Bridesmaid drama

[Rainbowbaby234]

Help! I’m an over thinker and resorting to the world of mumsnet to help me out. Just booked our wedding for summer 25. Plan to have 4 bridesmaids as it’s an equal number for photos etc and will be more affordable (I’d like to pay for dress/shoes/hair/make up). My hairdresser has also committed to do hair if it’s me and 4 others, any more numbers would mean hiring another hairdresser.

I have 3 definite bridesmaids. The fourth is getting tricky. I’ve made a work friend who I would consider a best friend over the last 10 years. We speak every day, see each other in and out of work and she’s been through thick and thin. I know she would always be there and I think a lot of her.

I also have another friend who I’ve known since school but now lives overseas. I would say she is a little needy/ mardy at times and probs expecting a bridesmaid invitation. But I guess we aren’t that close anymore and we aren’t as up to date in each others lives. But when we do meet up, it’s like we are 13 again and 17 years never passed by. I don’t want to upset her but I also don’t know what to do.

help.

Which do you want?

Just have 3? Photos will look great either way!

I'd stick to the 3 you're certain about, rather than adding one just to balance the photos.

I speak as someone who's been married twice and made poor bridesmaid decisions both times.

I think choosing a number before you know who you are going to ask is bizarre. Choosing an amount based on what will look best in photos is also bizarre.

Just have the 3 you want.

Who cares about photo symmetry?! Just choose who you actually want.

3 bridesmaids. Balance on photos is not a good reason to have a 4th bridesmaid.

I should probably rephrase my question by saying I DO want 4 bridesmaids, not because of the equal number but because I value all 4 friendships.

Deep down I want to ask work friend but I feel awful for long standing friend.

Yes I care too much about other people’s happiness.

I'd hate to think I got a guilt/pity invitation to be a bridesmaid.

Again...choose the person you want!

Choose the work friend.

Choose your work friend. Abroad friend sounds like hard work and that's the last thing you need as a bridesmaid. If you need an excuse (which you absolutely don't) then tell her you need people who are local and can help with the planning.

Could you ask work friend /long standing friend to do a reading at the ceremony instead of being a bridesmaid? A good friend of mine did that instead of bridesmaids and it was lovely, 1 friend was the witness and the rest of us did readings, one did a toast. It's a nice way to include people (if they don't mind public speaking of course!)

How often do you see the overseas friend?