I hate breastfeeding and want to stop

[Da44yDuck]

I hate breastfeeding! I'm so tired of it and I just want my body back to myself without feeling clawed at. My little boy is 2.5y now and I've breastfed since birth. Before that, I fed my daughter for almost 2y and we stopped mutually as I became pregnant and neither of us wanted to continue. I guess that was my hormones or whatever.

I just feel so tired of it now, I've done it for so long and I'm just tired. I'm fully aware of the health benefits to me and my kids, but I think 2.5y is time for me now. The problem is that my son isn't ready and I don't know if he ever will be?? We breastfeed around 3 times during the night, I think some is for comfort. We don't really breastfeed in the day, although he does occasionally for it. It's only if he's sick or really upset that I will feed him in the day.

I just feel so grossed out now by him touching me, I feel like I just want my breasts back. It's such a conflicting feeling. When he feeds, he pokes and prods me with his hands although I tell him not to. I can feel every suckle and it just makes me very uncomfortable.

Let me be clear, I've loved being able to feed both my kids, especially after having both by c sections and struggling to get started. I'm particularly thankful that I could feed my son as I had severe post natal depression and some suffered with awful delusions (unrelated to feeding) about him and bonding issues. I sometimes wonder if these issues are reappearing and that's why I don't what him to feed? But I know that's stupid because I'm well and 'cured' now. I'm just so tired and I don't know how to stop. Nothing online has given me help and I don't know what to do now.

I love my son (and my daughter), we have a lovely healthy happy attachment. But I just need to stop the feeding.

Be kind to yourself, you've done really well. 2.5y is a good time to wean, that's when I weaned my dd.

The way I did it was by talking to her lots and also showing some reluctance to feed. I did lots of bedtime reading and cuddles instead. I cut short each feed. My dd understood very quickly and it was fine. We weaned gradually though to prevent engorgement: once per evening then a few times a week before stopping entirely.

Good luck and try to relax about it. Every mammal in the world gets weaned, puppies, squirrels, all of them! Your son will be fine!

By talking to her lots, for example when my dd would ask for a feed, I'd say "I'd rather not, it's uncomfortable for mummy, can I read to you instead" but I still gave her a short feed if she insisted. She understood very quickly and it only took a couple of weeks to stop once I started feeling the aversion you're feeling

I have no idea how you managed for so long. Stop. For your own mental health. This sounds tourturous. Speak to them. Say they are drinking oat or cow milk now or whatever but you can cuddle them.

And thats ok. You dont need excuses. You don’t need to explain yourself. It is fine. Really!

I agree. Sometimes I think the pressure gets so much that women feel they need an excuse to stop. They don't. Just having had enough is enough to stop.

I was an extended breast feeder. I know all too well that feeling of just being done.

he is old enough that if you need to be done tomorrow, you can make it that abrupt. However, it will probably be easier if you can start setting limits instead .

pick your least favorite session and tell him that one is stopping. Be ready with plenty of cuddles and if necessary an alternative drink or snack. If it is a nighttime session, I would try to replace with water as it is better for teeth.

2.5 is amazing, just stop. I think WHO recommends until 2 so you have already gone above and beyond.

I was going to say “Stop then, prioritise your mental health”, thinking baby would be about 3 months old.

Same advise still applies! Just stop. I would not tolerate being woken up 3 times in the night by my 2.5yo. Go cold turkey, get your husband to do night wakings for a week or two and offer cows milk or water while your toddler adjusts.

Stop then

2.5 is more than long enough

You can absolutely stop if you don't want to do it. I went cold Turkey with my son at 17 months because I was over it. I felt very guilty but it was what was best for me. I had to go away for a few days to attend an out of town funeral so that made it easier.

If it's all in the night, you'll just need to work out how best to resettle him. Are you cosleeping or is he in his own bed/room? I think with it all being at night I'd go cold Turkey and express for comfort as needed. I'd get daddy to resettle at night or use a dummy if he takes one. Or both.

I really recommend reading books with them about stopping and then stopping. He's old enough to understand

You've done great and now wish to stop. So just stop.
Get your son used to being consoled at night by his Dad bearing a sip of water.
Take turns putting him to bed with a small cup of warm milk.
I would give one feed every morning at wake up for a few weeks or until he has settled into not seeing or hearing you in the night.. Organise a prompt breakfast.
Spend some tactile and emotional connection one to one time with DS every couple of hours during the day.

So you’ve bf for almost 5 years-that’s amazing!

it’s your permission you need to stop, but you have my permission!

You’ll have a few tough nights, but it’s time to take your body back from your children

The WHO says two years (fwiw I didn't do that either - both of my children stopped being interested at 12 months so we stopped then). Nothing wrong with feeding longer than two years if you want to, but you don't. So stop. You've done really well. As others have said there's books you could read with him if you think that would help.

Myself, I'd probably go for the direct approach, something like, "Mummies make milk for little children. You're getting big now so you won't need Mummy's milk. But I still love you lots and we'll do lots of fun things together now you're big."

If he asks for a feed, I'd offer a cuddle and maybe to read a book with him or something else where you can be cuddled up together while you do it.

I really really will never get why so long but hey our 3 till they were 10and12months and that was it lol

You breastfeed for as long as it's working for you and your child. It's not working for you now, it's time to stop. It will be harmful to you to continue.

I am 2 days in to gradually stopping feeding my 2yr old, not quite as strong an aversion as you but I just felt done. Similar pattern as we were mainly feeding to sleep at night then 2-3 times through the night to resettle and hardly at all through the day. We read a couple of weaning books and I've stopped any overnight feeds, just doing the initial feed to sleep- I have been amazed how easy it's been so far: first night he asked & cried for maybe a few minutes each time, last night he didn't even ask! Will do this for maybe a week or two then drop the last feed, but honestly I was dreading it thinking we'd be up all night with him very upset and it's just really been fine so far. Hope it goes as smoothly for you- totally agree that if it's not working for both of you it's time to stop, you've done an amazing job x

Thank you all for your help and advice. I just wanted to add that I didn't always feel this way, I loved feeding both my kids. It's just recently with my son that I cannot bear it anymore. But he is definitely not ready to stop. Also, there's just me at home and we co-sleep so he always has milk within reach. I offer him water too.