What would you do?

[Dizzylizzy]

Right, here's my dilemma.

I am supposed to be going out tomorrow night to his works christmas do which is usually a very good night, we have a babysitter sorted and taxis booked etc so no problem there.

But,

DD2 was up ALL last night coughing and crying and she has woken this morning with a raging temperature she can't speak because her throat is sore and looks really unwell. I'm not really keen on leaving her with a babysitter whilst so ill so was going to cancel anyway, but, before I had chance dh just said that I should cancel the babysitter and change the taxi to an earlier time to takem him to the do.

It's really annoyed me how he assumes_ I would stay at home and look after dd2, I could quite easily go too as one of my best mates will be there and the bosses would be fine about it, its only at a working mans club too. I know for a fact that he will get totally paralyticm and when he comes home he will upset me by being cocky, obnoxious and arrogant.

I do however want to stop home and make sure dd2 is ok, but my points are that,

a: he has already been on two christmas do's whilst I stopped home with dd's.

b: he knows I'm not going out because of his shifts etc so was looking forward to my only chance at getting out.

c: I am Certain that we will fall out because he will get so drunk and wake the dd's.

d: He automatically assumed that I would stay home without even asking me.

I don't think its fair that he should have fun whilst I am ill at home with an ill dd2.

What do all you wise mumsnetters think?

TIA

I think he's being a typical man- mn think in different ways to women unfortunately- that's where so many arguments stem from.
Personally- as it's his works do I'd let him go but like you I'd be pissed off at his assumptions.
I tell my dh (on the rare occasions that he goes out- once since dd was born 10 1/2 months ago) not to come home iof he gets drunk and to stop over at a mates- like you I can't stand them being drunk and smelly and full of the drunken shite

If it's his work party, then he should go. Arrange a night out with the girls as soon as your dd is better instead. My children also always get ill if there is a party on. Sod's law

Pixie,

I told him when he went out on the last night out not to come home because I knew what state he would be in, but he came home and he was his usual pissed up cocky, obnoxious and arrogant self. I didn't speak to him for 3 days.

bump

My husband would have made exactly the same assumptions , if it makes you feel better.
As it's his works do I would be inclined to let him go, but would take this opportunity to negotiate a night out for you.

Have you tried talking to him to let him know how you feel?

You've laid your arguments out really clearly here and they are very valid - how about printing off your arguments and letting him read them. Sometimes when people talk, they automatically go on the defensive and dont hear you out. I think if your dh read your post he would feel a bit sheepish, I know that my dh would.

Hope your dd is feeling better soon . So typical isn't it that the worst bugs are doing the rounds at this time of year.

my DH told work after heart op i wasnt well enough to go to work do(yay i hate them anyway all my yacht is bigger then your yacht,and we own more land then you type of do)thinking my other half would stay with me and keep me company as im unwell,oh no me has been invited out for WEEK-END with his moter bike buds so hes going to that instead,oh well possetion ot the remote control i suppose

for your fostermum. Hope you're feeling ok after your heart op?

I agree with Fairymum - if only one of you is going, then as it's his works Christmas do it should be him.

However, I can see why you don't think it's fair that he decided that you should stay at home while he went out without talking it over with you first. Have you actually told him - calmly and reasonably - how you felt when he did that? I think we sometimes make the assumption that our dhs should know how we feel, when in fact they haven't got a clue. Merlot is right when she suggests letting him read your post - you should make him read the responses, too, so he can see that other people think he's unreasonable too.

Actually, if it was my works do I would assume I would be going & dh would stay at home BUT I would at least offer to stay at home with him (he'd better refuse the offer though )

tell him to get a room somewhre - and if he comes home lock the door and make him sleep in the shed.

youneed to go to a mumsnet meet up get arseholed and come back late

Berchta, lol, too right I need to come to a mumsnet meet-up.

I tried to make him stop over at a local travel inn when he went out in November, I even booked the room for him, but he cancelled it and came home anyway, hence, we started arguing again because he woke the children up and was a right W**R.

What gets me is the fact that men can just whisk in and out at will, always assuming that you are there to hold the fort.
I have to announce that I am going out, check it is ok with dh, make sure everything necessary is pointed out/prepared. in short, spontaneity is impossible.

My dh is a lovely man, but this seems a fact of life as a mother.

Can't believe there was a time when I only had myself to worry about. Why oh why didn't I do more with my time??!!

if 'im indoors is goin out -like he does every other friday to play darts then its a quid pro quo - i get to go out.

am sure a meet up could be arranged just to piss off your other half.

am off to a teammeeting in london on friday and aim to get a bit sloshed. which is ok, cos he does.