Gran or Mum?

[Itlooksworsethanitis]

I had my daughter at 42, after many years of not thinking we would be able to have any children. She is an absolute blessing and I love her to bits, but there’s one thing I find really hard to cope with: people often think I’m her grandmother. My daughter is 16 now. Other people my age really ARE grandparents, and I try to console myself with the fact that it may not be the fact that I look like an old woman, but just that I really AM old enough to be a grandmother, so other people assume. Others might laugh it off, but it really bothers me. Plus, I feel that it’s rude to make assumptions about things like this. AIBU?

YABU. Once people reach the age where they could be grandparents, it’s natural that people might assume that. My DH was once asked if he was my DD’s grandad in M&S, he just laughed it off.

I have this to look forward to… had my toddler at 40
I also find it is rude to make assumptions but usually no harm meant in it. They just haven’t thought about it. Somebody assumed I was pregnant the other day. She’ll not be making that mistake again lol. x

I had my 2nd at 40. I'm now 65. Never been mistaken for a nana 😅

I’ve also been called ‘sir’ more than once which is probably worse.
I agree it’s rude of people to make assumptions and presume a relationship. You can correct them and laugh it off but tbh it does rankle.
I was escorting my dad to a hospital appointment once and the nurse assumed I was his wife! I wish I had said something at the time but was so stressed navigating my Dad through the appointment I let it go.
When I looked after my nephew I’d have comments too . No one ever seemed to think that another relative might be in the frame.
His mum, being a first time mum at 45 , was gutted to be called his grandma.

I could understand being offended if you were only "technically" old enough. For example, if you were 48 and they'd have to assume everyone involved was pregnant at 16.

But at your age you could have a 16 year old granddaughter with everyone involved having graduated university. I think it's unreasonable to be offended if people make this assumption.

I personally wouldn't verbally assume you were the grandma just to avoid an awkward situation. But I might assume it in my head.

I had my last at 43, but I rarely get mistaken as my kids' grandparent - I may get asked if I am a grandmother, but not to my own kids.

It's an age old assumption isn't it , it's never gonna go .You're always gonna be more likely a G. ma at that age .

Where I live most mothers are older so it's unlikely it would be an issue.

I think the other thing to consider is what a "grandma" looks like these days. My grandmothers were very much old ladies but generally women in their late 50s and early 60s do not look like old ladies so I wouldn't take it as an insult.

Hmm, was nearly 40 with our second and that never happened to us. Lots of people in our scoool/social circles were similar ages though. To see a young mum at the gates was fairly unusual.

Where we live now, there are many more younger parents so I’d think it an easy assumption to make. Wouldn’t be offended.

I used to get mistaken as the older sister with my 2.
Now its really you have adult children at your age.
I wouldent worry about it op.

Yes I’ve been called “mate” a few times, not really sure what to make of that one