stress to actually go to the doctor because any time I go, they seem like they don't really care. They ask me what I'm expecting...I don't know. I want them to tell me 🙈

I know it’s not the same but would you consider joining online communities for the meantime seen as you don’t want to mingle with the villagers! For example a creative writing club or a book club or whatever you’re interested in. You might make a couple of friends from that.

Also is there any particular reason why you don’t drive? If you are able to it may be worth considering how to learn to drive. I’m learning to drive right now as I feel public transport in my area is unreliable and limited.

Yeah I don't mind doing online things. I just need to find what I want to do. I used to do a creative writing thing which I enjoyed but the website stopped it. Haven't found anything similar since. That doesn't want money anyway.

I used to take lessons but the instructor retired. I waited years and took it up again but then covid hit. Tried again and but I started working full time and nobody covered evening or weekends. That's still the case plus there are ridiculous waiting lists for instructors for miles around. It's definitely something I want to do. There just always seems to be an obstacle.

Thank you

Hiya, OP . . . I'm so sorry you're feeling like this

After I ended up living alone after a bereavement one of my friends told me that the best thing I could do was to join a group. She predicted, quite correctly, that I would meet people with a similar interest to myself and that would lead to other things. I go to three crafts , , , several of my friends have enjoyed going to W.I. meetings and others have enjoyed joining a reading group, yoga class or tai chi. My DS enjoys a local history group that meets at her library

I appreciate that it may be more difficult for you, transport wise. I really hope you can find something that sparks your interest . . . I know it's not easy going for the first time but there has to be a first time so that you can enjoy the subsequent occasions IYSWIM