Invited to barmitzvah - some questions

[iheartdusty]

the invitation is from friends who we socialise with, but only in a group, so I don't know them all that well really. I have never even met their son.

We seem to be invited to the morning service as well as the evening reception. There are many reasons why I am not keen to go to the service.
Would it seem very rude to say we would love to attend in the evening but can't come to the service? Are they completely separate parts of the event? I am assuming it is not quite like a wedding where the couple may be rather put out if they bother to invite you to the service and you say you are only coming to the reception.

Also, as to presents - I have done a few searches and understand that a grown-up present is in order, but as we don't know this lad at all, would vouchers be OK? The parents are pretty laid back people.

I think it's rude not to go to the ceremony, much as it would be not to go to a wedding and just turn up to the party

get the kid something a 13 year old will like

Hmm. I've been to many barmitzvahs and they are very fun!

I'm not Jewish, but Jewish friends told me money is an appropriate gift for a barmitzvah, and I noticed most gifts were in the form of envelopes, so I just gave money every time.

I don't know about your other dilemma, because I always went to both the service and the reception.

why aren't you keen to go to the service? wouldn't it be interesting if you've never been to one before .. I love to go to different religion's ceremonies

I don't have any experience, but I would have assumed the oppoite - that it was the ceremony that was the import part of it all. So would treat as a wedding and go to the whole hink if I possbly can

Not sure on gifts - can the family suggest any ideas?

I found the service very interesting, even though I can't understand Hebrew.

It was cool.

I went to an Orthodox barmitzvah and we ladies were upstairs!

But I didn't mind, I've also been to a Muslim wedding and we had to take off our shoes and go upstairs, too.

Synagogues usually very very relaxed and welcoming, if that's the concern - but maybe it's something else that's bothering you?

am really nosy to know what 'many reasons' are actually

whilst accepting it's none of my business

the service is the actual bar mitzvah, so you should go really..... the party is just the secular bit.

presents : money, vouchers, pen, watch, depends on the budget

are they orthodox or reform?

well, I don't want to offend anyone, but organised religion of any kind makes me grit my teeth. I would do it for a close friend's special day - have been to church weddings and funerals - but feel it is a step too far removed for a friend's son's special day. Or is that the wrong way to look at it?
Also DD and DS would not put up with sitting still for any length of time and would be very annoying.

there was a time when I would have been interested in going as an insight into different ways of living, but these days I am too stressed and short of time to want to.

orthodox or reform - um I dunno, it is a progressive synagogue and they have no visible signs of Jewishness.

It sounds like Reform or Liberal.

TBH it sounds like you would prefer not to go at all? nowt wrong with that.

Hmmm, maybe you should politely decline then? I'm not Jewish (am a Christian), but when we had a Thanksgiving service for DD and DH's family only stayed for the bit about DD and then got up and walked out of the church I was extremely offended - couldn't understand why they couldn't put aside their opinions for 30 mins, for their grand daughter/neice.

anyhoo, I realise you don't even know the kid, so its quite different, but if it were me I would just say no (nicely!). If they are inviting all and sundry, then I'm sure they wont be wounded if you don't go.

it would be quite a relaxed service, but if you feel going would be more of a stress, and you are not close, politely decline

thanks everyone.

I think I will discreetly check that all and sundry have been invited, and if so, decline. If we are among a very few to be invited, I will feel it to be an honour and will find out a bit more about the service and whether DD/DS would last it out before deciding what to do.