Struggling with homelessness and abusive parent.

[Peaches2566]

In June I had to leave my marital home. Due to financial abuse and my husband of ten years having an affair. His parents owned the home we lived in and I had nowhere to go. My mum kindly took in myself, my 8 year old boy and 13 year old girl.

However tensions are running high. There are 4 of us in a one bed flat. My kids share the bedroom and my mum and I share the living room.

I have been told by the local council I will not be housed unless I go into homeless accommodations. My mum has told me I'm an evil mother of I do this.

Unfortunately my mum has also become very hostile. I'm being called names, I have to ask like a child before I leave the house. She won't let me parent my children and is overfeeding them. I'm constantly being shouted at. I don't even have room to cry. I'm not able to make important phone calls as she's always listening. She also keeps going down my bags and personal belongings.

I just don't know what to do.

I have no family. The only support I have is my new boyfriend, although we knew each other before we have only been together for 4 months. He's offered to provide a home for us all in the next few months but obviously my children are not going to be ready for that, I'm not going to jump into living with someone my kids don't know. (My daughter is also struggling to accept I even have a boyfriend)

I just feel lost. Nasty thoughts are creeping in and I can't see a way out.

I think you need to get out. Can you speak to Shelter and see if they have advice?

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice I just want to say hang in there. I hope some others come along with practical steps regarding the accommodation process.

Please get out, the council will help you. You are in genuine need and this current situation is not helping you at all. I speak from experience - I walked away with the clothes on my back with two kids and a black sack of belongings. I was very fortunate we now live in a very nice house and constantly look back and remind myself how far we have come! Feel free to message me directly, sending love and strength your way. x

I've been to the council and told them I am being abused in my current household. They simply "made a note of it"

Just do what the council say and go into homeless accommodation so that you can be housed.

Why care what your mum says if you're not getting on anyway?

I'm just scared of so much. Scared my kids will hate me.

You need to get them away from your mother.

Unless you are actually homeless they won't house you.

And even when they do, in large parts of the country you'll still only be in a B&B.

Best of luck.

They made a note of it, whether your mother is abusing you or not you've got children living in a 1 bedroom flat as you've fled a domestic abuse situation and need their help. Put the kids in school, turn up and tell them as of right now I am homeless. You will be given temporary accommodation , it might not be great but it's a start! Things can only change if you follow the process. Too many people piss around and the council see this all the time - I was delighted with my little basement flat miles from school. I drove 40 miles round trip a day.. just to get the kids into school. 2 months later I was moved more locally-again delighted with my temporary home. 2.5 months after that I was told we had been allocated our new forever home. Couldn't believe it! And it was weeks before Christmas.. trust the process, always be polite and thankful and good things will come.

Contact Sheltr for help with dealing with your council. You are allowed to provide your own temporary accommodation (with your mum). You're homeless you're in priority need (children plus domestic abuse) they have a dutty to assist.

My friend spent some time in emergency housing. She got through it. Her kids are happy and doing great. There is no hate for their mum. All they saw was a strong women who did was what was needed.

Definitely contact shelter for advice and support. And accept that you may end up in temporary emergency accommodation. It can’t be much worse than your current situation. Don’t let your mum hold you and your kids back, be strong, you can do this!