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Original poster

Still upset about dd's Xmas party

16 replies

Hayls · 19/12/2004 12:41

Dd is 11 months and has been attending a local parent and child group eery week for a long time. She missed it last week because of a nasty chest infection and a friend told me on Monday that they were having a Christmas party, for which they had paid an extra £1 the previous week. Obviously I hadn't paid it and don't have any contact details for the organiser so we turned up and she said that we could come in any way and help ourselves to food but that dd wouldn't get a present. I was a bit put out by this but thought it owuld be OK as she wouldn't know either way. BUT halfway through the woman turned the Christmas music on and asked us all to gather on the floor round the CD player- she then got a massive bag stuffed with presents out and gave every other kid there a present in turn, which they all opened and started playing with. I was so upset for dd, although I had suspected that was about to happen and hung back a bit just in case. I just can't get it out of my head- dd is still so small she didn't know hwat was going on but I just fill up with tears when I think about it. My dd was the only one there who didn't get a present, even though we go every week and only missed it cos she was ill. The best thing was that there were some presents left over for others who hadn't made it.

Sorry, I know it's a bit of a stupid rant but I keep worrying that dd might have known what was going on and wondered why she was being left out. To be fair, the woman did say that she didn't have the time or resources to chase people up to tell them about it and get the cash but still!

OK, I'm overreacting but moaning on here stops me moaning at poor dh about it

OP posts:

pixiefish · 19/12/2004 12:44

you're not overreacting. surely they have a register so know who goes every week. also am sure they have funds to get every child on the register a pressie and get the money off the parent again

SnowmAngeliz · 19/12/2004 12:48

Oh for Gods sake, surely they could have wrapped up a chocolate bar for your dd.
You are not over-reacting people are SO thoughtless!!
(+i used to run a playgroup and always got one or two extra things just incase an extra kid turned up)

sobernoel · 19/12/2004 12:49

If there were presents left over then I don't see why your dd couldn't have had one. In our group we either buy a gift and wrap it ourselves, or give the organiser cash to cover the cost of her doing it. I can understand her not being able to chase you up outside the group, though. I'm sure your dd will not be concerned by not being given something, it sounds more as though you feel snubbed yourself? Are you feeling a bit 'new mum invisible'? I felt like a total nobody for ages when I'd got my two as babies. It's horrible, but it does pass, honestly.

Original poster

Hayls · 19/12/2004 12:49

YEs, Pixiefish they do have a register. Tbh the place is completely disorganised but dd loves it. a few of her friends have stopped going tho because the floor is always so dirty and they come home caked in dust, dirt and glitter.
She just loves it so much though...

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 19/12/2004 12:49

I don't think you're overreacting. I think that's horrible. Being a veteran of playgroups I'd be horrified if any behaved that way.

First of all, it seems strange to me that they decided to have a Xmas party only one session before the actual party. I imagine you weren't the only one who missed out in that case. Also, if you go every week, they must have had some expectation that you would be there the next week.

Some of these playgroups are run very well by lovely caring people who really want the kids to enjoy themselves. Unfortunately, some aren't but if you feel that it wasn't a deliberate slight by them (not including you in the party), then I would try not to get too upset especially if your dd didn't notice.

I would perhaps have a word in their ear next session about trying to include everyone in the parties and trying to organise them a few sessions before to give everyone a chance to take part.

SantaGoesToTheGym · 19/12/2004 12:50

To quote my 3.5 year old thats ascusting (disgusting)

Find your self another P & C group, come to think of it not very PC at all is it ?

Or, while I think of it, why didn't your friend stump up the quid or make them aware that you were missing, but likely to be back the following week.

Original poster

Hayls · 19/12/2004 12:52

Don't think that's the case, sobernoel, at least not now anyway. I have a lot of good friends nearby that I've met since dd was born and they were there as well. Think I did feel a bit like that when she was younger but not now, I'm genuinely upset for her

OP posts:

sobernoel · 19/12/2004 13:33

Oh, well that's good - it just rang a bell with me, that's all. One toddler group I went to was run by a scary woman whose mother dressed up as Mother Christmas when dd1 was 6m old and frightened the wits out of her! The state I was in back then I'd have sat and cried right there and then if my dd had been left out like that.

Original poster

Hayls · 19/12/2004 13:37

That's exactly how I felt. dh always said i was a drama queen

OP posts:

aloha · 19/12/2004 14:20

Ah, I can understand your being upset, but really, your dd will not have noticed or been upset in the least herself. 11months is, certainly IME, too young for Christmas. I think they were being very, very jobsworth about it, but don't worry about your dd.

OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 19/12/2004 14:59

Agree with Aloha. I think that it was a little unfair, but that your dd would not have known what was going on.

TheHollyAndTheTwiglett · 19/12/2004 15:15

There is NO WAY your baby would have noticed anything .. far too young IME

but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be upset .. I think that was particularly stupid way to run a playgroup party

Original poster

Hayls · 19/12/2004 15:38

Thanks! We're going away for Christmas so we had our own Christmas DAy yesterday as we won't be here on the day so dd got lots of lovely things that were too big to fit in the car and has been having great fun playing with them all ever since. I feel better now that I've spoiled her a bit and yep, you're all right about her not knowing what was going on anyway!

Thanks for the nods of agreement, feel like less of a whinger now..

OP posts:

KristmasBear · 19/12/2004 17:32

The same thing happened to my mum last year - she took my DS to the toddler group for two years and previously my DD for three years and she missed a week as she was ill and turned up the following week and had missed half the party as they had started it earlier and again no present for DS. She was livid and had a word with the organiser who said the same thing - mum wasn't there so she didn't get included in the numbers. My mum said she had been there every week for five years and the organiser could have been a bit more sensible about it! She never went back.

Sod em!

Donbean · 19/12/2004 18:09

Ive stopped going for this very reason. It was Halloween when it happened to us. The kids were all dressed up and the parents had all brought in food. I was ignored (have been for the last 4 weeks of going) by every one and felt so so uncomfortable and like an intruder that i have now stopped going.
Luckily i have found a new toddler group and soft play sessions.
I dont understand why it is SO difficult and such hard work at these things. Do you?

lockets · 19/12/2004 18:26

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