Husband comparing me to when I was younger

[OlivelovesPopye]

So I'm 65 now, married and going along okay. My husband is continuously showing me pics of on his phone when I was younger, obviously more glam and fit. I never really cared about ageing before, we all do it, but to be honest it's starting to make me feel a bit shit. I know he loves me but I will never be who I was. I am happy in my skin, as they say. Just wanting to know if anyone else feels like an Easter egg to their partner. Outside yummy with nothing on the inside?

[Wishimaywishimight]

Are you married to Benjamin Button? Presumably he is getting younger every day and looks as good as he did at 30?

[ohdamnitjanet]

Then show him pics of when he was young and thought he was gorgeous and ask him how he thinks he compares now.

[SherrieElmer]

You should tell him to stop doing that.
He is probably oblivious of the pain he is causing. Men are like that.
If you tell him and if he loves you, he will stop.

[SeatonCarew]

What does he say when he shows you these pictures? I feel that's a significant detail.

[TeaAndStrumpets]

Are these pics from happy times that he is nostalgic about?

I am 73. I have occasionally complained about looking like an old woman and DH says he doesn't care what I look like, he likes to see ME ....so how I actually look is beside the point.
Also, I was very camera-shy when I was young....ridiculous because from the odd pic I was prettier than I thought at the time! I would be delighted to have some nice pictures of me in my heyday.

[pickledandpuzzled]

Are you sure he doesn’t think he’s pointing out that you’re lovely?
DM thinks she’s complimenting me when she says what a beautiful teenager I was.

[OlivelovesPopye]

@SeatonCarew

What does he say when he shows you these pictures? I feel that's a significant detail.

He tells me what a sexy woman I was.

[Scaffoldingisugly]

Just say ditto. And go clean the loo with his toothbrush.....

[spartanrunnergirl]

I sympathise OP my now ex husband used to do this if he saw any photo of women we knew when they were younger .. he'd say things like 'oh wow x was beautiful when they were young' as if the sum of that person could be reduced to looks. I'd call him out on it obvs.

[Beamur]

I'm in my 50's and don't look exactly the same as I did when I met DH (I haven't changed that much but it's 20+ years!)
On the rare occasion he has been foolish enough to draw attention to this I have pretty firmly pointed out that i'm not the only one who's got older but if he would like me to point out the ways he has changed too I'm happy to oblige. But if we both value our marriage then focusing on such shallow comparisons might be unwise.

[DistinguishedSocialCommentator]

@OlivelovesPopye

He tells me what a sexy woman I was.

Ask him why he is saying that and what he wants to happen

[Scaffoldingisugly]

SeatonCarew why the name?

[anon12345anon]

I despair when I read things like this......

Op- I really feel for you- your husband sounds like an absolute twat, and I may be jumping to conclusions, but it sounds like he just likes putting you down and making you feel shit

Seriously, if I was in your shoes, we'd have had a massive argument about this and I guarantee he wouldn't have pulled this shit again - why are you letting him do this to you??

for you x

[pontipinemum]

I'm unsure. I recently had a FB memory pic come up from around the time I started seeing DH. My legs look fantastic! He did show me and said wow look at your legs in this pics. He doesn't mean 13 years on I have 'bad' legs but in fairness they aren't as good to look at.

[Patrickiscrazy]

@anon12345anon

I despair when I read things like this......

Op- I really feel for you- your husband sounds like an absolute twat, and I may be jumping to conclusions, but it sounds like he just likes putting you down and making you feel shit

Seriously, if I was in your shoes, we'd have had a massive argument about this and I guarantee he wouldn't have pulled this shit again - why are you letting him do this to you??

for you x

Yes.
How pathetic.

[BoringBoris]

@Scaffoldingisugly

SeatonCarew why the name?

It is a place? Maybe they are from there
Used to have a large sewage pumping station that discharged directly into the sea- so the place had some interesting nicknames

[Foxblue]

Er... have you asked him what the point of this hobby of his is?

[coxesorangepippin]

Tell him to go fuck himself

Easter egg!!

[MermaidEyes]

Each time he does it reply you were sexy once too and sigh...

[SabreIsMyFave]

Urgh, my DH did this a few times. I am 50-ish now with young adult children, and when I was about 40-42, he did used to throw comments about like 'your mum was a looker when she was younger' (to the kids.) I said 'so I'm a dog now am I?' I would be like >>> He would just laugh.

Then he would show me photos on his computer of me in my early 20s, and say 'look how sharp your jawline was then!' And 'look how white your teeth were.' And 'look how skinny you were, and how young you look!'

I said, 'so basically you're saying I am now old and fat, with a double chin, and shitty fucking teeth?!'

He said 'no of course not, I'm just saying!' I said 'well kindly do NOT.'

Then one time when I was about 43, he got a new photo of me (I was size 16 at the time with a 36" waist,) and he photoshopped me to make my waist 6" thinner, and slimmed down my arms and thighs!!! He said 'look what I've done! You can send this photo to your penpals now!'

I was fucking raging. I said 'why the fuck would I do THAT? I don't look like that. And WHY are you photoshopping me to slim me down?' Shall I photoshop you to make your hair darker (it was 50% grey then,) and give you big muscles, and a massive cock, and make you 8 inches taller? How fucking dare you? STOP this shit. Changing how I look and comparing me to how I looked 18-20 years ago, before I had kids. What the hell is wrong with you?!'

Suffice to say, he never did it again.

[Scaffoldingisugly]

Maybe comment you remember his dick being bigger back then.

[fridgegrazer]

I would want to ask him why. Why do you keep showing me photos of my younger self and saying how beautiful I WAS? How do you think that makes me feel? Do you want me to feel like that, and if so, why? If he knows it makes you feel like shit and he still continues, then it's obvious he doesn't care how you feel.

My ex once drew a picture of me on the wipe-clean whiteboard we had in the kitchen for shopping lists. Allegedly it was for the amusement of our two sons who would have been about 10-12 at the time. It was a nude picture of a really fat woman - he had even labelled bits of her with "wobble" and "blubber". It was obviously me because I have quite distinctive hair. This must now be about 25-30 years ago and I have NEVER forgotten how it made me feel.

I didn't realise it was there for quite some time, so I don't know what the boys thought - they never mentioned it to me and I didn't see them laughing or anything. I cleaned it off as soon as I saw it and asked him why - just a joke apparently.

I still didn't leave him for a few years after that, but I do think that might have been my last straw and I never felt the same about him after that. There were other problems too of course, but this one incident just showed me the contempt he really felt, and how he felt so superior to me because he was thinner. Just a joke - yeah right.