Friends declined my invite

[Liz79k]

A couple of weeks ago I sent out a message to my group of friends inviting them over to my house for a catch up. I gave a choice of two dates and asked which day would suit everyone best. All 6 friends said they would come and we agreed a date. The day before our catch up I sent out another message with a time for everyone to arrive (6:30/7) well only two are able to make it now. The others had various excuses about being busy or they had completely forgotten about the invite.
This is the 2nd time this has happened and I can't help but feel upset, rejected and not part of "the group" I always make an effort to accept and attend evenings that others have arranged. Of course I am happy that two of my friends can make it but I'm still feeling like and outsider.
Am I being over sensitive? I'm 44 yrs old and in perimenapause so I'm possibly over thinking it all.

Maybe the time was wrong for them and they thought it would be earlier. Maybe as a time hadn't been given they thought it wasn't a definite plan.

People are REALLY flaky and even worse in my experience since Covid.

Don't take it personally, I regularly have to organise something similar for about 10 people, the week before a reminder is sent out which helps focus people. People get busy with family stuff, don't take it personally and have a lovely time 😊

I think you should have sent out the message about the time mich earlier than the day before.

I have found people incredibly flaky nowadays. I get everyone is busy, but it’s all about priorities and it does feel shit to not be anyone’s first choice. I’m quite old now and have a very small, carefully curated group of friends that I know will honour commitments (barring accident or emergency) and I do the same. I don’t waste time on those who don’t keep their promises.

Thanks for your input. 6:30/7 is our usual meet up time frame and sending out confirmation of that the day before isn't unusual for our group either. We had already agreed the date. I suppose it being the 2nd time it's happened is what's triggered me.
Thanks again for responding.

That’s quite shit tbh, I’m sorry.

When arranging something I try to make it really clear what’s been agreed, so send a final message like “Great, evening of 10th October, it’s in the diary! Looking forward to seeing everyone” Hopefully that makes the agreed date absolutely clear and prompts everyone else to put it in their diary…

But maybe you did do this and your friends are just flaky… I have one or two flaky friends who predictably drop out last minute but 4 is bad luck.

That is flaky and rubbish of them. It's hurtful when people casually drop out but I think people are self absorbed and don't realise that the arrangement meant something to you. Try not to take it personally. It's not just them. Enjoy it with the 2 that are coming.

Yep, the older you get the smaller the group of friends.

Yep people are flaky! You soon learn who the non flaky friends are and keep them, the flaky ones just flake away.

People are so much more flakey nowadays. I have stopped making an effort with the known flakes. Can’t put up with having messages read and ignored anymore or poor excuses for not showing up.

Sorry to hear that. My friend has been a bit like this recently. We arranged to meet but on the day I couldn't really be bothered but as I had agreed I messaged her but she had forgotten. The time before she messaged me earlier in that week and said she couldn't afford it. After the forgotten time she said we will definitely meet. The chat went dry then I got a message from her. I knew she was out that night so probably in the moment and the message said when are you free to meet. I told her and she didn't reply. The next time we texted I didn't mention meeting as I'm not chasing her. People are flaky, myself included

Was it the same ones both times? Remember this, and make sure you don't put yourself out for them in future. If they organise something then go if it suits YOU. If it doesn't, then don't!

You are not alone. I have friends like this too. It’s almost as if the first flurry of arrangements are the exciting bit and the actual event is never going to happen.

Despite having been friends for decades, I have felt myself withdrawing from this group as I can’t be arsed with the disappointment, and feeling like our plans are easily surrendered.

People are flakey - I don’t think 2 people coming is too bad!

I’d agree about reminding a bit earlier in the week, when people are less knackered.

Yes the same ones as last time and I also felt very upset then as all of them declined. I was very wary about arranging this current catch up for fear of the same thing happening but we had all said we would like to make an effort to get together more. So I made myself rise above the previous rejection. Don't think I'll be doing it again.

People can be shit.
They are also getting more and more flakey.

id wonder who, from that group, is actually a real good friend rather than an acquaintance that you see every now and then. I’d concentrate on them.

I think if someone suggested a date to meet up I’d need to know the time earlier than the day before - they easily could’ve assumed it was a daytime thing and couldn’t do the evening.

Yes, people can be flakey but if you’re organising something you also need to let people know plans earlier imo, expecting people to keep an entire day & evening free is also flakey from an organisation perspective.

I did make it clear that it would be an evening thing but thanks for your input.

Ok if you made it clear to them, that info wasn’t at all clear in your original post.

You are right, I could've been a bit clearer in my original post. I was trying not to ramble on though. I do appreciate your advice.

You aren’t being sensitive, but I would try to not take personally. As others have said, social media, mobile phones (WhatsApp) and even more so since covid mean people are just flaky now. It’s seems socially acceptable to just drop out last minute, “sorry I’m under the weather”/“busy at work”.

That’s shit of them, especially if this hadn’t happened before. I take it as a compliment to be invited and stick it in my diary. It’s really rude to forget and not turn up,

It is rubbish when this happens. I even do it to myself . Book things and get tickets then when it comes around I dont want to go . I think it has been worse since covid . Stick with the ones who do turn up and organise some good stuff with them .

@Liz79k follow your instincts, they aren't good friends focus on the ones that are and make you feel good

It's really disappointing when this happens, you've done nothing wrong confirming the time the day before if you'd already been clear it was an evening thing. People could have asked if it being at 7.30 rather than 8 would have meant they could no longer come.

This is the reason why I don't often instigate meeting up; you feel crap when people make it obvious they're not that bothered. Obviously they don't have to accept in the first place, but saying yes then dropping out with some rubbish excuse the day before is rude.