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Original poster

Any family law experts? Can anyone tell me about seeking an injunction?

28 replies

ElectraBunny · 26/03/2008 11:19

For violent / unreasonable behaviour?

I am terrified here but at the moment am having to stay to protect my children. My husband is behaving more and more unreasonably in his quest to "win" whatever battle he has decided he's fighting.

Please help, I feel desperate

OP posts:
Original poster
ElectraBunny · 26/03/2008 11:32

bump

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Original poster
ElectraBunny · 26/03/2008 11:45

ok was it something I said?

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dustystar · 26/03/2008 11:47

I have no idea EB sorry. Have you asked the CAB?

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 26/03/2008 11:51

I'm waiting to hear from my lawyer. I'm sorry, it's just that I feel so alone and frightened and my husband now seems to have lost his mind.

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controlfreakyagain · 26/03/2008 11:55

if he has been violent / unreasonable you can seek an injunction to forbid him from using violence / harassing you etc. under family law act 1996 (a non molestation injunction) and if appropriate an "ouster injunction" under same act to remove him from the property. whether court would grant orders would depend on the facts. you could apply in person to county court. you would need to issue an application and provide a sworn statement in support.... but you would be well advised to seek legal advice from a specialist family solicitor (ask cab / look in yellow pages). you may qualify fro free advice depending on circs.

if he has been violent to you this is almost certainly a criminal offence and you can make complaint to the police. thier actions will probably depend on seriousness of offence / age of offence (as to whether they arrest him / seek to remand him in custody).

if you / the children are in current danger have you contact women's aid. they help women suffering dv and have refuges you can go to to escape. to protect the children you need to resolve this. you are doing the right thing seeking help.

hth. good luck.

controlfreakyagain · 26/03/2008 11:56

if you are really terrified right here right now you should phone 999

controlfreakyagain · 26/03/2008 12:42

please let us know what you decide to do and that you're ok?

controlfreakyagain · 26/03/2008 20:50

bump. are you ok?

Alambil · 27/03/2008 00:32

0808 2000 247 - Women's Aid; they know everything.

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 27/03/2008 16:11

Sorry guys I haven't been on here - thanks for caring. Thanks for your advice, especially cf - that is really helpful. My lawyer has written him a letter. It's all a bit ugly atm

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controlfreakyagain · 27/03/2008 17:08

v glad to hear you are ok (ish).
let us know how you get on.
you must decide what you want to happen for your sake and the dcs. living / growing up with domestic violence is no way to live. no one deserves to be treated abusively and you dont have to put up with it.do you want to stay married to this man? have things always been like this? how old are dc's?
pleased to hear you have a lawyer!
good luck.

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 28/03/2008 00:32

Hello. Well it's a very long story. Our marriage began to break down in June 2006 when, for no reason he stopped trusting me. From there on his behaviour became ever more controlling and he subjected me to psychological, and at times physical abuse. Last year I ended up having a psychotic breakdown, in part as a result of this. For a couple of months I was so ill that I had to live with my parents because he usually made me worse (there was a time when I was very ill when I thought that a devil was inside me because I just couldn't recognise myself and I when I told him this he said "good, that makes me feel better about myself"!)

Now I am much better, mentally - only because I had a place to recover in away from him. We are separated but I still live here some of the time to look after the children. Lately we found out that he has been having women here that he is not in a relationship with. This is confusing our children and I have asked him to keep that away from them and said I would always stay here with them if he wanted to go out. However, he said no just because he has to go against anything that is my suggestion!

The background for the story was that he decided the other day to throw my mum out of the house by force for no other reason than he doesn't want her here. She has black bruises where he man handled her. He has also been trying to bar me from rooms in the house.

My solicitor says he has no right to do this and she has written to him as I said.

We are definitely getting divorced and I want residence of the children (he has said he won't contest this)

The problem with him, I have learned is that he has to get his own way / win / not back down at ANY cost - even at the cost of our children, sadly. And that is why I stopped loving him in the first place.

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madamez · 28/03/2008 00:41

He is mentally ill. THis is not your fault and you cannot fix him. He will either get professional help or he'll end up in a locked ward or dead. You need to protect yourself and your children, which means cutting off contact with him apart from allowing him supervised (and only supervised) contact with the DC. The children cannot be left with someone whose mental health problems make him violent. Call WOmen's Aid who are the experts on this type of thing. Good luck, it will all be better when neither you or your children have to live with him.

paperchain · 28/03/2008 00:46

{{{{bunny}}}}

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 28/03/2008 00:46

I agree madamez - thank you for your advice. I do think he is ill but he is extremely arrogant and self-righteous and he will not admit that he is ill. I have been mentally ill too, and I'm supposedly bipolar, but I admit my problems to myself and do whatever I can to remain stable to look after my children and put them first. He seems to have lost sight of everything.

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Original poster
ElectraBunny · 28/03/2008 00:47

Thanks paperchain - as you can see my problems are many and convoluted!

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paperchain · 28/03/2008 00:48

more {{{{bunny}}}}

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 28/03/2008 00:49

I hope you feel better soon too paperchain. I know how awful depression is xx

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controlfreakyagain · 28/03/2008 10:21

you poor poor thing. you've nbeen through a lot havent you?
i think you must prioritise your own and the chidren's safety and your health. presumably you've discussed with the solicitor all the options... what are the timescales for the divorce?
i'm not sure from your posts where the children are living at the moment.... are they mainly with him or you or dividing their time between you? please decide what you think is best for them at the moment and talk to your solicitor about achieving that.
has your mother reported him to the police? or would that make a bad situation worse?

madamez · 28/03/2008 21:19

Electrabunny: you are seeking help for your mental health issues, which makes you a much better parent than someone who is not seeking help for unpredictable, violent, selfish behaviour. I appreciate that you probably need some expert support (do you have a care worker or counsellor?) but franklly, your DH has to go right to the back of the priority queue. He's an adult and it isn't up to you to take responsibility for him if he won;t take responsibility for himself. If he is violent, your DC should not be living with him at all.

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 29/03/2008 22:48

Well, the police were called twice last week, once because he man handled my mum out of the house, and again because he came home from work on Wednesday and announced that his parents would arrive shortly and that if they laid into me he would do nothing to defend me.

So because I didn't want there to be a stand off in front of the children I had to get out quickly. My mum called the police because she felt that this was deliberate intimidation and we have a crime reference number.

I am struggling to understand what is going on. i think he really hates me and I can feel it but I wanted the break up to be easier. I'm also struggling to reconcile his current behaviour with the man that I married and father of my children

The children are going to come and live with me at my parents house but we have to get them a room ready first, although I admit that I don't feel safe here.

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Original poster
ElectraBunny · 29/03/2008 22:48

Thanks for all your support btw xx

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edam · 29/03/2008 22:51

so sorry you are being treated like this, electra. No wise words to add to the excellent advice here but couldn't see your post and not offer some support.

Original poster
ElectraBunny · 29/03/2008 23:46

Thanks edam xx

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controlfreakyagain · 30/03/2008 22:26

please sort things out asap electra. the current situation sounds awful for you and for them..... they dont need a fancy room. they need to be safe.