Failed IVF

[IVF2617]

Hi all,

I've been trying to conceive for a few years now. We started our IVF treatment a year ago and haven't been successful - we have had 4 failed embryo transfers.

I wanted to find out what has helped anyone in a similar situation or who has been through a similar journey to me.

My partner tells me not to focus on it too much but then the other part of me feels like I should be more healthier, I should exercise, I should do this, I should try natural products and live a more relaxed lifestyle.

I'm really stuck in the middle, I don't know if I should just say to myself "it's not going to happen so just live your life" or whether I should say to myself "it will happen keep positive" and fake it till I make it?

What do you suggest? What has worked for others?
Please help x

Sorry you're going through this. If you are basically healthy (I.e. not overweight or dependent on alcohol) then the things you mention - living healthily, relaxing, exercise etc make very little, probably zero difference to the success of ivf. So there is no point making your life harder in the hope it increases your chances of success.

When I was in your position I worked hard to cultivate a more detached, scientific mentality. Is there evidence that a particular behaviour or treatment makes success more likely? If not, forget about it. Work on accepting that it is 99% out of your control, and down to chance. Don't get obsessed with the 1%. It's hard to accept this as we live in a society that tells us we will get what we want if we work hard enough. That's just not the case with ivf. There's almost nothing you can do to influence the outcome. When you accept this you can stop planning your life around it.

I had nine failed cycles of IVF. By the end it had taken a huge toll on me and my husband - physically, financially, but most of all emotionally.
I did EVERYTHING right - acupuncture, supplements, gentle exercise, meditation, healthy diet. My husband wore loose underwear, stopped putting his phone in his pocket etc etc. Basically, if we read about it being potentially helpful, we did it.
None of it made any difference to any of the tests or the outcome.

When I look back now I feel so sad that I lost 6 years of my life. I turned down job opportunities, holidays, missed out on special occasions. My life is demonstrably worse now than it would have been had I not prioritised IVF over everything else.

Obviously mine is not a happy story, but the only advice I would give is that you must think about what comes next if you’re unsuccessful. Don’t sacrifice your future. Look after your partner and make time for the other stuff. Don’t make IVF your everything.

Everyone talks about the 30% success rate. But that means a 70% failure rate. The odds are bad.

Try and enjoy life alongside IVF. Good luck x

Hi,
I am finding it very hard to cope at the moment. We have just had our 3rd icsi cycle end with a BFN. Wr are beyond devastated as everything was so positive this time. We used long protocol instead of short, had 5AA blasto transferred and even finally got one to freeze at 4AB.
we have male factor issues due to an operation “down there” when he was 3, but this time in his sample it’s improved by 4 million so we were so hopeful,
changed to lubion as cyclogest was not keeping bleeding at bay in the 2ww, and had everything else checked and tested for me, all coming back okay.
I am struggling. My husband is so positive and such a good support but I know he’s struggling too as I have had to go through everything physically. I can’t stop crying, am so down and just think it’s never going to work for us. This is our last nhs funded cycle and people have said at least we have the frozen one…but it’s so hard not to expect it to fail again!
I feel like I am drowning and will never be a mother. A lot of my friends have children or are pregnant which is lovely, but it really is starting to show it’s toll now.
sorry for the long post, I am just so upset. Especially this time with a 5AA and the embryologist being so excited for us.

Could it be his sperm quality ? Have they said it could be this? My daughter is going through ivf now and tested positive but early scans have show no fetal pole and small sac so they going to scan her in one week but are not hopeful. Did the embryo not imbed after transfer?

We were very lucky and had three cycles covered by the NHS.
We said right from the start that we would only do the three. The third one worked but I lost at 14 weeks.

After that we decided to embrace a child free life. It took time to make our peace with it but we did. We stopped trying to conceive naturally (I was 40 by that point and we felt it was too late).

I know what it’s like. I was on threads on here for older first time mothers, waves to any existing Elderberries, any time someone got pregnant we were desperate to find out what she had done differently. It becomes an obsession. You see friends falling pregnant as soon as their husband hangs up his trousers and you wonder what you are doing wrong.

Eventually we forced ourselves to draw a line and move on.

That was nearly ten years ago now. We are happy. It can happen.