Can anyone suggest a way in which I might improve my work/life balance or come up with more than 24 hours in a day?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I commute 1 1/2 hours each way and am essentially out of the house for 12 hours. I don't have a lunch hour so that I can leave "earlier." I need to do some exercise as I am looking like Mr Blobby's older and less attractive sister, but I just don't seem to have any time. I come home from work, cook, put children to bed, flop on sofa for an hour or on here for a bit, or write a bit, and then it's 11 o'clock and I need to go to bed for 0600 getting up and have achieved nothing and am knackered.

I cannot work from home one day a week as I don't have the IT necessary (I work on v sensitive stuff and most of it's not even on the computer). I am also not very disciplined and if I did somehow manage to work one day from home I suspect I'd spend the day asleep or pottering.

The alternative is to go to bed when the children do - at about 9 ish, but then I've had no evening and feel like I'm on a treadmill.

I spend the weekend sleeping, cooking, tidying and doing minimal cleaning (DH does more as he is less of a slut than me). I have an existence, not a life, and this needs to change. But how?

DO you work FT? Can you reduce your hours?

Yes, FT. Have always worked FT. Reducing hours not an option, am breadwinner.

Why do you not have a lunch hour - I thought if you worked over a certain number of hours per day (5 or 6??) you had to take one? If it is just because of habit, or what is expected, you need to start putting your foot down and taking one. It does no-one any good to work all day without a break, and you could use it to go to the gym or take a walk.

Hmm, tough one. Can you do much on your commute or do you drive? If you use public transport can you order your shopping, buy presents on-line etc?

Any chance of getting any help with the cleaning? As for exercise, can you do stuff with Dcs that will enable you to enjoy time with them but also help you out? Swimming? Walking a dog in the park?

Can you do a batch-cook at the weekend to freeze, then take out meal in the morning to defrost so that you just need to reheat when you get home? This might save you an hour - you could exercise then?

Clutching at straws emoticon ! I empathise!

re exercise - can you run part of your commute? eg office to station? it's not ideal but in effect it takes up no time - takes slightly longer than a bus but always takes the same time, so you can plan it better than buses.

failing that walk some of your route - at least it will give you some fresh air. plus make a resolution to cut the emails at work and periodically leave your desk to talk to people - it is so much more effective anyway, more pleasant, and better for you.

re life - surely you can;t spend all weekend doing housework (esp if you describe yourself as a slob!)
can you and dh negotiate a couple of hours each to yourselves? for exercise or anything. and the obvious q - can you get a cleaner - even a couple of hours makes a huge difference.

and in general - stop being so hard on yourself. "(I) have achieved nothing"!!!! no no no. You have done a good day's work. you have paid some bills. you have tucked your lovely dcs into bed. you have been there for them. I do know what you mean - but please don;t think like that.

How old are your children? Old enough to help out with the tidying up around the house? If old enough, they can do dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, picking up their own stuff and putting it away, which would save you a bit of time. That would give you more time on weekend to do an activity with them that involves exercise of some sort.

Maybe prepare meals in advance or organise them so your DH can get the meals started, so they're almost done when you get home. Or use the slow cooker, so it's cooking during the day while you're gone. That way you have a bit more time in the evening.

Do you drive to work? Park a teeny bit further away and walk. Or don't use lift at work, only use stairs. When you have to walk to another part of building, always take the longest way possible, to get more of a walk in. Take a brief walk during your breaks throughout the day.

Get a treadmill that folds up so you can open it up, walk while watching television, then tuck it away.

Sorry, that's all I can think of.

what about joining a family health and leisure club. That way you could go with your family at the week-end.

Get a laptop for on the train (I think www fot a cheapo tiny one recently) so you can mumsnet, or more practically do things like online grocery shopping, banking.

Is there any way that you can ask for compressed hours - maybe one week in 2 you could work really late a couple of nights and have Friday at home?

Mrs S

If you could only do/change one thing, what would it be?

Time for exercise sounds like a theme...

I think that your hellish commute and lack of lunch hour are serious issue that you need to address. Of course you feel as if you are on a treadmill with that kind of logistics.

You are forfeiting necessary sleep in search of a life but are too tired to enjoy the hours you gain.

Can you purchase services so that you have fewer chores at the weekend?

9 day fortnight?

Get disciplined and work from home. It will make a difference.

Well firstly get a cleaner. I would say that is non-negotiable (unless your dh is a sahd in which case he can do it if he is up to it!)

Cooking - Make double of anything you can freeze and freeze it. Make a list of easy peasy recipes that take 10 mins. Make a vast pot of soup with lots of pulses in at the weekend - it will do for lunch one weekend day and a couple of suppers in the week.

