Should I stay or should I go - Moving area

[sanae]

• Sorry if I have done this subject to death, but it is now crunch time. Moved to Cornwall 19 months ago because of a better job and my family here, however we have never really settled. Now we have to move out of our rented accomodation and I am thinking longingly of our house back home. we own a house back in Hampshire which is mortgage free - to move to a similar house round here I am going to have to take on about 50-100K mortgage(we are in an expensive area for cornwall, can't move further afield due to kids schooling and need to be in catchment for secondary school application in September). Anyway we are 99% certain we are going back.

My main worry is the kids schooling - we can't get them back into their old school, so would mean another school change + my son will be in Y6 , so will then face another school change next year. Any advice? Anyone done this or moved back successfully? I am just worried about making another wrong move. Am I mad to be planning to go back?

Ooooooo Hampshire , whereabouts, I'm in Alton.

You have got a huge decision ahead of you. A house with no mortgage but the kids changing schools again ?

How well did they settle when you moved down to Cornwall, which co-incidentally is where my IL's are.

If you are not happy there the kids will pick up it dont you think ?

Have you checked out which schools could take the kids now ? Would you be happy with them ?

Is your property in Hants rented out ?

I know i know Im nosey, just trying to build up a picture.

thanks for getting back, I thought no-one was going to pick up this thread! Our house is near Andover. As you say, a huge decision. I have three kids, 10,9,7. The school they came from was an excellent village school. They have "sort of" settled into their new school (but academically it is way behind), never complained about going, seem to have made friends especially DD1 who is 9. However, DS, now 10, still really wants to go back to Hampshire and periodically gets upset about it, misses the other side of our family who live there. Our catchment school in Hants is no better than the school here, but we have just found out that we MIGHT be able to get them into another different, but also excellent, village school. There is no doubt they have not done so well here academically as if we'd stayed in Andover, and it's been a big source of guilt for me as they also loved the old school. I thought I was doing the right thing giving us some financial security with my new job, but seems a bit hollow at the moment. Financially things might be quite tight if I give up this job. I don't know how kids will feel about going back to Andover but yet another school.

I think you are right that the kids pick up the strains. Cornwall is lovely in many ways, and I will miss my family and the beautiful coast if we leave, however it somehow doesn't feel quite right, just too isolated , too peaceful. Knowing that there are things I will miss about it makes the decision even harder.

We have a family member in our Hants house, but they want to buy their own place, so will just be a bit sooner than planned.

It seems to me like now would be the right time before your 10 yo DS starts Secondary education, it could be a little more unsettling for him then.

I think you know what you want to do, it sounds as if the kids settled well and can only be happy again in familiar surroundings.

I say go for it, life is too bloody short sanae.

My DH and I have had to make some tough financial choices recently and as careless as it may seem from the outside we are coming of off the property ladder. Our jobs provide us with a 4 bedroom flat, heating, council tax and water rates inc.

Our property is in Kent, will prob not much more money and we will not re-invest as we hope the market slows.

We will put the money (what little is left because we have debts to clear also) into a high interest and cant get at it too easy account and in effect start again. We have a DD and a DS but what is important to us is that they have a happy family home where life aint too tough.

Good luck and keep me posted !!

If we are going to go back it's got to be now. We only really made the decision yesterday, giving it 24 hours to think about it, though DH has already told his family! I suppose I don't want to be out of the frying pan... I don't want DS to wish we'd stayed in Cornwall after all if he has trouble fitting into yet another school! Of course, there is no way of knowing. Also, wondering when to tell DCs. Don't want to unsettle them and say we are going back in case all our plans unravel, however I am concerned that we make our plans and they say NO,NO,NO! to another school. I'm off to work now but will post later when i've collected my thoughts a bit more.
Life is too short, I am feeling immense pressure to make the right decision on my family's behalf.

Morning, I am sure that your thought processes are thorough and you wil make the right decision.

The cold facts you have given me, I would say come back, but when you actually sit down and think with your heart and your head it maybe that staying is the better option even if you do need to get a mortgage.

Where will you have a better quality of life? Is Andover a more fun place for the kids to grow up or in Cornwall, you didnt mention if you were near the coast but imagine you are not that far.

Hope you have a good day and we'll catch up later. x

Morning sanae,

How are you ?

Did you manage to come to any decision about the future for you and yours ?

Bet you've had a hellish week !

Keep me posted if you can.

Situation is now even more complicated - I am having second thoughts - mainly around the fact that I earn a good salary here for comparatively family friendly hours, and I won't get similar anywhere else(that's assuming I get work elsewhere!). I am concerned about unsettling the children once again, and also I am beginning to look at the ties I have established here - although they are delicate, I think they could grow stronger given time. There's nothing like the threat of losing what you have to make you appreciate it!

On the other hand DH is set on going back to Andover and is shocked that I am having second thoughts. Apparently he has asked the DCs what they would like and they all said return to Andover! Not sure whether the question was loaded!

What I really want is 6 months here and 6 months in Andover!

We are going to have to have a heart to heart tonight, but I can see stalemate. I just don't know what to do for the best.

Having second thoughts is not a bad thing, it shows you are thinking long and hard about it.

If you do go back DH needs to appreciate your earning potential, like you say, if at all, will decrease. But does that outweigh what a 50 - 100k mortgage would cost you monthly ?

I hope you can reach a mutual agreement and maybe it will have to turn into a pow wow with the kids involved too, so they can understand the implications and you could all work out the plus' and minus'

Thank you for taking the time to get back to me, I appreciate this is a difficult time and you dont know me.