Radical changes to life - am I thinking logically?

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

I'm 48 and a solo parent to a beautiful DD who is 9. The decision to be a solo parent wasn't a choice, but I've gone with it and I have a wonderful relationship with my DD.

I live in a commuter town 30 minutes from London in a fairly affluent area. I'm close to family and great friends. I own a 2 bed house and a couple of years ago put an extension on it. I love the house and we live a good life.

BUT, I feel a lot of the time very overwhelmed by the enormous amount of pressure I'm under to provide this lifestyle. I have a fairly good job, it pays well. But I've found out this week that in 18 months time my client won't be renewing its contract with my company. The options are for me to be tuped. But in further investigation, the move to the other company would be rubbish and more than likely end in redundancy. My current job has flexible working so I am fully remote which works perfectly for me.

I have 18 months to find something else. But to be honest I'm sick of the worry of being made redundant especially as I get older. I have never thought about how things work looking for a job at my age.

On top of this my daughter more than likely has ADHD. I've found some fantastic herbal remedies which seem to get rid of her anxiety and help with focus. But this is an additional concern I have to deal with especially when we enter secondary school.

I've always toyed with the idea of selling up and moving to a more rural areas near the sea where it's cheaper and I would essentially be mortgage free. Then all my money would just go on living and I wouldn't have the worry about paying my mortgage. Plus we would have a hopefully a more relaxed lifestyle.

It would mean leaving our friends and family and my parents are elderly.

I'd even consider moving abroad. I have a passport from one of the European countries which means living abroad wouldn't be such a problem for me. I'd love to do this as I'm sick of the English weather and England I general.

But it means starting from scratch, losing my support network and going it completely alone. Maybe this would end up more stressful long term which is something I want to avoid.

Whatever I do I feel I need a change as I'm tired of always feeling like this as it's making me feel miserable.

Any advice?

Hi there. I am also a single mum to one and really hear what you are saying. Would it be an option to move to somewhere cheaper within reach of family/friends e.g. a cheaper area or a flat? Personally I think it could be hard for you to move away from family and friends, and as your DD hits the teenage years she will be doing her own thing more, so you might potentially feel a bit lonely.

I don't think I could live in a flat, it would drive me mad. I'm very much an outdoor person and love my garden. We live outside in the warmer months!

Tbh I love our house, I've made it how I want it 😬 I've worked so hard to create a space which we both feel comfortable in so I'd only feel comfortable finding something similar but in another area which might offer a more relaxed lifestyle.

I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling annoyed with life and just looking for an escape! I'm just fed up and overwhelmed by the responsibility and worry about work.

My life would be easier if I had a DP, but that's an impossibility as my parents are too old to look after my DD for me to go on dates. So I have to just resign myself that I'm going to be single until she's much older.

So I'm well and truly stuck 😛

Start looking for a new job now.

You may surprise yourself.

I'm going to look for a new job, ideally in a better sector. TBH there was a lot about my job I disliked including my manager who is not equipped to be a manager!

So I'm trying to see this as perhaps a positive change.

I just don't want to have to start again, worry about getting through my probationary period. Worry that in the 18 months I won't find something which pays as well and offers flexible working. These are the things going around in my mind.

I've just had an informal chat with my DD to see her feelings on where we live and how she felt about living somewhere else. And it was a firm no 🤣 she loves our house and life.

Normally I'm the positive, go getter type but I feel knackered by life right now.

I think in your shoes a radical life change would be my last resort. My first effort would be to try and find a new role that is also remote. I think generally if you can avoid disruption to a child that is best, and if you are stable with friends and family and a lovely house wouldn't rush to give that up.

Thanks I know this is probably the right decision. I've wanted to move abroad for ages. But I think it would be more stressful in the long run and my DD would struggle with it.

I just wish at times life would be easier x

Are your parents your only option for babysitting? Have you heard of the Sitters agency?