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Original poster

mickey taking out of a disabled child

32 replies

mieow · 08/12/2002 09:14

We went shopping today (feeling brave!!!) We had to do some food
shopping and as DS major buggy wasn't in the car we decided to let
him walk, now DSs walking gait is funny and his arms flap around
when he runs and he can't run very fast. He was just in front of us
when a bloke wearing a teacosy on his head(well thats what it looked
like!!!!!and in his late 20s I hasten to add) started to take the
mickey and imitate DS's running. DH just saw red and shouted "I
know that you didn't just take the p**s out of my son" The bloke
just turn round and walked away. I know that many adults find it
hard to understand disablities but in this day and age, surely
people shouldn't take the mickey out of a 4 year old!!!!! At the
moment DS is unaware of peoples staring and everything else but
he will soon realise that the mickey taking is directed at him.
This isn't the time this has happened and last
time it too was adults. I am sooooooooooooooooo annoyed!!! What give
an adult (who should know better) the right to take the mickey out
of a child who doesn't know what it is to even be horrible to anyone
(except his sisters)

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/12/2002 09:17

I agree - it's inexcusable. I think your DH was rather restrained actually!

GeorginaA · 08/12/2002 09:22

I agree with SoupDragon - what a horrible horrible thing to experience. Sounds like the teacosy bloke had personality disabilities :P

Original poster
mieow · 08/12/2002 09:22

DH was very argry and was shouting a lot but I just said that we have known for a long time that adults are the worst for this kind of behaviour. I think if DH hadn't had the baby in his arms he would have flown at him.

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/12/2002 12:35

Mieow I'm so sorry to hear you met such an idiot. Dh and I were talking about this situation only yesterday re ds, who is 21 months. I think your husband was very restrained from what you say,I only hope that we are able to react in the same way when it happens to us. I say when not if because it seems to be an inevitable part of watching our son growing up. It amazes me that there are laws against racial abuse and religious abuse, but nothing to protect the disabled, I think it is scandalous that this is an area of life that people feel they can behave as they wish and get away with it.

roxie · 08/12/2002 17:40

Mieow -

it's at times like this that it makes me ashamed to be part of the human race. Your dh should have punched the guy's lights out!!!

leese · 08/12/2002 18:51

mieow - the tea cosy was probably worn in a vain attempt to keep his last remaining brain cell in place.........

sobernow · 08/12/2002 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chinchilla · 08/12/2002 19:38

Mieow - I'm so sorry. I'm just glad that your ds didn't realise what had happened. Some people hardly deserve the name 'Human Beings' do they?

ks · 08/12/2002 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mieow · 08/12/2002 20:17

This isn't the first time it has happened though, Unbelievely people think that it is perfectly acceptable to take the mickey out of a child. We knew that it would happen (as Lou33 said) it is a part of your life when you end up raising a disabled child, (unforturely we have 2 with Cerebral palsy so we know that we will get it x2) but then it happens its horrible. DS is so kind hearted and it annoys me that there is prats like that out there.

OP posts:
Mog · 08/12/2002 20:45

Mieow,so sorry to hear this happened. Was wondering if any of us were to be onlookers in a similar situation, is there anything we could have done to make you and dh husband feel better? I think sometimes onlookers can be shocked at this kind of behaviour but not really know what to do for the best.

suedonim · 08/12/2002 23:26

Mieow, it's hard to believe there are such horrible people in this world. I cannot get my head round what type of person would act in such a way. I admire your and your DH's restraint; at least you all have your dignity, which is more than can be said for that pr*t. I wouldn't mind betting any passers by were appalled, too.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2002 09:44

One thing that occurred to me is how to know if an adult who does this sort of thing does not have some sort of disability or learning disorder themselves which makes them bahave in this way.

hmb · 09/12/2002 10:13

I am sure that sometimes you are right Soupdragon. But I am equally sure that the majority are just being vile and foul. There seems to be a tendency to put all bad behaviour down to some psychological/developmental problem. Sometimes people are just being awful. And this sort of 'must have a problem' devalues the real problems that some children and adults do have. Children with ADHD etc need our understanding and help, but others are just horrible gits that need to be told to behave.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2002 10:26

Absolutely! I agree entirely hmb. However, it's still something we should all stop and think about before condemning someone for their behaviour. Or before taking the mickey out of someone!

Does anyone remember that programme about the boy with Tourettes? How many of us would have thought "what an obnoxious little child" if we encountered him in a supermarket?

Original poster
mieow · 09/12/2002 10:29

we have had this discussion on another site that I am with. I asked if we are the always assume that someone has a "hidden disability" and let everyone that the mickey out of our disabled kids. I am pretty sure that he did't, in fact I would have said he was on drugs. The other time that it happened it was a young girl (early 20's) who was a bit the worse for drink.... People seem to think that if a person has disablilty they can get away with being nasty, for example, my BIL is a large bloke and DS keeps saying that he is FAT to his face, I could say "oh well, he is disabled, and he doesn't understand that it hurts your feelings" but NO I tell DS "that it is horrible to take the mickey and to say sorry" I hope that DS and DD never take the mickey oot of anyone, especially as they have CP themselves as they will know just what it is like to be "different"

OP posts:
ariel · 09/12/2002 10:44

I have yet to encounter such down right ruedness regarding dd(nearly 5 and has cp and various other disabilities), we do get alot of just as annoying "comments" from so called well meaning people(just rude if you ask me)like "isnt she walking yet" or " oh dear you shoudnt let her use a pram at her age" And yes i do imagine that some people do have learning difficulties, but alot are just plain nosey.Adults mainly, whisper alot you know they think you cant hear them saying "i wonder whats wrong with that child" children on the other hand are wonderfull , they will come straight out and ask, i have no problems explaining why my dd is a bit differant to them, its the iggnorance of alot(not all) of adults that truely annoys me.

