What a fine mess

[NualaG]

Just looking for advise tbh, I am not a kid I am 46 so mortified regarding this situation. I met someone last Sept it only lasted 3 months as it was very clear he was a cock lodger in the making then i found out he was also seeing someone else as he was declaring his undying love (love bombing)

I ended it immediately as informed the other woman since he told me well she earns more than you so he's clearly just going to do the same. Instead he told her I am obsessed and in love and cannot let go (yeah right) then he sent me a video of them having sex then another with her as she gave me the finger while drinking a can forsters (classy) there was a bit of back of forth argument periodically then 3 weeks ago his friend told me he's circulated sexual videos of myself. However his friend refused to get involved and said he no longer has this on his phone.

I hit the roof, I sent him a barrage of abuse calling him a sexual deviant, a pervert that i would rip him from limb to not limb (not wise) but I said it. He has since called the police for harrassment and I was hauled in for a voluntary interview where all these texts were read out and that the ex has not decided how to proceed. Now i a m quite scared. The next step would be for them to download his phone if he wants to take it further.

Doubt he will hand over his phone since his fried told me he has secretly recorded quite a few woman from dating sites and sent them to a wattapp group. Should I be worried? I did threaten him!

We’re the police not at all concerned that he is videoing, and distributing, videos of him having sex with you (&others) who haven’t consented to be filmed?
You should have blocked him when he sent the video, you can’t really argue with people like that. It must have been a lot of texts if he risked going to the police with all those videos on the phone, I doubt he will risk proceeding though.

He was replying but he deleted his voice notes I don't like using voice notes but he can barely spell his name so yeah a very one sided interview. I was extremely angry but the police cannot seize his phone without evidence of the recording which I know its the truth because his ex friend told me what I was wearing.

Obviously they can pull up deleted items so I don't think he will be handing it over just wants to cause me some distress. They would download both of our phones and I have nothing to hide. still its stressful when I am quite a sensible person and find th epolice a bit scary.

Hopefully the police won't take it further but all you can do is wait and see. And don't have any contact with your ex or his friends.

You should know this at 46 (and I assume you do but for some reason ignored your better judgement) but next time, don't allow yourself to be filmed or photographed in compromising situations as you never know where these might end up. Block and/or ignore someone when they are trying to provoke you. Never make threats, and most definitely not in writing.

I did not allow myself to be filmed that is the reason I am so angry. It was done and send around without my consent. Not much sympathy here is there. I thought we were heading towards a relationship we spend a lot of time toegther and he seemed great. How would you feel? in that situation pretty hard not to explode let me tell you.

Well hopefully he won't want to proceed with his complaint against you if it risks implicating himself but that's out of your control so all you can do is wait. What did the Police say about his non-consensual filming of you? Did they take it seriously or is it just considered hearsay as there's no evidence? Does the video exist or is it just his friend messing with you (at your ex's behest)?

Regardless of this, you shouldn't have threatened him (especially not in writing!!) as that's taken incredibly seriously. Don't make a bad situation worse for yourself.

He sent me a video of him having sex with his latest squeeze which instantly deleted as I was repulsed. His friend is lying this guy is a deviant. The police are not going to take action until they get his phone. He threatened to end me and call my work and tell them I take drugs. Of course none of that was in his cute little pile of texts.

Is not lying

Give the police your phone and let them recover the video you deleted

I offered them it but they said they need to see his first because he is the one making the complaint.

So make your own complaint...

I'm pretty sure you can't distribute sexual videos without the person in the video's consent. So if you wanted to you could make an allegation of this to the police. I don't know how the burden of proof works in relation to videos (vs e.g. a rape case) but I think if they are looking at whether or not you have been harassing him I would want to make sure I had been clear about the reason for the texts you sent, and if that means making an allegation to the police sobeit.

I do not have evidence we had not spoke for 2 months before this incident I had wiped him from my life blocked and deleted everything. Its a tricky situation and I love how abusers get to use the authorities to abuse someone just that little bit more with their lies and cries of innocence. If they do download his phone he will probably get 5 years in jail for his disgusting behaviour. I made a threat he's like more than twice the size of me. I was trying to act like he didn't scare me when in fact he is so unhinged it terrifies me. There are no limits to his pathological lying, manipulation and drug abuse. Which I knew nothing about. I'd never never ever get involved with a man who smokes crack!! that alone is terrifying.

No more comment now that I was I was dealing with a very charming drug addicted sexual predator and now I’m the one in trouble for making a threat. Who wouldn’t this a vulgar I’d say sociopathic individual. Least I’m not as dumb as as his latest girlfriend I had him figured out without 3 months and kicked him to the curb. This woman has him in her home with a her child. He’s originally from uk but moved to Florida at a very young age and was actually deported straight from jail obv he lied about that. Before I let him around my child I paid for a background check. Sexual battery, aggravated assaulted many stints in rehab and many fraud convictions before they let loose with a clean record on our streets. I’m not fool I did my home work I tried to warn this women but of course I’m obsessed and in love with him and can’t let him go. Women who put their children in danger should serve as long as the perpetrator of something should happen to said child.