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I am an awful person and I think I might vomit

57 replies

JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 16:22

I came home to find what I thought was a bird being attacked by a cat just outside our front door. Being the world's most squeamish person, I went through the back door to avoid the situation.

But the bird has been shrieking in pain for ages now. I am too scared to even go and look close up at what's happened - but I managed to take a peak through a window and amazingly it looks like two birds, one of which is a small hawk or similar who have had some kind of tussle. They are both lying on the ground but one is still definitely alive.

I know the humane thing would be to go and kill it. But I just cannot. I am literally choking back the vom as I type this. I feel sick to my stomach. I almost want to call someone to help but don't know who??

God I am being ridiculous but there was a very good reason I didn't take biology at school.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 04/03/2008 16:52

If you go and scare the hawk off, it will only go and do the same to another bird later. It has to eat. If this bird is dying anyway, you may as well let the hawk eat it.

'tis nature for you.

VanillaPumpkin · 04/03/2008 16:53

No leave it be. What a waste if the hawk doesn't even get to eat the dead bird. It will then just need to kill another one. Turn the radio up! Good Luck!

wannaBe · 04/03/2008 16:54

no, don't go and frighten it off, however horrible it is. It's nature, the other bird is going to die now anyway, so might as well let the hawk finish it off and have a meal rather than you having to kill it and throw it away and the hawk then having to go and find another bird.

JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 16:59

It's official - it's not quite 5pm but I'm having a whiskey....

OP posts:
peggotty · 04/03/2008 17:02

You didn't scare it away did you ?

MascaraOHara · 04/03/2008 17:04

are you sure they're not just shagging?

JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 17:12

Nope - I didn't scare it away. And if they are shagging, it's some kind of weird interspecies bird thang going on - and it's definitely S&M.

God I feel sick. If this is nature, nature sucks.

My sons tell me that they don't like the hawk - and why is he eating the black bird mommy because birds eat worms, not birds?

I should have made the whiskey a double.

OP posts:
AdamAnt · 04/03/2008 17:12

lol great minds Mascara

Mayby they are having bum sex.

AdamAnt · 04/03/2008 17:12

maybe

AdamAnt · 04/03/2008 17:13

I play dead if anyone initiates bum sex with me.

madamez · 04/03/2008 17:14

Just leave 'em to it. This is nature in action, nothing evil about it.

Desiderata · 04/03/2008 17:16

ROFL @ AdamAnt

JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 17:23

I am trying to ignore while feeding my children chili con carne and gagging as I go. Sheesh I have a weak stomach.

If it is bum sex, I definitely think I need to call Attenborough's team...

OP posts:
JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 18:04

UPDATE:

So while the boys were eating their dinner, the screaming from bird reached a peak. I thought - right it's definitely a gonna with blood and gore everywhere. HOwever, I was incredibly brave and suggested that one of the children might want to see what has happened. They informed me that the brown bird (hawk) was there but the black bird was gone.

It seems the black bird managed to escape (how I don't know because it seemed well and truly buggered - perhaps quite literally?). The hawk was sitting looking confused. Getting a proper look at it, it seemed to be quite young so I think it was just learning how to hunt but didn't know how to finish the job.

Right on cue, as husband arrives home ready to save the day, the F-ing hawk takes flight leaving me with just a patch of poo on the ground to show for my afternoon of hell. DH now thinks that I am absolutely barking mad. I probably am.

Crisis over. Nausea continues.

OP posts:
VanillaPumpkin · 04/03/2008 18:29

PMSL. You poor thing!

Novicecamper · 04/03/2008 18:35

OMG, I am ROFL at this thread!!

KerryMum · 04/03/2008 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 18:58

Kerrymum, don't even think that much less say it! I am going to be having nightmares for weeks...

Incidentally, the hawk definitely wasn't smoking a fag afterwards so I think I'm going to rule out the shagging option.

OP posts:
AdamAnt · 04/03/2008 19:15

ROFL

Aimsmum · 04/03/2008 19:17

Message withdrawn

quint · 04/03/2008 19:23

Oh thank you, I haven't laughed so much in ages

FioFio · 04/03/2008 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JoshandJamie · 04/03/2008 19:38

Ironically, this wasn't meant to be a funny thread. It would have been even less funny had I actually got through to the RSPCA - I did dial them and then chickened out. Can you imagine:

Them: Well madam, how can we help you?

Me: Well I may or may not have a dead bird or two dead birds in my garden. OR they could be shagging. Either way, it's making feel rather peaky. What should I do?

Them: Could you take a look at them and tell us what they're doing/what you can see?

Me: Well no, that's the point really, I can't bear to look. Could you send someone over?

Them: Sure - we'll get an emergency team down there ASAP.

Me: Thanks - huge sigh of relief.

An hour passes...they arrive:

Them: So madam - where are the birds?

Me: Well they appear to have flown away - but one bird definitely crapped itself. Look just there....

OP posts:
quint · 04/03/2008 19:46

surely this has to make the round up

AdamAnt · 04/03/2008 19:48
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