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Mother makes me confused & angry

6 replies

Clh91 · 01/01/2024 13:51

Sorry if this is in the wrong place & I apologise in advance I don’t know all the mums net jargon but I need to vent badly & in need of advice so here goes..

I’m fed up my mother wants us to be close she rings up to 3 times a day mainly to go on about work or it will be to ask me to do something for her it’s got to the point I’m putting my phone on flight mode just to have a me day because she triggers negative angry emotions in me.

Growing up I felt very alone & isolated she loved arguments & drama constantly being either nasty or being overly emotional crying all the time she used me as a weapon against my dad whenever they would fall out she would take it out on me then ban him from seeing me until it suited her. She belittled & mocked me constantly growing up criticising my weight & appearance she still makes unwanted comments regarding my weight now despite her being overweight herself. As an adult she is very much the same constantly negative & always a drama only ever wants to talk about work never listens to a word anyone else has to say I avoid her as much as I can I’ve tried speaking to her & suggesting we see a councillor together but she won’t go.
It’s getting to a point I feel like cutting her out I just can’t keep pretending to care when I really dislike the woman she just brings me down worst thing is she is gradually loosing her independence which worrying as I know she will expect us to move in with her which isn’t an option we just can’t live together the last time I done that she made my daughter & I homeless because she was having an off day.

OP posts:
rickyrickygrimes · 03/01/2024 11:42

Sounds very hard work.

Other than phone calls, what level of interaction do you have with her? do you live with her / very close by? Do you rely on her for childcare? Are you financially reliant on her in any way?

Is your dad still around? Do you have any siblings?

Clh91 · 03/01/2024 15:38

No I see her a few times a week take her food shopping etc try to do family things but don’t enjoy them as we do not get on & no she often asks to see my daughter more so on the few occasions I have let her have a sleepover she has just complained after where she has said my daughter wearers her out.

Nope no siblings & yes my dad is he lives with her now they got back together but even that she is coy about just saying he rents her spare room when clearly they are a couple.

OP posts:
Freshair1 · 03/01/2024 15:39

Jesus. No more shopping visits. You're not obligated to do anything!

Clh91 · 03/01/2024 15:47

Its so difficult because I know they rely on me as neither of them drive my dad now had dementia too which is heartbreaking to see growing up he was my rock which is why I can’t really cut her out because it would distress my dad. I have just really been feeling under pressure lately she’s been very critical of me always has something negative to say she is also a diabetic & at first risk of loosing her sight after years of self neglect I know I sound selfish & nasty but the thought of having to care for her & see her even more fills me with dread.

My poor dad who has dementia she constantly is complaining about that is isn’t doing enough when he is very limited she is always bringing up how she just lets him stay there as it is her house never mind they bought it together & for years he helped her pay the mortgage.

OP posts:
rickyrickygrimes · 03/01/2024 18:00

Has your dad been diagnosed with dementia? Is he receiving any treatment and / or carers? What stage is his dementia at?

Does your mum own the house? did they get divorced when they split previously?

i think it must be very hard for you to take a step back, being an only child and living so close. Buy you do have agency here. Your dad has made his choices over the years, you can too.

Debs2024 · 20/07/2024 10:56

Omg it sounds like me talking . Please don’t spoil your life because of a sense of duty. The burden of care should not be on you just because you are the only family member available. It is sad about Dad but he would not want this for you either. It is up to your mother to arrange her own care etc and Dads, order from a supermarket and get meals delivered.
It is not unusual to dislike the woman your Mother is I didn’t like mine either and my childhood was not great. If you have to ,help her to help herself then stand well back Live your life in peace

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