Original poster
mieow · 09/12/2002 10:57

Totally with you there, Children are great, most don't even ask what is wrong with DS but will just accept him as he is. DS is at mainstream school where his classmate love him and the older kids think he is great. HOwever, with adults I have been told that he shouldn't be in a buggy (at 2.5) when I explained why he was, the bloke told that "he can't be very brain-damaged if he lets you push him around!!!!! (teeth grinding by now) I have had people make comments behind their hands too (like you did it to your child!!!!!!!!)
Oh well, they have no idea just how much love and joy a disabled child can bring!!!!

OP posts:
Batters · 09/12/2002 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 09/12/2002 13:21

Good on you Batters!

bells2 · 09/12/2002 13:53

Hurrah for you Batters. I have had strangers forcible remove my son's thumb from his mouth which I found really upsetting.

Original poster
mieow · 09/12/2002 14:02

What I was trying to say was at the time DS was only 2.5 anyway and tons of kids are still in buggies at that age, admittally now he is nearly 5, it must look a bit odd that he uses a buggy (a special disabled one) but he rarely uses it (on the way home from school, shopping, day trips etc) but otherwise he walks. I think that if he was in a proper wheelchair people wouldn't say anything about his mode of transport but because his buggy looks like a everyday buggy (just on the large side) it looks like he is lazy. I sometimes wish had some people could walk a week in my shoes and then see what comments they make then. I have even had a consulant at our local hospital say "well, he has only mild CP" I nearly flew at him as the consulant at Great Ormond Street and DS's physio have both said that DS has modarate CP and its very complex as there is tons of things that don't normally affect a child with CP but DS has. I was so annoyed as the consulant seemed to think that its easy to deal with DS and that we didn't have to do much for DS! (if only) GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 09/12/2002 14:43

Mieow you have my complete sympathies! My brother has severe learning difficulties, but he looks perfectly normal and healthy, in fact he is a big lad now (25). What I have found is that it is not so much the adults who tease him, but children! I have witnessed a few children who have called him a 'spaz' and actually spat in his hair! At times like that I literally do see red and God help any child who ever gets in the way of my brother and me! I must admit, the only time I would physically hurt a child is when they are taking the ps out of him. You just see the hurt and upset on his face, for he knows he is different and he really can go through horrible depression at times. He is such a lovely, kind, gentle man, just like a child himself. He is full of love, and hugs and big wet kisses, how children could be so cruel I'll never know.

But then discrimination is everywhere. I have been carefully posting on the amniocentrisis thread about what would happen if an unborn baby were found to have defects, what the choices were. I have been condemned on that and I do find it very upsetting still. You shouldn't let it get to you, but comments from people who really are speaking from ignorance still manage to hurt. Those same people could be put in charge of my brother, or my nephew (who has Downs), and what treatment would they receive then? It's this "they should never have been born" attitude that just tears my heart out at times . But I can tell your two children are in good hands

Original poster
mieow · 09/12/2002 21:14

Rhubarb, I have just read the other thread and I totally agree with you. When I was pregnant with DS I was offered blood tests, which I refused, as I felt that at 18, the chance of having a child with a disablity or deformity was tiny. When DS was born he seemed healthy and we were over the moon. At 8 months old we started to question his development. At the age of 2.2 he was finally dignosed with Spastic Diplegia at Great Ormond Street, he had to have blood tests, scans and various tests, which ruled out genitic disorders and he was diagnosed with Spastic Diplegia CP at 2.5 (when I was 28 weeks pregnant with DD1) While pregnant with DD I was offered blood tests again I asked "can you test for CP?" to which they said "no" so we refused tests again. At 31 weeks DD was born weighing 3lb 12oz, she was very sick and spent 5 weeks in hospital. She was diagnosed with Spastic Diplegia CP at the age of 13 months, by which point I was 5 months pregnant with DD2 (shes ok) We also refused tests with her.
I wouldn't change my life now, and I know they can't test for CP but IF I had known during pregnancy I certainly wouldn't have even considered termination. My son is a delitiful child who make me smile, DD can be so loving and DD2 is just sooooo cute.
My children were all wanted children (admittly DD2 was a surprise) and I wanted them sooooooo much I couldn't imagine my life without them
I am 23 with 2 disabled children and I have found it easy to deal with, maybe if I was older I wouldn't have done so easily. I do find that older mums find it harder to deal with when their child is diagnosed with a disablity (no disrepect to older mum) but it seems that way to me. I am always being told that I have a sunny outlook on life but I would be no good mopping in the corner,
Sorry have sort have wandered of track

OP posts:
anais · 09/12/2002 21:20

My situation is not so bad as yours, but my ds was born with a cleft lip and palate. He had a fantastic surgeon and a really good repair, but obviously he still has a scar. I'm not ashamed or embarressed about his problem, but its not something we talk or think about much - just because it's not a big deal. Not so long ago we were at the park and a woman walks past and goes to her child "Look, that little boy has a cleft lip, like..." Now she was obviously commenting as she knew someone else with a cleft, and I know what it's like - once you're aware of something like that you do tend to notice other people with the same problem. But to say it in a loud voice in front of the person in question is something I would never do. As it happened ds didn't even notice, but I was furious. I have no doubt that as he gets older he will get more hassle for it, but somehow it;s worse when it comes from an adult who should know better. As much as possible, I want to avoid him being conscious and self-conscious about it.