Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

can you help me

44 replies

nailpolish · 17/12/2004 13:20

my MIL died of cancer in sept. she was cremated and she had asked if she could have her ashes scattered in her fave place - its a (very) remote glen.

anyway, we havent done it yet because my FIL is having problems coming to terms with it all and he has now decided to do it on her birthday next month.

this is all very nice, but he wants the whole family to go and i dont know how we will manage. first of all it means putting dd's in the car for 5/6 hrs and they will scream the whole way, i can see it now. then we have to stay over with dh's horrid creepy uncle (i asked if we could stay at a hotel nearby but dh said no he doesnt want to offend anyone and we cant afford it anyway). i wont be able to sleep at night in that slimy uncles house.

then i will have to stand in this glen freezing to death while we scatter the ashes.

please dont think i am being a bitch. i think its a lovely thought but i really dont want to take dd's. i think its totally impractical and i know MIL would agree with me!

will i just have to go?

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 17/12/2004 19:03

aloha, i will keep smiling, and they can mutter under their breathe all they like (like they always do)!!!

you ladies give me such confidence, it really helps.

i will tell FIL to find out if the land is owned, but in scotland a lot of it is not. i suspect it is though, thats why i asked.

big thanks again xxx

OP posts:
aloha · 17/12/2004 19:05

Nailpolish, will you tell us more about the invitingly named Uncle Slimy? He sounds fascinating

Original poster
nailpolish · 19/12/2004 16:05

aloha, he is a BIGOT my least favourite kind of person, ie racist, sexist, etc etc

he refuses to go to england for his holidays, wont watch eastenders, his wife was recently in hospital and lived on fish suppers cos he wont even use the oven and things like that. hes so extreme its funny, ridiculous!

he used to work in a job centre and took pleasure from turning down unemployed single mothers for helping them with benefit advice. that made me so mad i had to leave the room that day. and he takes pride in telling people this.

get the idea?

apart from that, whenever he picks up dd to sit her on his knee i immediately snatch her away.

he left his first wife because she couldnt have children. neither could his 2nd wife but 'she was a better cook'

anyway, i have spoken to dh, and with huge relief he agrees with me that its inappropriate to take dd's to glen that day for MIL.

i should have spoken to him sooner, i was worrying too much. he can speak to his dad about it, its up to him now.

thanks again girls for helping me out, i am very grateful for your support

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 19/12/2004 17:09

Ewww at uncle slimy! Don't stay there. I wouldn't take the children either but I also don't think I'd use up overnight babysitting on going either (maybe I'm mean though) - unless my dh really wanted me there and then I guess I'd go. Your dh is being unreasonable if he can't see that so long in a car for 2 that young is madness, blimey, has the man never done a long journey with them?! Sod the permission, no-one in my family has ever asked either (hillside in Glos and Hell's Mouth in Cornwall), can't see it would be worth bothering.

Original poster
nailpolish · 22/02/2005 14:40

hi folks i just wanted to update anyone who was interested (no-one then!) that its this weekend that we scatter MIL's ashes.

my mum has ever so nicely offered to come to our house to babysit this weekend (she has no room for both of them, and its easier than me humping all the baby stuff to hers anyway) so i am at ease with leaving them.

dh has ignored the offers from uncle slimy (phew) to stay at his house and we are staying close by the the place where we are saying goodbye to his mum, meeting everyone there on the day. dh is happier with this too.

i just hope the weather is not too bad, its quite snowy so i just hope we can get to the glen. it would have been his mums birthday, its been on the back of our minds for ages and we all really want to get it done this weekend (does that sound bad?)

anyway, i really wanted to thank those who gave me support to speak out for myself and my dd's. everything has turned out fine, and ive even got a wee candle for dd's to light for their grandma, with gran

just one thing - should i just wear something casual or get dressed up a wee bit? bear in mind its a remote glen (probably snowy), but we are going for a quiet meal afterwards

OP posts:
alexsmum · 22/02/2005 14:47

i wouldn't get dressed up , i would concentrate on WARM.so glad you got this sorted.

Original poster
nailpolish · 23/02/2005 13:04

och yes, you are right. ill just wear something casual, dh is wearing his jeans!

maybe go and buy a nice new jumper and hat

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 23/02/2005 13:05

btw thanks alexmum x

OP posts:
alexsmum · 23/02/2005 13:19

no probs nailpolish! bit worried about your journey up there in this weather.

Original poster
nailpolish · 28/02/2005 15:55

hi

em, dont know if anyone is interested but it was such a lovely day. the sun was shining even tho it was bloody freezing. in the glen there is a little running burn and we all sat on the edge of the burn at a little waterfall and trickled MIL's ashes into the water. beautiful scottish spring water. no-one said anything for ages, but we all just went for a little walk and had a picnic. the picnic was actually a great laugh and it ended up the best day ive had for ages.

maybe that sounds awful! i hope you know what i mean.

dh and i stayed in a little place near the glen and the next morning we went back and planted a primrose.

OP posts:
Easy · 28/02/2005 16:18

I'm glad it turned out to be good experience after all.

My father died just after ds was born (5 1/2 years ago now).

His ashes were put in the river near his home, one of his favourite places, just by a nice little pub. I couldn't be there, becos ds was too little to start getting involved in such things, so I'm sorry I missed it. My mum and sister laughed at the time, cos some of the ducks obviously thought the ashes quite tasty!!

Anyway, my sister goes down there every year on his birthday (in mid summer), and buys him half a guiness, which she pours into the river for him.
It's a lovely place to remember him, I hope your family can feel the same for your MIL.

Original poster
nailpolish · 28/02/2005 16:26

love the guiness part, easy. what a lovely gesture!

isnt it sad when you think your children will never know them? dd1 was 23 mths and doesnt remember her grandma now, and dd2 was born 6 wks after she died

dh still picks up the phone if they do something new

OP posts:
Easy · 28/02/2005 16:30

Yes Nailpolish, It often makes me cry (like right now) becos ds will never know his Grandpa. DS was 11 days old when my dad died, we had planned to take him to see his grandpa the following week (waiting until ds was 3 weeks old before embarking on the long car journey), but he just couldn't hold on long enough.

Original poster
nailpolish · 28/02/2005 16:39

im so sorry easy, that is very sad for you all

HUGS xxx

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 28/02/2005 16:44

Oh easy, that must have been hard. The Guiness idea is lovely. Nailpolish, glad it went ok. These things are sad aren't they?

Easy · 28/02/2005 22:34

I guess it's just the Circle of life.

I see a lot of my father in ds sometimes too

Original poster
nailpolish · 01/03/2005 15:27

thats nice easy.

i see SO MUCH of MIL in dd's, (looks wise) but everyone says they look like dh, and he looks a lot like his mum. so thats the same thing then!

his family have VERY strong genes

OP posts:
lisalisa · 01/03/2005 16:11

Message withdrawn

Original poster
nailpolish · 01/03/2005 17:11

thanks lisa

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread