Someone from my VERY distant past suddenly woke up from the dead two years ago and

[chocchild]

started to stalk me and tried to worm his way back into my life. He eventually became violent and abusive, constantly phoning my home and even harassing my mum, husband and kids. To cut a long story short, he is now in prison. It is clear that he is not the full ticket (from years of very heavy alcohol and drug abuse)and he is dangerous. He is on remand at the moment as is due to be sentenced soon. He has been told that a custodial sentence is inevitable. He has an obsession with cleanliness and perceives everyone and everything around him to be dirty and I have been told he is going mad in prison.

He has two children from his estranged wife and she has stopped him seeing them because of his violence. Not his violence to her - she was too scared to do anything about that but now that I have taken things this far she has stopped him having contact with them on account of his violence towards me and the fact that he is in prison for a violent crime.

Obviously, he is going to come out one day and I know that he is going to try to get his own back on me. He won't see his behaviour as respobsible for him not seeing his children but mine. I know that he is capable of killing me and will want to and I am quite frightened of the future. I have an indefinite restraining order against him but "men" like him don't care about the law or authority.

Has anyone been in the same situation? PIFFLE, I know you have and I'm hoping that you are around. I would appreciate any advice or help to keep me sane. Sorry it was long.

Blimey! I didn't have it that bad, but I have had a stalker in the past and honestly you never quite feel safe again do you?

How long is he likely to be jailed for and is he getting a psych assessment? If he is going mad in prison that's surely good because maybe he can get some treatment (and drugs) to calm his psychotic behaviour?

I'm sure someone will be along with better advice soon but I didn't want you to float around unanswered

Thank you whomovedmychocolate. I have been told that it will be about 2 years but we can't be sure. That will be halved and the remand time will be taken off which was 6 months so it won't be for long. I think they wanted to assess him for psychological problems but they can only do this with his consent and I can't see him being forthcoming in this regard. If he is found to be dangerous (officially), then I think they will keep him somewhere secure until they think he is no longer dangerous but the police don't really tell me anything so I won't know for sure until the sentencing.

Bump

chocchild this is a terrible situation. Have you spoken to the police?
What does your husband say about this?

ps may I suggest you repost this in the relationships section if you do not get many responses?

Chocchild - the police and prisons have strategies to try and manage people when they come out of prison for these sorts of crimes. I'd advise you to contact the police who should have a Dangerous Persons Management Unit. Ask to speak to someone from this unit who will be able to help you.
Hope that helps.

Yes, the police have been involved. He is in prison. My husband has not lost his cool at all because the police have been exceptionally amazing. We really can't fault them. We have a restraining order so he is not allowed near any of us EVER. YOu are right horsish I should have posted under Relationships. Turkey, I didn't know about the dangerous persons unit - perhaps the officer in the case can reassure me in that regard. Thank you for posting

how many times has he been charged in the past? Has he been convicted before this time?
you have to keep on at the liaison folks for them to keep you in the loop.
My stalker/rapist/assaulter has never contacted me since his release. The police tell me where he is living. I know he has just moved from northants to bucks for instance which is further away from me. I feel safer with dp and our life.
I moved a long way from where offences took place.
am unable to talk more now due to sick kids PLs do cat me if you need more talk talk
xx

He has been charged with common assault twice, abh once and with harassment more times than I can remember. After lots of lying, he eventually pleaded guilty to everything he did to me because there was so much evidence and proof of stuff he has done to me that he had no choice. He fell out with his barrister because he didn't want to plead guilty. He has also stalked and harassed two other women in the past who reported it to the police and he has convictions for one of these. Goodness knows whether there were others that kept quiet. We are really worried for when he comes out. My husband is frightened for my safety. We have fitted CCTV cameras around our house and are seriously thinking of moving abroad (we can think of lots of pros aside from getting away from this low life). It's just the worry of an uncertain future and the revenge he might take.

I'm going to move this to the Relationships section because that's more appropriate.

his initials are not ds are they choc?

Hope this is not patronising, but have you been in contact with WomensAid or similar in your area?

His roots are in Essex Piffle and his surname is S. Oregon - no it's not patronising at all. I am in a secure environment with a loving husband and grown up kids. I have friends around me and feel safe and secure within my environment while he is inside. I haven't been in touch with WomensAid because I didn't think I was a candidate for them. I would not need a refuge. Do you think they will be able to help me with other aspects?

Piffle, I think many of them have very similar personality traits. Every personality disorder I have read about describes him to a T.

They may be able to help anyway. I would give them a try.

Also, several years ago I read a somewhat cheesy but very useful book called The Gift of Fear -- no idea who it is by, but it's all about how to avoid/deal with stalking behaviour.

I hope you can get this person out of your life for good.

Thank you Oregon, I will try and get that book from the library.