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Original poster

Kids party - who to invite..

29 replies

boonr · 19/03/2024 07:14

This is really not an important one but want advice.

I have 2 girls, aged 6&3. 3 year old is having a party soon. It will be mainly full of 3/4 year old girls. 2 little boys invited, and one of the boys has an older brother (7) who will be coming along.

We have 2 friends who have children the same age as my eldest. 1 is a lovely, sweet girl. The other is a boy who can be quite boisterous, he can be well behaved but he can also kick up a stink when he doesn't get his own way & his Mum doesn't discipline him in front of others (I think to stop him kicking off even more). Our friends of the girl are asking if we are inviting this boy.

My youngest wouldn't want him there. I've also got visions of these little 3 year olds flying through the air with him bouncing next to them. I'm also worried the parents will be offended if I don't invite him since there will also be the 7 year old boy going (who he sort of knows).

Am I being cruel if I don't invite him?

OP posts:
eish · 19/03/2024 07:16

Let me get this straight he doesn’t have a younger sibling at the party but still wants an invite? No way.

JPGR · 19/03/2024 07:17

How old is he and is his sister invited?

MumChp · 19/03/2024 07:17

If you want to maintain the relationship with the family you should invite him I think.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 19/03/2024 07:19

The first 7yo boy is attending as sibling of a 3yo. So it's fine to invite him and not the other

hulahoopqueen · 19/03/2024 07:24

I think you should be ok as long as you don't invite either child from the badly behaved boy's family. Unfair to the girl but it means you don't have a hellraiser running around and potentially upsetting the 3year olds.

Original poster
boonr · 19/03/2024 07:31

So the boy doesn't have any siblings, so it would just be him coming along.

I don't think the Mum would be offended at all, but the Dad probably would because he's close with my partner and the other friend :/.

OP posts:
MotherOfCrocodiles · 19/03/2024 07:33

7yo doesn't need to come to a party full of toddlers though. Any questions you say that you thought it would be way too young for him. The other older kids are there for childcare reasons

MaggieFS · 19/03/2024 07:33

So to try and understand, you have invited

  • many 3/4 year old girls
  • two 3/4 year old boys
  • a 3/4 year old girl and her older brother

Under discussion -

  • friends with an older girl who are asking the question
  • friends with the older boy whose behaviour may be challenging

I'm assuming your older child is a boy? It's quite normal for an older sibling to be allowed one friend, in which case that's already done with the one invited?

I don't understand what business it is or the family with the older girl? Perhaps the older girl is wary of the boy and doesn't want him there?

It's not cruel not to invite him, it's a 3/4 year olds party, but if you are all friends as families and you're inviting the older girl, then it's potentially awkward.

Ideally you probably shouldn't have invited the girl either and just stuck to one friend for your older child. Sounds like that ship has sailed though?

JPGR · 19/03/2024 07:34

Bit difficult if you are inviting the other friend’s daughter though.

MaggieFS · 19/03/2024 07:35

Ok, ignore my long post. He doesn't have a 3/4 year old sibling? Then of course he doesn't have to be invited.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/03/2024 07:40

Why would he be invited to a toddler party? 🤨 I would only invite toddlers to the party and possibly any siblings who would have no one to look after them otherwise.

Just tell the dad to get a grip that it was a toddler party and you want to arrange a trip to the soft play for all of the kids instead (two friends’ children and your two children) to celebrate but this is just a toddler party this time!

Original poster
boonr · 19/03/2024 07:41

My eldest is a girl as well.

We see them fairly regularly so I feel like I'm going to have to say we're having a party at some point, but then it will sound as if we might be inviting him.

If I don't mention it at all, it looks like I'm trying to avoid for a reason?

Arg so awkward. I just don't want to invite him.

OP posts:
shepherdsangeldelight · 19/03/2024 07:41

I think you need to invite
-just the 3/4 year olds
-the 3/4 year olds and any siblings
-the 3/4 year olds and a friend for your oldest (of their choice)
-all the children

any of these are fine and reasonable; it will be mixing and matching groups that's the issue

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/03/2024 07:42

Definitely invite one friend for your eldest but let her choose who. She’ll likely choose her best friend from school.

Original poster
boonr · 19/03/2024 07:45

Sorry, forgot to say. My eldest has picked 2 friends to come along.

I think the problem is that we've always been at each others parties because the kids were the same age, but it's different when it's 3/4 year olds isn't it!

OP posts:
Bankholidayhelp · 19/03/2024 07:45

Just say it's a toddler party. No need to detail all the individual children's ages. Which 6-7 year old wants to go to a toddler party anyway? It would only be because of parents wanting to get rid for a couple of hours.

rainbowstardrops · 19/03/2024 07:48

It's a toddler's party, so I wouldn't invite either friend's children, especially as your eldest has already chosen two friends.

Suggest a soft play with your two, the 'nice' girl and the potentially boisterous boy instead and sell it that it's more suited to them.

Original poster
boonr · 19/03/2024 07:51

@rainbowstardrops good idea. I'll just say we can all meet up the weekend after and do something fun.

My youngest absolutely loves the other friends Daughter, so she will be coming and those parents would be even more offended if she wasn't there 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
boonr · 19/03/2024 07:51

I think I'm caring about everyone else's feelings too much. At the end of the day, she doesn't want him there and it's going to be a party full of unicorn plates and cups!

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 19/03/2024 08:39

Yes, you are overthinking it (I'm prone to do the same!). Don't be awkward about it. You don't have to proactively mention it, but if it comes up in conversation, then just be factual and don't add e.g. an apology for not inviting the boy.

JPGR · 19/03/2024 08:59

Just say your elder daughter was allowed to only invite two friends and it was her choice. ‘This time she chose X and Y’.

Illpickthatup · 19/03/2024 09:07

Maybe his parents will think twice about not disciplining him when he stops being invited to things.

It's your child's party so I think you should respect their wishes and if you know they wouldn't want this boy there don't invite him. If the dad kicks up a fuss just say DD picked the invite list.

Pipecleanerrevival · 19/03/2024 09:13

You don’t have to ask him and it doesn’t have to be awkward or a secret. We’re having/we had a party for 3 year old on Saturday. She is/was so excited. What are you doing for Easter?

HanSB · 19/03/2024 09:22

If it comes up with the boy's family you simply say you thought he wouldn't be interested in a toddler's party. As for the other older girl, if it gets mentioned then she was over for a playdate with your eldest daughter at the same time.

Isthisexpected · 19/03/2024 09:25

boonr · 19/03/2024 07:31

So the boy doesn't have any siblings, so it would just be him coming along.

I don't think the Mum would be offended at all, but the Dad probably would because he's close with my partner and the other friend :/.

But it's not the Dad's party or your husband's party? Don't invite him. He isn't the older sibling of an invited three year old.