Dd won't go to the police

[username098765]

My dd who is 18 was seeing a girl for around 6 months. She was vile, made my dd so all sorts of things for her and drove her places, pretty much made her skint each month paying for everything for her. Last night she was at her house and another friend was there. The 2 other girls had been drinking by the time my dd had got there after work. I'm not sure of the details but something happened and these 2 girls beat my dd up, took her phone and car keys so she couldn't leave. They punched her, cut her hair and her clothes and made some horrific threats. My dd came home this morning and told me what happened so I took her to the doctors get checked over but she is adamant she doesn't want to report it to the police. Obviously I think she should but she thinks it will make things worse. I want to throttle the pair of them but obviously that won't help! I just don't know what to do for the best.

That is truly awful, I hope your dd is okay mentally and as well as physically.
I agree that she needs to report this to the police but I understand that right now she’s scared and needs support.
Continue to be there for her, gently talk to her about cutting this person out of her life, block her number and block her on social media.
Look on the women’said website for more info (sorry I’m not good with links so hopefully someone better will come along with a list of websites/books)

Please make sure you’ve taken pictures of your dds injuries.

Tell her if she doesn't go to the police, you will. I understand she may be scared, but they will most likely do this to someone else, and they may not be as lucky as your DD to get away. They need reporting, and if she isn't able to do it, you should.

She's 18. Support her. Document the attack, save text messages, take pics (if she agrees) of any injuries so that she has the evidence if she changes her mind... but don't force her or report without her consent, she's already feeling betrayed and violated, be her safe person/ place 💐

You go to the police.

I don’t intend to scare you OP but I would regard this behaviour as extremely serious and not merely a drunken prank. This bullying behaviour by females has become more common and has ended in the victim being killed. Even if your DD can manage to evade future contact ( which I doubt from previous cases) then you may be saving some other unfortunate’s life.
Report the assault yourself and request the police visit and talk to DD. You can tell her you wanted them to advise her on how to keep herself safe). Hopefully they will get her talking and will persuade her to cooperate. It may well be these young women are already known to the police.
Good luck and do tell us how you get on.

So she's been violated once by her girlfriend and then her mum violates her trust?

This is for your daughter to report. Give her time, patience and understanding then maybe she will decide by herself. It's so important that she feels in control of this situation.

It's not about violating her trust. How do you think the OPs daughter will feel if she doesn't report it and then hears they've done it to someone else? And the outcome for that person is even worse? . Sometimes you have to lay it out in those terms, no matter how unpleasant it is. People like this dont just stop at one person (and before I'm accused of victim blaming I'm not, but it is human nature to feel a sense of guilt when things like this happen).

Take photos of her hair and any cuts and bruises. Write everything down with as much detail as you can. See if your daughter wants to contact Galop - it's an LGBTQ domestic abuse organisation. Take her to the GP for a checkup and as evidence.

I would gently explore how your daughter ended up in such a relationship. She was abused and exploited from the start. Perhaps encourage some counselling, books on boundaries and assertiveness and a conversation about loving relationships and how you should be treated.

In a similar vein I understand what your DD is going through.
She is the victim it has to be her in control right now she will be so confused about it. Going over what happened and what she may perceive she has done wrong. This is completely normal.
Offer solid support and love and make her feel safe but she does need to report this to the police as she is really vulnerable right now. Show her this thread.
Threats are serious and in my experience the start of a very dangerous nightmare.
These girls planned what happened to your daughter before she arrived. They are counting on fear to control your daughter. Tell your daughter to stand strong and take back control by reporting these vile people. Your daughter deserves so much better and these are not partner and friend they are dangerous and will remain so until your daughter involves the police.
The police will support your daughter get her counselling and lock up these vile people.

Can I offer another way get a baseball bat and pay them a visit and kick some arse because I wouldn't let them get away with it and certainly not with threats as well.