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EX step parent

1 reply

Sunshine13452 · 28/10/2023 21:05

So to cut a long story short, my ex had a baby when we got together (bio father not involved). Soon enough I was ‘dad’.

We ended up splitting up when child was 3, I was expected to pay child support which I did for a while.

Anyway fast forward 4 years, I have a fiancé and 2 DC, I stopped paying maintenance when my first child came along as I was unable to afford and was getting in to debt by doing so. Because of this I was unable to see step child from previous relationship.

Eventually contact resumed but over a year later I’m struggling to get things ‘normal’ again. Child refuses to stop over, screams and shouts and becomes EXTREMELY rude at night time when he comes until I do a 2 hour round trip to take him home, nothing we do is good enough.

he often refuses to come, we have put in so much effort into making him comfortable, own room, we make sure we cook food that is his favourite, day trips ect,
We have hosted family parties and made him aware that he would have stop over if he attends as the party would be finishing late. He agreed to this; then started shouting and screaming at me, my partner and child to go home. (Ex always tells him he can stay at home, but refuses to collect him). Day trips are always rushed as he can’t wait to get home ect

I don’t know what more I can do, ex hates me so there is no encouragement from her side, we’ve done day trips, planned 1:1 time when he is here to ensure that he gets attention and is included in everything that we do.

understandably my partner too has had enough of it as she has also endured years and years of abuse from my ex, and tries with child.
Has anybody got any advice on where I go from here

*before contact stopped we had a great relationship, he stayed over every other weekend ect no problems

OP posts:
Namerequired · 28/10/2023 21:13

You need to think very carefully if you want to continue to be dad to this child. Do you have any legal rights? If you don’t then his mum can pull contact at any time. Would she agree to you having parental responsibility? Do you want it?
It doesn’t sound like the child feels safe/comfortable in your new family. You need to speak to his mum on how to improve this. More regular contact, more 1:1 time, mum share transport.
If you don’t want to continue as his dad then you need to find a nice way to ‘pull out’ and let them get on with their life.

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