Exercise - If the cleaner has been then maybe more of your weekend could be spent exercising. I don't know how old your kids are but you can you exercise with them at weekends - dh and I and dd often go out dog walking, playing frisbee or football together, swimming together etc at a weekend.
Also build in exercise to your day - walk up the escalators on the tube if you are in London. Get off a stop earlier. Cycle some of the way on a fold up bike etc

how about finding a new better paid job and doing less hours?

I'm pretty like you - I work (very) full time and have 2 small children. Some things which I think help:

1. I think you may need a more variable routine. Can you aim to go to bed early one or two nights a week? I don't think you need a regular early night, just the occasional early night. Make it something to look forward to. My nanny buys trashy mags for us on a Tuesday and I'm very partial to an early night with a rubbishy magazine on a Tuesday (am astonishingly highbrow for the rest of the week!)

1. Similarly, instead of crashing for an hour every night, have just one night doing exercise. I see a personal trainer once a week on a Monday evening after the DCs are in bed, but that is because I have the willpower of a gnat and more cash than determination . But make a pact to do one bit of exercise one night a week.

1. Agree re building some exercise into the daily commute. I have bought a v cheap bike and cycle between station and office. 15 mins each day = half an hours exercise I would not otherwise do.

1. Lower your standards. I have a great job and lovely, happy children, but I do not have a particularly vibrant, varied and exciting personal life. I have had in the past and will in the future, but right now it is a question of gritting your teeth, listening to the reading homework and makin the packed punch.

1. Get a cleaner and be rigorous in the division of necessary domestic jobs with your DH. The plus of being the main bread winner is that there should not be an expectation that you shoulder the lion's share of the domestic stuff as well. MY DH also works full time, but does exactly half of the domestic stuff, whether with the children or with the house.

LOL re "packed punch"...

MrsS, how can you say you're not disciplined? I think you could work from home just fine. as it goes, I wouldn't say I'm very disciplined, but I work from home OK sometimes (OK, I'm on mumsnet now but I'm not doing much work today!)

I don't know the cost of the kind of IT you're talking about, but there are ways of connecting remotely to secure networks without risking leaving documents on the computer, and they cost a lot less than the cost of recruiting an experienced member of staff. even if you can't do that, surely there is some research or what have you you could do sometimes?

but actually, it sounds like you need to have a 4 day week. I do that and it's ace. I earn less, but it is so very worth it I can't tell you. I know you're the breadwinner, but can your dh not work/work more (does he work?). I know I would work more if dh was facing the hours you do. I'm so glad he isn't...

re exercise, why not start getting up at 6.30. then you'll have to run for the train, and get more sleep to boot.

when I say I work from home OK, I mean I work just fine, not just OK. no skiving for me.

slight hijack but I'm looking to do much the same - hanaflower - I want to cook in bulk but cant think of anything other than stew/ragu - is there somewhere yuo can point me?

I don't think exercise is the answer to weight loss/flab.

The more I sleep, the less I eat = the less I weigh.

I learnt a while back that the path to contentedness was lots of rest

You won't like this, but I think you need to work less and/or commute less. anything else is tinkering imo and to get a life you need something fundamental to change.
However, if you don't want that, or it leaves you with choices you don't want to make, then all the other tips are helpful. I presume you already do have a cleaner, if not get one!
What does your dh do - can he do more of the stuff that is cluttering your weekend? more cooking?
I think you need to try to make the weekend a proper rest and family time and clear out other jobs that are preventing that.

ooh you have similar hours to me except I have started going to gym when I get in.

So if you get up at 6am, say get the train at 6.30, that means you are getting to work by 8am (I'm normally in just before then as it's quiet so the trains/buses tend to be on time). That leaves an hour to go to the gym.

I don't go every day but it has really made a difference to the way I feel. I joined a gym practically next door to work so that I'd have no excuse not to go .

But everything else you describe sounds pretty typical of FT working with a long commute. I also read and read and read on the train. And probably twice a week, I am in bed by 9 otherwise, I'd be too knackered to get up. I don't really mumsnet during the week (in the evening) unless I have nothing better to do...I put the kids to bed, cook, watch a bit of telly and then go to bed.

I've just reduced my hours for many of the same reasons as you. I tried lots of things before I reduced my hours, it was very much a last resort. You need to be ready to make that decision yourself and it may not be the right route for you. Everyone is different.

This may sound odd but I think there's a lot to be said for finding something you can do once a week/once a fortnight outside the home AND outside work.

Just something you love and something that's just for you.

It might sound like yet another thing to juggle with - and I suppose it is a little - but it's so worth it for the enjoyment an the stress release and the reaffirmation of the importance of you being a person in your own right.