Strange question for non - family history interested people

[ElvinaFrizzell]

My major hobby is family history (can just imagine everyone's eyes glazing over right about now ). I'm posting this here rather than on my family history discussion board because I think I spend so much time 'with' my ancestors I lose perspective.

My gran died in 2000 but her sister is still alive and well at 82. I have just discovered that they had another sister who only lived a few hours and I am as certain as I can be without asking that they did not know about her. I would like to put this little girl's name in my family tree but would need to tell relatives before doing so. I am also hoping I can find where she is buried to pay my respects. Most of my family think my hobby is wierd (or probably just me)so I am not sure how my mum will react to this. As a tiny child I spent a fair amount of time in the cemetery with my gran. My gran was widowed young, a couple of months before my birth . I grew up knowing where all the family graves were, maybe this has led to my fascination with dead ancestors. This one is different though, I feel so sad for my poor great grandparents(I did know them as a child so they don't seem that distant to me iyswim). I need to tell my mum first and will leave it up to her whether to say anything to her aunt. I suppose the question I am asking is: am I being over cautious about passing on what I've found as it is so long ago?

no I don't think so, I don't think you can ever be over cautious when considering the feelings of an elderly relative when revealing something as important as this.

tread carefully as you'll be telling her something that her own mother chose not to iyswim?

lovely of you to want to honour the wee lost girl though

Thank you dizzy, that was my gut feeling really. DH is the only one I've told, he thinks the direct approach is best and can't understand why I haven't said anything yet. I know I would want to know if it were my sibling but then these things aren't hushed up so much now thankfully.

of course she may know already and be grateful for the chance to talk about her.

My nan had a sister who died in childhood and a daughter who died in infancy and she didn't talk about either of them until well into her 70s. Now she wants to talk about them all the time and was really grateful when I got hold of a copy of her sister's death certificate so she could learn what actuallu caused her death, which wasn't quite what her distraught parents had told her.

Even if your aunt doesn't know about this sister, it may clear up some mysteries from her own childhood.

Good luck finding the grave. We know the cemetery where my nan's baby was buried but cannot find the plot. So sad to think of her lying alone in an unmarked grave, as if she had no family.

sometimes babies in those times didn't get their own graves she may not have a plot for herself wee soul

by all means tell her but think very carefuly about how you go about it

Gerrard, that is sad . I have a cd with the bulk of the plots of the local cemetery. No sign of her there but she could be in the older part. I think my great gran may well have talked about her daughter. A while ago my mum was talking about my gran. According to her my gran was very tiny when she was born. I asked if she had been premature and my mum said "No, I don't think so, just very small". I now think my great gran could have been talking about the baby she lost, perhaps when she was ill at the end of her life. The death certificate I have says my gran's sister was born at 6.5 months.

elvina-I am also really interested in family history..not weird at all.

I don't think you are being over cautious,this baby that died isn't anything to be shameful about though is it.I know my parents are fascinated about the things I dig up.
My mum's still waiting for some royalty to turn up..fat chance.

My father had an uncle that apparently lived in an alcove in the kitchen and wasn't allowed out when guests came as "there was something wrong with him".He vaguely remembers him dying in the 50's but I have been unable to find any records of him at all...very weird.

there are no photos of this baby either, no mementoes at all. There are photos of the other siblings as very small babies so I assume they got rid them when she died.

I keep meaning to find the death certificate for her as my nan seems worryingly vague about why she died.

it seems the attitude in the 50s was if a child died young or was stillborn you should just try to forget about them as if they weren't really a person yet.

ggirl,

I've spent months researching some things, told my dad only for him to say "oh, yes, I'd forgotten that!".

I've learnt to ask lots of questions and then to ignore the vast majority of answers although there is usually a small grain of truth in most stories. I'm sure I remember being told about a sheep being kept in the alcove in my gran's kitchen .

Update

I told my mum about the baby who was her great aunt. She was quite shocked just to have never known about her. We agreed that my gran almost certainly didn't know about her sister...that is until yesterday. Went to see my great aunt who had her daughters visiting. Mum and I had a quiet word with one of her cousins and she knew about it already! Cousin had sadly lost a baby a few days after birth 30+ years ago and was told about her mum's eldest sister then .

I had taken the birth and death certificates with me so was able to show them to my aunt. She had known about her sister but didn't know any details apart from her being born in the July and dying soon afterwards. I was able to tell her a lot of details including where her parents were living when they first married. We had a lovely chat especially about my gran who I still miss so much.

Through my local family history society I've also found my great aunt's grave reference. She was buried with two other babies/young children in an unmarked grave but there is a map of the references so I am hoping to visit soon.