Advice Needed - sorry, it's long. I have been violently attacked several times, harassed, intimidated and stalked

[chocchild]

among so much more (it upsets me too much to go into it all) by someone from my past over a long period of time.

To cut a very long story short, he is on remand in prison for what he did to me and we were awaiting a trial date because he denied everything that he did. This morning, he changed his plea to guilty so thankfully I won't have to re-live everything during a trial. I am pleased. I was advised not to go to the sentencing which will be in a few weeks time incase he perceives me as gloating so I agreed that I wouldn't go.

On reflection, although I do feel intimidated and freightened by him, I will feel safe in a court room. I think that I would like to go, not to gloat but I think it will be like a therapy for me being there when he's sentenced.

He has VERY high anger levels and I would not want to antagonise him.

Do you think I should go to satisfy myself or not go incase he gets irritated? All input will be gratefully appreciated.

It is so lovely to know that there is a network of lovely ladies who are at the other end of their computers with valuable support!

You could go and sit at the back of the public gallery if you need to. Bear in mind his family or friends might also be there. I don't know if they're an issue too. It would be horrible for you to feel further intimidated when you've done nothing wrong. Decide on the day if you feel up to it.

Good luck.

DO you have any idea what the sentence would be? I do understand your need for closure, but if the sentence may only be a couple of years and he's already spent some time in remand (which will be taken off the sentence) then I think you should try to get your closure by knowing he's been put away.

What a complete nightmare for you - I wish I had more constructive advice, but you have lots of sympathy.

I've been there too and did not go. His poisonous family were enough to put me off. Have you asked for permanent non contact order to be wired into any parole/ release agreement. Saves you time and money and ask that you are told when he is released and what area he is bonded to.
mine is out now and I must admit I do worry.

My ex was violant. I have to sit in a court room with him every few weeks as we are fighting over access.

It is traumatic and i hate it.

I wouldn't advise you to go, but if you feel it is something you want to do then go for it.

you will be safe as if he is remand he will be seated behind a glass screen, there will be security and police will be in teh building.

If you choose to go dont go alone. think about arriving to and leaving court, if he has family or friends you may put yoruself at risk of intimidation at these times.

Also when leaving court be carefull you are not followed if stalking has been an issue before.

Good luck. and well done for getting this far, here's hoping for a long sentance.

Gscrym, I was thinking that I'd decide that morning too. Hassled (love the name), he has been on remand for 8 months and the barrister said that he thinks he will get 2 years. If he is right, then that will be halved to one year and then 8 months will be taken off so he will only go in for 4 months. It really has been a total nightmare! and still is.

Piffle, I appreciate your advice. I used to lurk here (that sounds like stalking!! lol)some time ago and remember reading some of your posts so I know you had a hard time. I have a permanent restraining order now and thankfully no kids with him. Mamazon, thank you too - this advise is so valuable because you have been through this experience.

I know that I shouldn't go but I keep thinking that if I don't, the opportunity will be gone and I might regret it. At the same time I don't want to knowingly put myself in an uncomfortable situation.

mine got 3.5 yrs, for ABH breaking a good behaviour bond and attempted rape. ( was actual rape but the system is fucked)
was out in 18 mths and I have knowledge that he is still stalking ex lovers but they are too scared to press charges...

Exactly the same here about the stalking. They must all go to the same abuse academy! Piffle, do you know how they are treated in prison by other inmates being that they assaulted women? If mine gets 3.5 years I will be very pleased but I don't think it will be that long.

He's also had other victims that were too scared to press charges - including his mum .

I pressed charges and went through a trial. He never looked at me once but I had a good long (2 day!) look at him anf know I intimidated him. He got 8 years and served 6+.

But in your case I would follow the advice given and not go. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing him there - for all he knows you are now leading life of riley and don't give a damn.

Good luck and good o n you for pressing charges.

I think my mind's made up and I won't go. I am interested to know how other inmates treat that type of "man".

I would be over the moon if mine got 8 years but I think the maximum he can get is 5 for what he's done and I don't think he'll get that either.

I console myself and knnow that mine was so terrified of jail that he whimpered in court apparently and cried for his mother.
That was quite nice to hear
I like to think evey bad thing that happens is prison happened to him, but then he was so freaky he probably now incorporates it into his lifestyle
I know he is out dogging, the cops told me that, as if to warn me
Yeah cos I'm really going to be out dogging after an experience with a mental unit like that
not that it appealed anyway IYKWIM!!!