Yes - long story short was in court proceedings with ex for child arrangements and financial matters. Although my relationship with my mum has never been genuinely close, I did rely on her through some of that process for practical reasons as well as just feeling very besieged by the whole process (the relationship with the ex was abusive towards myself and the children). But eventually the cracks began to resurface - she would provoke situations when she came around, scream at me, sometimes in front of the children, also threatened to go to my ex and tell him everything (whatever that meant - but I found out she had already been doing that anyway), criticise me and the children etc. So I began to distance myself, which she didn't accept, so it got to the point where I had to be more direct and say that because of her behaviour we all needed some space to be able to focus on our own wellbeing, without necessarily imposing a fixed time limit on how long that would be. She didn't accept that either and I suppose she feels this is her next step.
The kids don't have any contact with Dad (he withdrew from Child Act proceedings and the judge made any contact be on the kids' terms, and they don't want contact). Same with my mum - she's been very upsetting to them and they don't want anything to do with her, especially as they believe (as do I) she would be passing on everything to him, which they don't want.
I've taken years to process and recognise the unhealthy relationship patterns I've been living with, and I'm not sure what to do - this is my mother upping the ante in colluding with my ex and trying to coerce myself and the children to have a relationship.
If I attend a MIAM does that mean I potentially have to do mediation? I want nothing to do with my mother - I know as a society we are programmed to believe we should keep relations with family. But not all family relationships are healthy and now I see how dysfunctional my family was and how it was inevitable I ended up in that marriage I can't unsee it. For me mediation is about overcoming difficulties to come to an amicable solution - but I don't want to repair relations with my mother, and nor do I believe it is healthy to force the children to have a relationship with her for many reasons, especially because they don't want one anyway. So if I understand correctly, I could either refuse the MIAM, which means she can go to court with a certificate and the judge might impose mediation anyway, OR I could do the MIAM and explain the situation, and I would hope they would agree mediation is unsuitable, but what does that mean? Or is there a risk they would say mediation is appropriate and then I'm forced to go down that route?